good morning

in the morning

she fell in love all over again
or maybe
maybe
she just loved
and maybe
it wasn't falling
but maybe she actually
flew

lessons to be learned

she said, Hey
you retransformed into the J I love the most!

and I smiled

I know
but...there are always lessons to be learned. and mistakes to be made. and forgiveness to be given. you know...
we all fall
like leaves

even in California they do
and they are so beautiful. beautifully falling
like you

overwhelming

When I was a child I had this deep deep feeling of trust in the most High. And I loved birds and was overwhelmed by the wide wide sky

Today I still am. But I have lost some of this certainty within. I have betrayed some of the most profound beliefs and convictions I had without even knowing where they came from. Maybe I had to lose them for a while to understand, that they, indeed, where not indoctrinated but were actually coming from within. And my parents made the way free for me to unfold my innermost feelings and thoughts.
Maybe, however, I was just spoiled by too many stories, especially tales about princesses or the litthe Jesus child.
I remember how one morning, my mother was making fire in the stove, I was lying in my bed and seriously contemplating on whether or not Jesus knew, as a child, that he was Jesus and if not, how I could know whether or not I was maybe Jesus too!
lol
wow, I don't know. What a child I was, really weird huh?
anyways. I was the third and in the fairy tales the third princess gets the prince



and I somehow believed in that, I always told guys off, even those I thought I was in love with too. I said 'well, if, then with the right one' but one day, one day i gave in and thought, well now, I gotta have my experiences too, and there was nothing wrong with that, actually, but in retrospect I totally have to say: man, they were not worth it after all. I might as well just have waited for HIM. that is for the guy I love so much.
The question, the burning question was always: HOW can I know, when something is true? How can I find the TRUTH? I was reaLLY bothered by that question. Would I realize, once he stood in front of me???
So I started listening to my heart, and training myself to learn how to distinguish between voices and the voice within.
And one day, I was standing under this tree:

With the guy I love so dearly now.
And I was leaning against him and felt a weird kind of trust and magic in my heart. And he called me a wild child and told me that he thought we should write this chapter together....
And today,
today I am so tired of all those games. Those games you are supposed to play in our society... I am tired of writing chapters or paragraphs, I freaking want to write a book. the neverending story. you know?
I am so tired of all those people in Hollywood who try to tell me that there is no such thing as staying together for ever and that it s all about how good the guy is in bed.
Don't get me wrong, he is wonderful! but i don't even think thats the point.
aargh.
I think, the point is, that we shouldn't let society dictate what we are supposed to do and stuff when we feel deeply. Of course, you have to listen to the voice of experience but more important: you have to listen to your heart.
I stopped doing that for a while
And now it feels like coming home:

Thats me, in the corner, losing and refinding my religion.
That's me, the third princess and I am waiting for my prince to solve the three riddles, fight the dragon, acquire his kingdom and then I will give him mine. And I will take his hand....

why i am such a heppy hepp?

that's....why!

is this love, is this love, is this love I am feeling

ahh. what a wonderful man
I love him so much, it s WEIRD. no. wait, it s BEAUTIFUL. some people here in hollywood keep telling me how life is disappointing and guys eventually will be too and stuff, and there is no such thing as staying together and shit, but hey, my parents did, whats your point motherfucker???
there is this guy, I had a crush on him in the beginning and he was all reserved and holding back and stuff, and as soon as I was with my love he started making moves on me, mf, hey, get your dirty phantasies out of my pants! i mean...I was flattered in a way, I m only human after all...but still...a phantasie of me being a farmers girl at 1945 (he is a sucker for WWII history and knows all the German words for the war terminology - WEIRD! -) and being raped by four russian guys is really way too far...of course, he can't help it if he has a certain phantasie that just pops up in his mind, but why, why did he tell me? yeah. to flatter and upset me. what the fuck. so now he started giving me shit how i don't give him hugs to say hi, when I am with my love. WTF? I mean, hey, I respect him, so I don't give guys a cordially hug that he knows I had a crush on back in the days. thats it. so he makes fun of me how stupid i am to be like that and how much i still have to learn and lalalla, you know what, he is 36 and doesn't believe in long term relationships. so fine. does that mean, that me too, I will eventually, inevitably grow to believe the same?
NOPE!
and you know why?
because i have a different outlook on life pothead!
dah.
so ANNOYING. and then he says ' you know G, we'll be friends for ever, I know that, you'll write me way much later and say 'hey sean, you were right with this and that'
RIGHT
i DON'T know, homey, if you can't respect that I am how I am and just make fun of it...so be it! I don't need that shit. AMEN.




I m still a life lover though :))



and smiles is what I can give plenty and for FREE, to everybody. to homeless people and to rich people i don't care. that's what I have and I can give, other than money for example!!!! and i mean it, too!!! I can even smile for this emeffing bitch J________. I mean, I forgive her. Or rather, let me put it this way 'Oh father, forgive them for they know not what they do..."
yeah, lauryn hill really beautifully sang this song by B. Marley....yeah. we all know where it comes from...the problem, however, might be, that she knew what she was doing. or wait, no, she didn't. She can't see HOW it is wrong for real what she is doing!!! *sigh* won't stop me from smiling though. I have so much trust in life, it is ridiculous.

ahh it s so cool to post pictures

so i am only slowly getting there..for example, i don't know yet how to actually know, which of the thousand pics i have is which so i just randomly clicked on two and am very curious which ones they are! lol

So Everybody, this is how a heppy G looks like!
The reason why she is so heppy is:

I am still in the city of Angels and I am actually finding ways of how to be balanced and heppy despite all the bullweird in Hollyweird...I mean, hey, a sparkeling, amazing, mind blowing lady named Amanda with who I hopefully will collaborate on doing an art- and music show, a good friend named Tiffany with who I collaborate on writing songs and a wife far away in Albania make it all happen after all. Ah, wait, having my own SPACE, in case I didn't mention that yet, is all the difference for my peace of mind TOO! There is nothing better than waking up in the morning, get out of bed NOT step on anything that is not yours, make some tea, listen to music I LIKE (not the eternal TV background I had to bare all the time at my sister's) and go about my business creates this space in my mind that reconnects me with my creative sources, I actually have creative ideas again and I am much happier than before.
AND DID I MENTION it is SO nice not to doubt and be intimate with random beautiful people? Dany does it all for me. Yeah.
so, these are good news I suppose

And now everybody, pray for me so the Liberal Arts College in Pennsylvania, haverford college, accepts my application, so i can study close to my dear sis Alexi, who is going to be in Connecticut next school year! Yippie yeah yeah!

love and smiles

G

LIFE GOES ON

yeah so here we go, second level guitar program at my music school in LA.
It's pouring down like crazy, I got drenched and screamed and yelled and cussed like a truckdriver into the rain: NO TAXI in sight, I mean, geez, where are those effing taxi's when you need'em????!
so I've got good news though, I missed my registrations appointment before break, i had it REAL early so I'd get all my first choices of classes and teachers but OF COURSE i freaking forgot it!!! I mean, how stupid can you be. So I wound up registrating at the very last day possible and of course everything was gone by then. But you know how I work: I just trust in life and fate and what not. I know you can't lean back and let life come to you but in the same time I trust that things happen for a reason. I still make stuff happen don't get me wrong but still, the proof for my trust is:
The teachers I got now are FUCKING AWESOME!!! My private teacher...i thought, damn i have a freaking Rock guy! I wanted acoustic/latin! But guess what, he worked on stuff with me that I REALLY NEED. He s as good as my piano teacher back in the days. He turned out to be German, too, which is a funny coincidence. We were really startled and didn't know whether to talk Enligsh or German but in the end we stuck with English because its really really weird to talk German all of the sudden.

So life, once more, gave me exactly what I need and I'm real happy for that.

Things with my love are going well too, I just don't see him enough but that's life I guess.

Oh, and I learn cooking now! Just learning by doing basically! BUt it s SO MUCH FUN!!!! I made myself some GOOD stuff today yummy yummy
And I'll learn how to make ROMANIAN food so i can cook for my sweet Romanian Boyfriend....hahhaha. Does anybody recognize the independent 'i don't cook' emancipated girl many people thought I was??? Ha! WRONG! I always wanted to cook for those I love. I just didn't know how. BUt I made pancakes for my beloved babysitter girls. see, it s always been there.

And I ve never been THAT Kind of an emancipated woman that I thought that the traditional things that women do are bad. It's all good man, as long as there is RESPECT, mutual help, support and meeting in the middle sort of stuff, also known as compromise and the will to make it work and make the other person happy.

thats it from LA the city of WEIRDOS, DREAMERS, FAKERS, and MAKERS

g

from the city of fallen angels

fallen angels....
I think of Therese a wonderful young woman who was blossoming and shining and she is going her way with the dignity of a fallen angel.
angels don't know how to cry.
and she knows the bitter sweet taste of salty water
and she knows that bitter sweet taste of shattered dreams
and she knows the bitter sweet taste of hope when it gets attacked by nasty reality
and she knows the bitter sweet taste of thin red blood
and she knows herself now a little bit more

and she moves on. never abandoning her wings but using her feet
and she moves on planting new seeds of love
and she moves on with tears in the corner of her mouth
and she moves on with a song in her heart

a song for the fallen angels
a song for the fairytales
a song for the lost hopes that swirl around in the atmosphere
a song for those who don't know what tears taste like
a song for those who don't know what a lie tastes like
a song for those who don't believe the convictions and the courage of the past
a song for those who fall for tomorrow
a song for those who are not in peace

hale to you Therese
hale to you lady in red
hale to you lady who lost her innocence and maintained it in her heart
hale to you lady who bares the dignity of a mater dola rosa without losing the affection for the now
hale to you my friend.