it´s funny how in my inward struggles i tend to come to a point in which i look outward and feel this urge to kick into action on a worldly level. is it running away? i feel tired from my own struggles. it feels more right and justifiable to spend time involved with the outer struggles of human and non-human life.
i know that it doesn´t have to be a contradiction.
concentration
dedication.

oh when i hear these songs, i think of you veronica.

there is something about not knowing what the other is going through, that constitutes real drift sand. your thoughts are the sand the undercurrent fears and hopes and trembles are the drift. you feel as if you want to fly away and just drink from the well of forgetting but really you hope for your manifest destiny. unfolding leaves. endless dreams. breathing, breathing, breathe!
nothing will ever be the same again. such is the nature of everything. essentially we remain the same, but the wheel turns and the winds blow and ever new aspects of ourselves show, are revealed, concealed - i long for these lips to be kissed and worshipped and covered with your warmth and care. but i don´t know, i don´t know, i don´t know if they still will be there when i return, if i will still be there, or lost somewhere in the maze of my wondering and search for healing.
i really want to open up like a flower in spring time. let those old leafs of fear drop and nourish the ground. i can´t wait to rise up and use those wings. and once i fly i will know that the drifting sands are nothing but a mirage and the truth will be my way.

the dim hopes revolving around mystical matters are nothing but the shallow peel bound to wither and die as soon as it comes off. this island is magical. i wake from the birds in the early morning hours to a silver white flag dancing in the wind. it is eerily quiet in terms of civilization made noise, i can hear myself breathing.

the volcanic stones ashes speak in the womb of this earth: of olden times, of wrath and love.

lush is the valley.

i am not healed yet.

like water slowly trickeling through cracks in the ceiling, finding its way down to the shore.
I am awakening.
not everything goes the way i wish it would
but: i am here
first things first
and breathing

get a grip

so i write again and ask you if you can help me. but you have so many excuses and in the end you are too busy and you are sorry and thank me for the consideration. i say: it´s all good and may God bless and keep you always. and I feel: I will never see you again.

I am running down on the sand along the beach towards the Pier. The sun is shining on my bare back and I see the mountains carry their secrets and burdens solemnly. I know: I will never see you again and in a way that makes me feel calm and peaceful. It was our time, a long time ago, and now it has gone. We have trespassed into new eons and universes. We will never meet again.

And I remember how I told you once about that song we sang in school and how i was secretly worried that this would become true for us one day as well:

O ye'll tak' the high road, and Ah'll tak' the low (road)

And Ah'll be in Scotlan' afore ye

Fir me an' my true love will ne-er meet again

On the bonnie, bonnie banks o' Loch Lomon'.

 

 

And I think it has come to pass and I know it is good.