it´s only a flimsy, a tiny little repercussion of tremors that quickly subside...
I feel disconnected from this heat
no need

My heart cracks and tears start rolling. Like the pouring rain outside, and it escapes my rationality as to why. It´s just a flight. In the worst case you´ll have to pay a little more... Who cares? Little sobs start bubbling up from underneath the wall.

How can such a small incidence make me so weak inside?

The lady at the check-in point is much nicer than the check-in computer. Instead of paying a change-fee now I am on standby for the next flight. She understands the stress of coming late and traffic due to rain in a city in which rain is rare.

- Will I fail myself again? Fail all deadlines, all things I wanted to do? What is that thing in my head that makes me feel so empty and mushy and muddled? I was supposed to be brilliant.
What is it that I truly love?
What have I done with my precious time?
What am I doing with my days?
Where is my tribe?

I don´t know where this fear comes from
How I became so afraid of losing everyone
Never been afraid of being lonely
Now I am becoming I´m most scared of being

Can´t I just gather all pieces and bits and concentrate for once in my lifetime?
 I am not getting the work done I said I was going to do. Where is the solution? Say no to things I don´t love? Or break through that wall?


I don´t know where this fear comes from
This fear from failing
This fear from letting everyone and myself 
down


It´s growing deep into my soul, making me paralyzed and cold
It´s two steps forwards three steps again.

It feels ridiculous to feel so lost and like such a loser when factually I know that I have a family of friends and that I have created beauty and balance, again and again.
It´s not enough it seems. I am dying inside, just now, in this moment, it seems.

I´ll turn my face against it I won´t run
Courage and belief are my redeems
No man can rescue me it seems.
Because if I don´t follow my heart this time
I´m gonna forget what this life is all about
I´m gonna take that path I´m going in on my own
I´m gonna take that fear and wear it like a crown