Thursday, June 09, 2005
this was in Peruggia, the crazy trip with Mira and Zeynep... I have been in Peruggia before, with Dad and Alex, way back in 1998....it s a wonderful students city near Asissi, with many small little streets and corners and the best ICE CREAM ever! ;-)) -(yes I am sitll addicted to good ice cream. If I could choose between a perfect body and ICE cream, I would go...for...you know...;-)) 
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
olivier
I have to dedicate one entire post to Olivier.
Olivier is a guy from France whom I met spring 2001 in Twer, Russia. You know, this was one of those amazing moments when life stops moving and you enter this space of stillness that threatens to tear you apart, makes you shiver like a little flower in a chilli wind? I was only for two days in Twer, as I was actually in St. Peters to help my parents who held a seminar over there. Anyways, I had to take two days off to see my beloved city, which had become my second home back in 2000, when I was there for four months to study Russian. There was still plenty of snow, and when I got off the train and walked down the street to the 'obschejitje' of the University where some of my firends from abroad had lived last year, I felt like tears were dwelling up my tears and the city soaked me in. Ahhhh- back in!!!!
It was as if nothing had changed. There were still the 'babuschkas' selling their carrots and stuff along the streets, ahhh, Russia, Russia, Twer.......
I visited some of my Russian Friends and then went to this Obschejitje (dorm) because I knew the cleaning lady there and was kind of curious what kind of students would be there now....
They were actually amazingly friendly and invited me immediately to stay for dinner...Time passed, we had a great time, talking about our experiences in Russia, in Twer and so on....
Until suddenly...
the door opened and Steph came in with Olivier. Olivier was her friend and he had just arrived in Russia to stay there for a few months.
Of course I was totally .... I don't know, what do you call this funny feeling again?
He looked gorgeous and his style was just....just the kind I dig...
He was very tired but stayed to talk a little with the crowd and as they were talking our eyes spoke to each other. I didn't know, that he realized that too, I was totally sure that nobody on this earth could like me back then. I hated myself sometimes so much, that I honestly could not imagine someone else would like me. I mean, no one from the other sexe!
However....the next day I happened to be around when he wanted to go and have a first look around the city and I offered him to show him around and show him 'MY TWER", as I know it from my gorgeous time back in 2000.
We spent a good four hours together, having great moments of conversation and of silence....
Climbing up scaffolds, watching the sunset..... you get it....
Later in the evening I had to leave. I said good bye to everybody and when it came to say good bye to him, I gave him a little note that I had written before, in mirror writing and, surprsingly enough, he also gave me a little note. We looked at each other and laughed.... It was really funny and magical in the same time.
A little sad but also very enchanted, I went with Timotei to the marschrutka station (a taxi-bus, similar tothose in south Africa) with my luggage...As we were standing there in the cold, shivering, I suddenly heard someone shout 'attend! attend! Geraldine!'
I turned around and there he was, the magical boy and Steph, his friend with whom I also had gotten along pretty well. They ran up to me and gasping for breath he said:'Please don't go! don't go! Stay here for another week. Cancel you flight and stay with us! please please!'
Very puzzled I looked at them and was torn apart inside myself. I knew it wasn't possible at all. But I wanted it so badly. It was so difficult. Finally they just accompanied me to the trainstation where we talked, exchanged our scarfs (the blue-white striped one is his!!!) and when the train left he took out his chewing gum and pressed it on the window...lol.....it was such a magical encounter, we both were strangely touched. I slept on the scarf this night and his smell accompanied me for quite a time even when I already was back in Germany.
We kept the contact by writing mails mainly, but also sometimes calling on the phone. I wanted to see him in early summer, but I fell from a tree and couldn't move for a couple of weeks....(which is worth another post lol) so I missed him...He later moved to England and we haven't seen each other ever since.
However, we always keep the contact, writing mails, chatting on msn, and it is so surprising that we actually do. After all these years. He is now with a girl from England who already had a son and he is kind of the dad now for petit Leo. I think it s just great that he did that...being a dad for someone who hasn't had a dead....
Recently we were talking about all this and he said ' you know, Geraldine, I think it is still so special for us because we actually didn't have the possibility/opportunity to spoil the magic. sometimes the unattainable is the pure and innocent and maybe it should stay that way...'
TODAY, however, I received something that is more evident of his existence than just mails: he has send me 6 Ben Harper CD's!!!!!
WOOOOW....I really admire him for that. Its simply great.....I am totally in love with those cd/s....
but now i gotta go out and play some basketball, before I do all the editing for the yearbook.....
Olivier, you are simply gorgeous!!! Always happy to know you and love
from Berlin
Geraldine
ps. I will always remember Olivier, who was the remedy for me back then. Experiencing someone that fascinating and beautiful and cool falling in love with me was absolutely good for my mental health back then. It helped me so much to accept myself, as I was , how I am....
Olivier is a guy from France whom I met spring 2001 in Twer, Russia. You know, this was one of those amazing moments when life stops moving and you enter this space of stillness that threatens to tear you apart, makes you shiver like a little flower in a chilli wind? I was only for two days in Twer, as I was actually in St. Peters to help my parents who held a seminar over there. Anyways, I had to take two days off to see my beloved city, which had become my second home back in 2000, when I was there for four months to study Russian. There was still plenty of snow, and when I got off the train and walked down the street to the 'obschejitje' of the University where some of my firends from abroad had lived last year, I felt like tears were dwelling up my tears and the city soaked me in. Ahhhh- back in!!!!
It was as if nothing had changed. There were still the 'babuschkas' selling their carrots and stuff along the streets, ahhh, Russia, Russia, Twer.......
I visited some of my Russian Friends and then went to this Obschejitje (dorm) because I knew the cleaning lady there and was kind of curious what kind of students would be there now....
They were actually amazingly friendly and invited me immediately to stay for dinner...Time passed, we had a great time, talking about our experiences in Russia, in Twer and so on....
Until suddenly...
the door opened and Steph came in with Olivier. Olivier was her friend and he had just arrived in Russia to stay there for a few months.
Of course I was totally .... I don't know, what do you call this funny feeling again?
He looked gorgeous and his style was just....just the kind I dig...
He was very tired but stayed to talk a little with the crowd and as they were talking our eyes spoke to each other. I didn't know, that he realized that too, I was totally sure that nobody on this earth could like me back then. I hated myself sometimes so much, that I honestly could not imagine someone else would like me. I mean, no one from the other sexe!
However....the next day I happened to be around when he wanted to go and have a first look around the city and I offered him to show him around and show him 'MY TWER", as I know it from my gorgeous time back in 2000.
We spent a good four hours together, having great moments of conversation and of silence....
Climbing up scaffolds, watching the sunset..... you get it....
Later in the evening I had to leave. I said good bye to everybody and when it came to say good bye to him, I gave him a little note that I had written before, in mirror writing and, surprsingly enough, he also gave me a little note. We looked at each other and laughed.... It was really funny and magical in the same time.
A little sad but also very enchanted, I went with Timotei to the marschrutka station (a taxi-bus, similar tothose in south Africa) with my luggage...As we were standing there in the cold, shivering, I suddenly heard someone shout 'attend! attend! Geraldine!'
I turned around and there he was, the magical boy and Steph, his friend with whom I also had gotten along pretty well. They ran up to me and gasping for breath he said:'Please don't go! don't go! Stay here for another week. Cancel you flight and stay with us! please please!'
Very puzzled I looked at them and was torn apart inside myself. I knew it wasn't possible at all. But I wanted it so badly. It was so difficult. Finally they just accompanied me to the trainstation where we talked, exchanged our scarfs (the blue-white striped one is his!!!) and when the train left he took out his chewing gum and pressed it on the window...lol.....it was such a magical encounter, we both were strangely touched. I slept on the scarf this night and his smell accompanied me for quite a time even when I already was back in Germany.
We kept the contact by writing mails mainly, but also sometimes calling on the phone. I wanted to see him in early summer, but I fell from a tree and couldn't move for a couple of weeks....(which is worth another post lol) so I missed him...He later moved to England and we haven't seen each other ever since.
However, we always keep the contact, writing mails, chatting on msn, and it is so surprising that we actually do. After all these years. He is now with a girl from England who already had a son and he is kind of the dad now for petit Leo. I think it s just great that he did that...being a dad for someone who hasn't had a dead....
Recently we were talking about all this and he said ' you know, Geraldine, I think it is still so special for us because we actually didn't have the possibility/opportunity to spoil the magic. sometimes the unattainable is the pure and innocent and maybe it should stay that way...'
TODAY, however, I received something that is more evident of his existence than just mails: he has send me 6 Ben Harper CD's!!!!!
WOOOOW....I really admire him for that. Its simply great.....I am totally in love with those cd/s....
but now i gotta go out and play some basketball, before I do all the editing for the yearbook.....
Olivier, you are simply gorgeous!!! Always happy to know you and love
from Berlin
Geraldine
ps. I will always remember Olivier, who was the remedy for me back then. Experiencing someone that fascinating and beautiful and cool falling in love with me was absolutely good for my mental health back then. It helped me so much to accept myself, as I was , how I am....
poi and how much i love life
me praciticing poiing instead of writing my essay, somewhen in early 2005 (by the way it s a really good way to relax and gain new energy for writing philosophical essays!!!
Ohhh. yes....and today I visited Ruth, Nele and Elsa in their little room they rented out the last three months (i wrote about how i met them in 'and the saga continues') because they had invited me for an ethiopian dinner
when I arrived there were many people already there, and as it turned out, most of them were artists, as well.
Man, that was such an inspiring evening! just to breathe this artistic air! People, behaving naturally crazy, a bit crazy, you know..contact -improvisation just in walking by, a guy from Israel who was so incredible funny that I laughed my ass off...all the talks about festivals, street and variete shows......it s just so much my world. It's incredible....Of course it makes me yearn and longing out for a time in which I can be more around people of that kind, but who knows, maybe I am going to be at the European Juggle Convention which, curiously takes place near Ptui in Slovenia, where I have spent the most important summer in my entire life so far: 1997, cultural festival in the castle 'Borl'...
it's so good to have met them again. It's just so smooth and natural and somehow just right that I met them now...it's the right connection now for me. the right thing I need for my time in Berlin without ECLA. I have now connections to their friends, acrobats, jugglers, musicians....I will be busy in JULY!!!!
I actually had a great conversation with a guy who is musician, too, and who encouraged me to come to one of his open music sessions and who really seemed to know what I was talking about when I told him what kind of problems I have....man.....when I drove home, around 2 AM, in the night bus, I felt such a rush of LUCK in my blood. it 's just sooo good and it feels soooo natural!!!! As I was walking home, through the Schlosspark in the night, listening to the sound of the trees, hearing my feet walking through the gras I felt so happy and so inspired. I am inspired...and I realized that I have so many big feelings inside me, that sometimes this suffices. somehow, self-containing.For some reason I really don't seem to need a guy for this. Not yet. I am longing out for someone, just like the rest of us. But I have the feeling that I don't need a man to be complemented. There are so many dances inside myself, so many....there is a spring inside me that flows over, that wants to give birth, create, breathe, dance, freely....it feels so so so so good. all my love flows into the world, it is for free, for everybody!
And then I think that I really would like to join Artaban (scout-like group I had back in school) for the summertrip to Romania. They will help to build a kindergarden I think, and then go for a hiking trip. Just being in nature, doing arts and artistic stuff and giving love and what else I have to them....seems to be an amazing prospect for me. This year those in the 7 th grade are also coming along...So there is a lot I can teach and give them as a last input before I leave into the big wide world!!!!
i love you dear life
jayjay
Ohhh. yes....and today I visited Ruth, Nele and Elsa in their little room they rented out the last three months (i wrote about how i met them in 'and the saga continues') because they had invited me for an ethiopian dinner
when I arrived there were many people already there, and as it turned out, most of them were artists, as well.
Man, that was such an inspiring evening! just to breathe this artistic air! People, behaving naturally crazy, a bit crazy, you know..contact -improvisation just in walking by, a guy from Israel who was so incredible funny that I laughed my ass off...all the talks about festivals, street and variete shows......it s just so much my world. It's incredible....Of course it makes me yearn and longing out for a time in which I can be more around people of that kind, but who knows, maybe I am going to be at the European Juggle Convention which, curiously takes place near Ptui in Slovenia, where I have spent the most important summer in my entire life so far: 1997, cultural festival in the castle 'Borl'...
it's so good to have met them again. It's just so smooth and natural and somehow just right that I met them now...it's the right connection now for me. the right thing I need for my time in Berlin without ECLA. I have now connections to their friends, acrobats, jugglers, musicians....I will be busy in JULY!!!!
I actually had a great conversation with a guy who is musician, too, and who encouraged me to come to one of his open music sessions and who really seemed to know what I was talking about when I told him what kind of problems I have....man.....when I drove home, around 2 AM, in the night bus, I felt such a rush of LUCK in my blood. it 's just sooo good and it feels soooo natural!!!! As I was walking home, through the Schlosspark in the night, listening to the sound of the trees, hearing my feet walking through the gras I felt so happy and so inspired. I am inspired...and I realized that I have so many big feelings inside me, that sometimes this suffices. somehow, self-containing.For some reason I really don't seem to need a guy for this. Not yet. I am longing out for someone, just like the rest of us. But I have the feeling that I don't need a man to be complemented. There are so many dances inside myself, so many....there is a spring inside me that flows over, that wants to give birth, create, breathe, dance, freely....it feels so so so so good. all my love flows into the world, it is for free, for everybody!
And then I think that I really would like to join Artaban (scout-like group I had back in school) for the summertrip to Romania. They will help to build a kindergarden I think, and then go for a hiking trip. Just being in nature, doing arts and artistic stuff and giving love and what else I have to them....seems to be an amazing prospect for me. This year those in the 7 th grade are also coming along...So there is a lot I can teach and give them as a last input before I leave into the big wide world!!!!
i love you dear life
jayjay
the magic of POI
fire-swinging in the snow, pankow, 2005
poi-ing is something that genuinly swings....it is so fascinating for oneself and for others to see the movement of swinging ropes written into the night with fire....Me and Raphael are going to have a little show for the graduating party and I am planning to pracitce a lot more, once these two crazy last ecla-weeks are over... well, haha, there are many things I want to do then, but fire-swinging will be certainly amongst them....
poi-ing is something that genuinly swings....it is so fascinating for oneself and for others to see the movement of swinging ropes written into the night with fire....Me and Raphael are going to have a little show for the graduating party and I am planning to pracitce a lot more, once these two crazy last ecla-weeks are over... well, haha, there are many things I want to do then, but fire-swinging will be certainly amongst them....
Monday, June 06, 2005
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