I have a love relationship with berlin. this vast city is just the perfect playground for creative lunatics and berlin acquaints me frequently with them...and, funny but true, i always get to know the best people when i am alone out there.
remember the crazy encounter with that guy in the bus at 3 am. he offered me a glas of champaign which he was drinking in the bus to celebrate something.
or all these musicians i ve already met in the u-bahn. it seems as if everybody here is either an artist or musician. :) niiiice!~
christoph (HE isn't a musician but has a concert agency and a little label) invited me 2n8 to this wicked party at Bastards, where absolutely lunatic-englishmen had an amazing drum'n'bass show, using all sorts of funny dressings and the show was just so gorgeous, everybody was standing there with that huge smile in their faces because these artists were just behaving like kids, enJOYing playing and fooling around. it was simply great.
i was there alone because Sheesha and Theresa couldn't join me after all.
well and it was good this way!
www.blakeworld.com or www.puppetmastaz.com (a project of his) is the new crazy acquaintance with which berlin provided me. berlin is such a good lover, just as lovers are suppoesed to do, it brings me every now and then a present...
and blake is such a present!
:)
smiles from berlin!
geraldine
Friday, April 29, 2005
Thursday, April 28, 2005
you made me
cry when the silky light stroke my hair gently in the night
dark raven wings rushed through sinister clouds
and time and space were cut
in half
in your arms
in your smile
dark raven wings rushed through sinister clouds
and time and space were cut
in half
in your arms
in your smile
Reverence, Faithless...
Watch me ride...
Take the words and the bass,
Taste, and then swallow me,
You're chasing the devil
Cos you're level if you follow me
For quality, and I make no apology
For linking my thinking with computer technology.
Cos this is like a modern day hymn
For the new church,
I search for the truth,
I've got a hole in my tooth,
I'm uncouth, yes sir,
I'm from the street university
Where we learn to earn even in times of adversity.
And I will find it a easy when you're out a hard time,
Petite crime sometimes,
But now I'm inclined to find
A fresh direction, kiss me neck,
Check out the funky section.
Cos this is the part where I start to rip up words,
A comfort coming straight from my heart,
I'm not a mystic,
My views are realistic, simplistic,
One special brew I get pissed quick,
And get sick so I don't do it no more,
I won't find peace of mind
Rolling around on the floor.
The point I want to make,
The mistake is to take without giving,
From within,You know how I'm living,
I'm cool, I'm looking after myself,
And I could never place wealth before my spirit,
I feel it's unhealthy,
The devil creep around you so stealthy, stealthy
'Till you get bold, rush the gold,
And before you're much older,
You're soul is sold, where's it getting ya,
Competition starts swearing ya,
Gold-diggers setting you up,
Soon be forgetting your existence,
Do you need a for instance,
I have to admire your persistence
In sticking to a game plan,
That brings you pain man,
And at the end of the day nothing is gained,
So listen to the voice within,
I'll see ya later,
Pay heed to the Grand Oral Disseminator.
Quite still you feel there's nothing going on
until you realize the space behind your
eyes is filling up with something like peace
as your thoughts cease some pleasure grows in your soul.
I aint a Christian
Sometimes I feel like diss'in em
But listen I'm just trying to tell you what I know
if you would once relax, chill to the max
these words on wax will cause sweet bells to ring in your soul.
If I say God is alive I know you'll want to know why babies die, food don't grow. Why?
Trains smash, plans crash,situation mash and slam bam
your fellow man - money's in fashion
it aint rational, because dammit, he didn't just give us the planet
and its wealth, inside your soul he left a piece of himself, his voice is small I keep lying and trying,
Denying the call from inside
You can't hide responsibility
So decide from today just who it's going to be,
Thou shalt have no other God but me,
So set you free see,
But you'll have to listen,
And who's that false idol
I see you kissing?
Money, success and untold wealth, good health
And all you have to do is love yourself.
It's a fact you'll attract all the things that you lack,
So just chill
And get off the race track
And take a pace back, face facts,
It's your decision,
You don't need eyes to see,
You need vision,
Continue to view the lord as being separated
And you'll be living a lie that's being perpetrated,
For many centuries,
I'm on a mission I want to mention these facts,
These facts in my rap,
I don't sing,
But I want to share the peace that they bring,
My name is G.O.D.
The Grand Oral Disseminator
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
UPDATE
oh, i miss basel so much right now!
lord knows why but i miss it! i miss you elissa, marina, anuschka.... i miss the Rhein shore, the bridge, the lifestyle, the djane-basement, the parties, the life, sports
oh okay my update:
crazy projects?
too many in my head, to little out there! my mewest idea is to kick myselef in my ass and write every week two songs and perform them to my college-fellas to get some criticism...Christoph (the concert agency guy whom i met before x mas) said he ll kill me if i don't invite him but, huh, i ve got such a fuckin hard time to eventually show .....
besides that i spend a lot of time with Theresa, our friendship really gains depth every week. she is really into the relationship thing and grows and changes because of it. i really cannot imagine that for myself at the moment. it s crazy but the truth. i didn't think it would take that long for me, but i still feel as if i need enough space and time to stretch my wings....gotta watch out, that i don't simply get used to it....
thats it for today.
g
lord knows why but i miss it! i miss you elissa, marina, anuschka.... i miss the Rhein shore, the bridge, the lifestyle, the djane-basement, the parties, the life, sports
oh okay my update:
crazy projects?
too many in my head, to little out there! my mewest idea is to kick myselef in my ass and write every week two songs and perform them to my college-fellas to get some criticism...Christoph (the concert agency guy whom i met before x mas) said he ll kill me if i don't invite him but, huh, i ve got such a fuckin hard time to eventually show .....
besides that i spend a lot of time with Theresa, our friendship really gains depth every week. she is really into the relationship thing and grows and changes because of it. i really cannot imagine that for myself at the moment. it s crazy but the truth. i didn't think it would take that long for me, but i still feel as if i need enough space and time to stretch my wings....gotta watch out, that i don't simply get used to it....
thats it for today.
g
Sunday, April 24, 2005
6 th grade
i remember, back then, 1996, blackforest
there was a party, one of our first parties, at lisa's house.
yeah, the way a proper party should look like was very clear to us, back then. it was supposed to have good juices around to drink, but that wasn't so important. more important was the music, to dance, and nice decoration, and light... yeah, we didn't know, that the grown ups did NOT have parties like that. we thought, that this was the way it was supposed to be. we did not smoke, we did not drink alcohol and we did not sit around a whole night, 'chillin' around. the word 'chilling' was not popular back then anyways, at least not to us.
we danced as we liked to, but more importantly, we danced in pairs. the 'broom'-dance was very popular, for example. all danced in pairs, one with a broom, and when the music stopped everybody had to switch partners and one would wound up with the broom...and in the end there was a broom king and a broom queen who had to dance together, all alone on the 'dancefloor'....
our first experience with numbness was not with drugs, as it is apparently a major feature of the 'grown-up' parties, but with making ourselves lose our consciousness with that breathing trick. i was very fond of that...you would breath deep about 50 times and then press your fingers against your mouth and lose your consciousness for about a few seconds...
i liked it so much but when juli told me that i lose many brain-cells doing that i stopped it and was actually very worried about my precious brain-cells ;-)
this particular evening though i was in a very strange mood. i remember that although we had such a great class spirit everyone was very aware of the inner dynamics in our class with groups and who was popular and who was not. i guess in any group it is like that.
i was popular but i had been excluded from the very first party. they hadn't invited me. it was at lisa's house and lisa was my biggest rival. they all were very much into the first explorations of the other sex. i wasn't really. i was very idealistic back then. i was the third at home and the third always gets the prince in the end. and i was waiting for that prince. sure, i was in love with some boys, now and then, and more and more as time went on, but this night i was sad and sat on the broad window sill of lisa's room and looked into the dark night.
there was a huge round moon floating in the sky and staring at it i felt like my wings spread a little. i suddenly knew for sure that you were out there. somewhere. i did not know who you were but i knew you were there and you were probably feeling the same. we all do.
so i sent all my love and feelings and longings up there, to the moon, poor fellow, he gets all those vibes although he didn't ask for them....
i am still looking up there sometimes. the moon is full again. la told me all women get this special feeling when the moon is full. maybe he knows.
the music and dancing went on in the room but it was so far away from me then. i sat there for ages, all feeling, all senses, all longing and yearning.
lisa and i are very good friends now and we both know by now, that 'grown-up' parties are not as we imagined them to be back then.
but we still dance and we still love, explore and have high hopes. and we still have ideals.
and i sometimes just dance in the streets, at night, when i listen to good music and see the stars above me. then i think of you and how much i love you
there was a party, one of our first parties, at lisa's house.
yeah, the way a proper party should look like was very clear to us, back then. it was supposed to have good juices around to drink, but that wasn't so important. more important was the music, to dance, and nice decoration, and light... yeah, we didn't know, that the grown ups did NOT have parties like that. we thought, that this was the way it was supposed to be. we did not smoke, we did not drink alcohol and we did not sit around a whole night, 'chillin' around. the word 'chilling' was not popular back then anyways, at least not to us.
we danced as we liked to, but more importantly, we danced in pairs. the 'broom'-dance was very popular, for example. all danced in pairs, one with a broom, and when the music stopped everybody had to switch partners and one would wound up with the broom...and in the end there was a broom king and a broom queen who had to dance together, all alone on the 'dancefloor'....
our first experience with numbness was not with drugs, as it is apparently a major feature of the 'grown-up' parties, but with making ourselves lose our consciousness with that breathing trick. i was very fond of that...you would breath deep about 50 times and then press your fingers against your mouth and lose your consciousness for about a few seconds...
i liked it so much but when juli told me that i lose many brain-cells doing that i stopped it and was actually very worried about my precious brain-cells ;-)
this particular evening though i was in a very strange mood. i remember that although we had such a great class spirit everyone was very aware of the inner dynamics in our class with groups and who was popular and who was not. i guess in any group it is like that.
i was popular but i had been excluded from the very first party. they hadn't invited me. it was at lisa's house and lisa was my biggest rival. they all were very much into the first explorations of the other sex. i wasn't really. i was very idealistic back then. i was the third at home and the third always gets the prince in the end. and i was waiting for that prince. sure, i was in love with some boys, now and then, and more and more as time went on, but this night i was sad and sat on the broad window sill of lisa's room and looked into the dark night.
there was a huge round moon floating in the sky and staring at it i felt like my wings spread a little. i suddenly knew for sure that you were out there. somewhere. i did not know who you were but i knew you were there and you were probably feeling the same. we all do.
so i sent all my love and feelings and longings up there, to the moon, poor fellow, he gets all those vibes although he didn't ask for them....
i am still looking up there sometimes. the moon is full again. la told me all women get this special feeling when the moon is full. maybe he knows.
the music and dancing went on in the room but it was so far away from me then. i sat there for ages, all feeling, all senses, all longing and yearning.
lisa and i are very good friends now and we both know by now, that 'grown-up' parties are not as we imagined them to be back then.
but we still dance and we still love, explore and have high hopes. and we still have ideals.
and i sometimes just dance in the streets, at night, when i listen to good music and see the stars above me. then i think of you and how much i love you
Marla
I just wanted to tell you all how much I admire what Marla did and advertise once more her website www.civicworldwide.org
She risked her life and eventually gave her life for a people that her nation is involved with...
hmm....
marla....
She risked her life and eventually gave her life for a people that her nation is involved with...
hmm....
marla....
Saturday, April 23, 2005
music
late in the night...
my stomach aches....
and you are not here to hold my hand....
my fingers hurt...
the essay isn't born yet...
air sings "all I need"...
and I wonder...
I wonder....
what it is that I need.....
do i need you, Anouschka?
do i need you, you, you, you, you?
force is broken
ambition drowned
what remained
remained
was a soaking wet blueprint
of my smile
my stomach aches....
and you are not here to hold my hand....
my fingers hurt...
the essay isn't born yet...
air sings "all I need"...
and I wonder...
I wonder....
what it is that I need.....
do i need you, Anouschka?
do i need you, you, you, you, you?
force is broken
ambition drowned
what remained
remained
was a soaking wet blueprint
of my smile
Friday, April 22, 2005
julia butterfly hill and Marla Ruzicka
are two women with such a determination and strength nourshied by their love to the world and human beings and the wish to change something, that I am struck each time I hear from them...
Yesterday night I came back from celebrating Danilo's birthday...tired and worn out...and started surfing the web, as I wasn't ready yet to go to bed. Many thoughts crossed my mind. I guess I had something like a minitiatur crisis, thinking of my life and objectives which I didn't manage to bring all together yet. I really admire those women, and they are an uncomparable source of inspiration and motivation for me.
It's really remarkable that always, when I read something like what happened to Julia or now to Marla (she just died in Iraq!!!!), about environmental and humanitarian/social destruction, I start crying. I am not a crybaby usually, but I cannot help it each time...and it's as if I feel then:"Oh yes, that is what REALLY bothers me, always has and always will" and not those little stupid (but yeah, socially still valid) problems of my life and not at any rate problems such as me not being able to buy new shoes or clothes because i don't have enough money....I feel at times so disgusted by that consumers life here in cities....I love the city, sure, especially the special social environment that emerges from it and the creative playground in Berlin.....but life gets superficial very easily and caught up in everyday routines which prevent us from looking further than our own little horizon....
When I read about these women, some sort of urgency in my feeling and further determination arises....
Thats when I know that it is right to study law. Or, alternatively, anything of interest and be just an activist. But I cannot bury the hope yet, to be able to be more effective if I have the means of a lawyer. I just don't have to lose the freshness and spontaneity and courage that makes those women go out and do something in the moment......
www.circleoflife.org (julia's webpage)
www.civicworldwide.org (marla's webpage)
check it out!~
geraldine
~lets reach each others hands and make a difference with whatever our special gift might be~
Yesterday night I came back from celebrating Danilo's birthday...tired and worn out...and started surfing the web, as I wasn't ready yet to go to bed. Many thoughts crossed my mind. I guess I had something like a minitiatur crisis, thinking of my life and objectives which I didn't manage to bring all together yet. I really admire those women, and they are an uncomparable source of inspiration and motivation for me.
It's really remarkable that always, when I read something like what happened to Julia or now to Marla (she just died in Iraq!!!!), about environmental and humanitarian/social destruction, I start crying. I am not a crybaby usually, but I cannot help it each time...and it's as if I feel then:"Oh yes, that is what REALLY bothers me, always has and always will" and not those little stupid (but yeah, socially still valid) problems of my life and not at any rate problems such as me not being able to buy new shoes or clothes because i don't have enough money....I feel at times so disgusted by that consumers life here in cities....I love the city, sure, especially the special social environment that emerges from it and the creative playground in Berlin.....but life gets superficial very easily and caught up in everyday routines which prevent us from looking further than our own little horizon....
When I read about these women, some sort of urgency in my feeling and further determination arises....
Thats when I know that it is right to study law. Or, alternatively, anything of interest and be just an activist. But I cannot bury the hope yet, to be able to be more effective if I have the means of a lawyer. I just don't have to lose the freshness and spontaneity and courage that makes those women go out and do something in the moment......
www.circleoflife.org (julia's webpage)
www.civicworldwide.org (marla's webpage)
check it out!~
geraldine
~lets reach each others hands and make a difference with whatever our special gift might be~
Thursday, April 21, 2005
revelation
UUUUUUUH!
if anybody wants to know what I mean, listen to Dead Prez' song "mind sex"! Thats how it works....
:)
hey, sun is shining, I have a MARVELLOUS elective class with David Levine on directing and dramaturgy, concentrating on Simone Weil (A F****** IMPRESSING WOMAN!) and her unfinished play "Venice Sauvee"...
It's so cool, because Venice is "my" city...really cool...
Hm. And I am LONGING out for a life of my own, in which I can concentrate on being creative, studying, breathing, breathing in, breathing out in a natural pace....I have that dream of having a flat somewhere, vast, sun shining in, and lots of time time time! There are so many ideas and projects and possiblities in my mind and heart which I would love to bring into being!
Oh oh oh yeah, and a nice lover! Dance, music, discussion, resting and acting....
I want/need/find inspiration!!! Love and life are the source of inspiration, if you just open up....
if anybody wants to know what I mean, listen to Dead Prez' song "mind sex"! Thats how it works....
:)
hey, sun is shining, I have a MARVELLOUS elective class with David Levine on directing and dramaturgy, concentrating on Simone Weil (A F****** IMPRESSING WOMAN!) and her unfinished play "Venice Sauvee"...
It's so cool, because Venice is "my" city...really cool...
Hm. And I am LONGING out for a life of my own, in which I can concentrate on being creative, studying, breathing, breathing in, breathing out in a natural pace....I have that dream of having a flat somewhere, vast, sun shining in, and lots of time time time! There are so many ideas and projects and possiblities in my mind and heart which I would love to bring into being!
Oh oh oh yeah, and a nice lover! Dance, music, discussion, resting and acting....
I want/need/find inspiration!!! Love and life are the source of inspiration, if you just open up....
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
the purification of love
"know thyself" was already way back in the ancient greek times the key word which would later be extended by Jesus Christ to "love others as you love yourself".
Well, by reading this as "love yourself as you love others" we come to a point which is to my mind more important and appropriate for our times.
You can only love yourself if you "know thyself". Not loving yourself and therefore not being able to fully love, with all that you are, others, or not being loved and therefore never learning how you could love yourself, is a vicious circle. If you know yourself, however, there is no way you cannot love yourself, in my opinion, because only superficial and unhumble knowledge can make you hate yourself even more.
So what does "knowing" mean then. You can know yourself in many different ways and levels. The physical part is the easiest and nowadays often most stressed level. If you don't know your body, you will not reach the possible heights of love making.
Then, entering into the realm of emotions things get more tricky. Emotions are not easily fixed, they are not static and ever flowing. However, learning how to distinguish between mere "lust-based" emotions and deeper emotions that are true to the "voice within" is possible and this ability can guide you on your way through the valleys and mountains of your soul.
Spiritually, intellectually you have to know your own mind. And as this is as everything also not static but developing, growing, the most important thing is, I suppose, to know your potentials and your weak points. Love, mind-sex, inspiration, conceiving new, creating a third subject out of two loving ones, is the most exciting and fulfilling and striving experience and force that we can access through that knowledge only.
Because, if you deny and refuse your potential you close all doors through which the "other" can enter to be loved in a pure way.
Pure love is, in my opinion, stripped off any concealed jealousy, pittying sense of ones own inferiority and the other ones glorification,- it is the admiration, the true-seeing, the enthusiasm and deep concern and interest for the other. On all levels. Or just on some. Pure love is, to let love prepare grounds for a creative act, let it be the inspiration for growth and innovation in oneself and the other...
Well, by reading this as "love yourself as you love others" we come to a point which is to my mind more important and appropriate for our times.
You can only love yourself if you "know thyself". Not loving yourself and therefore not being able to fully love, with all that you are, others, or not being loved and therefore never learning how you could love yourself, is a vicious circle. If you know yourself, however, there is no way you cannot love yourself, in my opinion, because only superficial and unhumble knowledge can make you hate yourself even more.
So what does "knowing" mean then. You can know yourself in many different ways and levels. The physical part is the easiest and nowadays often most stressed level. If you don't know your body, you will not reach the possible heights of love making.
Then, entering into the realm of emotions things get more tricky. Emotions are not easily fixed, they are not static and ever flowing. However, learning how to distinguish between mere "lust-based" emotions and deeper emotions that are true to the "voice within" is possible and this ability can guide you on your way through the valleys and mountains of your soul.
Spiritually, intellectually you have to know your own mind. And as this is as everything also not static but developing, growing, the most important thing is, I suppose, to know your potentials and your weak points. Love, mind-sex, inspiration, conceiving new, creating a third subject out of two loving ones, is the most exciting and fulfilling and striving experience and force that we can access through that knowledge only.
Because, if you deny and refuse your potential you close all doors through which the "other" can enter to be loved in a pure way.
Pure love is, in my opinion, stripped off any concealed jealousy, pittying sense of ones own inferiority and the other ones glorification,- it is the admiration, the true-seeing, the enthusiasm and deep concern and interest for the other. On all levels. Or just on some. Pure love is, to let love prepare grounds for a creative act, let it be the inspiration for growth and innovation in oneself and the other...
Monday, April 18, 2005
Guardian Angels or why Geraldine does not need the Hospitalityclub...
I have to tell you one of the craziest stories ever!
This weekend I was in Frankfurt to accompany Theresa to the airport where she was going to pick up her boyfriend. Then, as Silvia and Bumma couldnt make it to meet me there, I decided to visit Silvia in Heidelberg where she just moved to, as it isn't far away from Frankfurt.
Well, I passed a nice day there and decided to leave sunday with the train (instead of hitchhiking which I usually do), to be able to read Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, which was assigned to us until MOnday.
Well, I couldn't leave, however, without having a haircut at the hairdressers where I had a cut two years ago when I was so mad at Jerome with whom I visited Heidelberg back then.
The hairdresser was a very bad surprise though, Silvia and I were slightly terrified by his obvious ignorance of the simpliest techniques and I managed to leave him before he could to serious harm tto my beuatiful hair. ;-)
That's how the misery started.
Instead of arriving at 7 o'clock pm, which would have been a decent time for situating myself in Berlin and meeting up with L.A. (who this guy is you can read in a post somewhere below) but now, because of this terrible haricut on which i spent 20 euros, I was to arrive in Berlin at 10 o;clock. Well then, L.A. was fine with that and I soon was caught up in the book I read.
In Kassel, however, which is a fuckin small city in Germany but still has TWO trainstations, one of which LOOKS like a main station whereas in reality the smaller one is the main one. Being involved in my book and the music I was listening to, I got off at the bigger station, assuming it to be the main one. I found the next platform where my train was due, waited for it and when it didn't arrive I inquired at the information spot and found out that I was at the wrong station.
Man, that really pissed me off! I tried to get some money from my account which, for some reason, was not possible (I guess I spent too much money in Heidelberg :-/) thus I even couldn't take a taxi to the next gas station in order to hitch hike...
L.A calmed me down and said he would be going out this night anyways so we even could have a midnight dinner together. Somewhat calmed down by that prospect I decided to wait those 2 hours and take a proper connection to Berlin.
So I did! And I believed myself to be in the right train, until, at 8 pm, I realized that the station which would have been my next destination, did not appear~!
I, apparently near to a nervous breakdown facing all this confusion, found out after talking to quite a few people, that I was on the right track but in the opposite direction! I was near Dortmund by then!!!!!
Can you imagine my surprise, shock and distress I found myself in, realizing how stupid I was??? It had been, again, this fucking main trainstation in Kassel, which I had missed in order to change trains.
Jesus! But I got acquainted with a very intersting guy with such a fucked up life that I thought it worth to be written down and fur sure, showed me how lucky i was despite all that stress I encountered.
]In Hagen, where I eventually wound up, the lady of the DB told me I should try to get on the night train to Berlin. However, the controlleur there just didn't let me in without a ticket, and as I had NO money at all left with me and no possiblity to get some, I found myself REALLY fucked up in that moment. I really detest german bureaucracy sometimes. Man, with some common sense people could let you in a train late at night...
Before I offend all germans, however, I will come to the more astonishing and crazy part of the story....
As I went back to the main building a woman called after me. It was the woman, who had been standing beside me, when I explained my situation to the controlleurs...She said: I cannot pay you the ticket to Berlin, but would it help you, if I give you 50 Euros, so you can take a Hotel and go to a bank tomorrow??? I, dissolved in tears already, refused, but she insisted and gave me the money in a hurry, as she had to catch her train.
This broke my self-command entirely, now I was crying even more, for which reason ever it was. As I walked down the building, a hand touched me gently from behind, and a woman said:"oh, my, what is wrong" and gave me a hug to console me. As you know, this kind of treatment often leads to even more tears and I explained her my situation, sobbing and laughing at the same time (the Kilcher-woman are known for that kind of mixture!). She obviously had determined herself within a few seconds to help me, and after examining some options of what I could do (ranging from taking an ICE to hitchhiking) she insisted on taking me to her mothers house, who she was visiting that night and to take a train the next morning.
That's how I wound up in her mothers house, getting at last something to eat, went to bed earlier than ever and slept very well.
The both woman, Heike-Angel, and her mother, were real "Mothers" in that sense that they would do everything to make me happy and were happy that they could make me happy. :-))
The next morning Heike gave me antoher 55 Euros so I could buy the f****expensive ticket to Berlin, insisted on me not feeling obliged to return it nor the favour and then showed me, half joking half earnest, a photo from one of her 4 sons. "You know, she said, he just broke up with his girlfriend and I have always thought that a girl like you, so natural and nice, would be better for him..." lol...
then she was quick to assure, that it was just a joke and that i should not feel obliged to even write to her, as she shares my opinion on the issue of meeting people: the moment is what is important, not the superficial contact that often follows encounters like that.
But yet, if I should happen to be near Ludwigsburg I should not hesitat to stay at their house, with how many friends ever I would bring with me :)
Look, the point is, I feel incredibly blessed to having met two so gracious guardian-angels and I just want to let all of you know, that there are many Germans who are so much unlike the rather negative picture often drawn upon them....
I thank god for the occasion to acknowledge that and yeah, now I am back to Berlin... lucky me.... I still can;'t believe it really and am totally puzzled...
La vita es dolce~!
This weekend I was in Frankfurt to accompany Theresa to the airport where she was going to pick up her boyfriend. Then, as Silvia and Bumma couldnt make it to meet me there, I decided to visit Silvia in Heidelberg where she just moved to, as it isn't far away from Frankfurt.
Well, I passed a nice day there and decided to leave sunday with the train (instead of hitchhiking which I usually do), to be able to read Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, which was assigned to us until MOnday.
Well, I couldn't leave, however, without having a haircut at the hairdressers where I had a cut two years ago when I was so mad at Jerome with whom I visited Heidelberg back then.
The hairdresser was a very bad surprise though, Silvia and I were slightly terrified by his obvious ignorance of the simpliest techniques and I managed to leave him before he could to serious harm tto my beuatiful hair. ;-)
That's how the misery started.
Instead of arriving at 7 o'clock pm, which would have been a decent time for situating myself in Berlin and meeting up with L.A. (who this guy is you can read in a post somewhere below) but now, because of this terrible haricut on which i spent 20 euros, I was to arrive in Berlin at 10 o;clock. Well then, L.A. was fine with that and I soon was caught up in the book I read.
In Kassel, however, which is a fuckin small city in Germany but still has TWO trainstations, one of which LOOKS like a main station whereas in reality the smaller one is the main one. Being involved in my book and the music I was listening to, I got off at the bigger station, assuming it to be the main one. I found the next platform where my train was due, waited for it and when it didn't arrive I inquired at the information spot and found out that I was at the wrong station.
Man, that really pissed me off! I tried to get some money from my account which, for some reason, was not possible (I guess I spent too much money in Heidelberg :-/) thus I even couldn't take a taxi to the next gas station in order to hitch hike...
L.A calmed me down and said he would be going out this night anyways so we even could have a midnight dinner together. Somewhat calmed down by that prospect I decided to wait those 2 hours and take a proper connection to Berlin.
So I did! And I believed myself to be in the right train, until, at 8 pm, I realized that the station which would have been my next destination, did not appear~!
I, apparently near to a nervous breakdown facing all this confusion, found out after talking to quite a few people, that I was on the right track but in the opposite direction! I was near Dortmund by then!!!!!
Can you imagine my surprise, shock and distress I found myself in, realizing how stupid I was??? It had been, again, this fucking main trainstation in Kassel, which I had missed in order to change trains.
Jesus! But I got acquainted with a very intersting guy with such a fucked up life that I thought it worth to be written down and fur sure, showed me how lucky i was despite all that stress I encountered.
]In Hagen, where I eventually wound up, the lady of the DB told me I should try to get on the night train to Berlin. However, the controlleur there just didn't let me in without a ticket, and as I had NO money at all left with me and no possiblity to get some, I found myself REALLY fucked up in that moment. I really detest german bureaucracy sometimes. Man, with some common sense people could let you in a train late at night...
Before I offend all germans, however, I will come to the more astonishing and crazy part of the story....
As I went back to the main building a woman called after me. It was the woman, who had been standing beside me, when I explained my situation to the controlleurs...She said: I cannot pay you the ticket to Berlin, but would it help you, if I give you 50 Euros, so you can take a Hotel and go to a bank tomorrow??? I, dissolved in tears already, refused, but she insisted and gave me the money in a hurry, as she had to catch her train.
This broke my self-command entirely, now I was crying even more, for which reason ever it was. As I walked down the building, a hand touched me gently from behind, and a woman said:"oh, my, what is wrong" and gave me a hug to console me. As you know, this kind of treatment often leads to even more tears and I explained her my situation, sobbing and laughing at the same time (the Kilcher-woman are known for that kind of mixture!). She obviously had determined herself within a few seconds to help me, and after examining some options of what I could do (ranging from taking an ICE to hitchhiking) she insisted on taking me to her mothers house, who she was visiting that night and to take a train the next morning.
That's how I wound up in her mothers house, getting at last something to eat, went to bed earlier than ever and slept very well.
The both woman, Heike-Angel, and her mother, were real "Mothers" in that sense that they would do everything to make me happy and were happy that they could make me happy. :-))
The next morning Heike gave me antoher 55 Euros so I could buy the f****expensive ticket to Berlin, insisted on me not feeling obliged to return it nor the favour and then showed me, half joking half earnest, a photo from one of her 4 sons. "You know, she said, he just broke up with his girlfriend and I have always thought that a girl like you, so natural and nice, would be better for him..." lol...
then she was quick to assure, that it was just a joke and that i should not feel obliged to even write to her, as she shares my opinion on the issue of meeting people: the moment is what is important, not the superficial contact that often follows encounters like that.
But yet, if I should happen to be near Ludwigsburg I should not hesitat to stay at their house, with how many friends ever I would bring with me :)
Look, the point is, I feel incredibly blessed to having met two so gracious guardian-angels and I just want to let all of you know, that there are many Germans who are so much unlike the rather negative picture often drawn upon them....
I thank god for the occasion to acknowledge that and yeah, now I am back to Berlin... lucky me.... I still can;'t believe it really and am totally puzzled...
La vita es dolce~!
Friday, April 15, 2005
short story on how stupid woman are (at times, you know...)
how stupid can a woman be? well, you'll never really know until you actually ARE a woman. Ha! so here the privileged view of behind the curtain (mira said that would sound good!) from a woman who knows ;-)
72 hours in a womans life.
0-24 Woman made herself not call him. Usually she is not the kind of woman to follow any rules but sometimes even she does strange things because of all sorts of strange considerations that happen to capture her oh so sophisticated mind. look, he said, lets keep it special. yeah, sure. All she knows is, that she wants him and doesn't want to wait. Fuck impatience. Cool down, be cool. One of those rules says not to show them guys too much that you want them.
Admittedly stupid, but yeah, in the worst case you just take it like that in order to be on the safe side of the river.
24-48 Woman changed her mind and thought: Fuck safety! However, all female advisors around prevent her from a very serious transgression of the rule. Once she heard somebody saying, that the worst vice is advice.
Maybe we should think of that. She calls. The answering machine asks her politely to leave a message. She embarrasses herself. Hangs up the phone, throws herself on her bed, wining, wailing, screaming, hitting her head on the wall. Serena, who has entered the room, stands there, laughing at woman. Must have looked stupid. Breach of rule #1. Okay! She promises. She won't do it again.
Everyday routine. Trying not to think of him. Or of what she would do with him. Rule #2 Don't torture yourself: there is no guy outthere, who is worth it. Thats what they say. Very easy. damn difficult.
48-60 This guy does not call back. It drives her crazy. In the morning she is sure he just makes a fool out of her. Probably he sees when she is calling and just doesn't pick up the phone. Or maybe he is just busy. SUre he is! He said, he would call back, so why shouldn't he!
Womans had spinns around. Maybe he is just tired of her. Fed up. How could that be? Did she do something? Instead of analyzing the text in front of her woman starts analyzing once again the situation. Everything just seemed so nice, so fine, so cool, so relaxed. He asked her to call him whenever she felt like. Sure. What about this? She calls again. Heart beating. What would she say? Something very cool? Or hot? or... What? A lovely female voice asks her to leave a message...again...
Woman sighs. Okay, a last try. She says that she hates answering machines and won't talk to it again. Thats her last word.
Uh, she built her own trap! Now she has to wait. Fuck! All female advisors analyze the situation in cooperation with her. Strange. What could the reason be for a behaviour so strange?
60-72 Everyday routine? Yeah, passes by. Head is spinning. What the f***. Oh,
woman's got a new idea! He MUST have lost her number! Thats it! Why not! It would be a crazy explanation, but yeah, why not, actually! Thats a very plausible reason! He has lost her number! Damn! She dreams of him looking madly for her number, her address, hiring a private detective...
Woman asks her male friends for their opinions. What they would do in that kind of situation. A general perplexity prevails. One guy's got a marvellous idea: Go and spray your number on the house in front of his room! As some sort of last chance. Gosh, if she only knew where that damn house is. Somewhere, she recalls, in the midst of a field. But she will find it. Yeah, good idea actually. Thats something of her kind... Late at night she tries again. Secretely. Nobody will ever know, even she will push it away the next day. After four times ringing she hangs up. Heart beating. No! She said she wouldn't. She shouldn't. She looks at the text she is reading. She sees all the horror visions unified. Why should he want to call her at all. It's all fucked up anyways. forget about it! there are more mothers with beautiful and cool sons...
72. A message on HER answering machine. a fresh voice. his voice. he's been out of town. wants to talk to her. will call back later.
Woman jumps up, laughs at the blue sky, giggles and dances. He called! He called! Yeah! He did! Imagine, imagine! All female advisors nodd their heads contently, they all knew. Why worry so much, girl. We knew, we knew... For all woman can see the stupidity clearly from a close distance. And there is no stupidity more involved with thinking than the womans one.
72 hours in a womans life.
0-24 Woman made herself not call him. Usually she is not the kind of woman to follow any rules but sometimes even she does strange things because of all sorts of strange considerations that happen to capture her oh so sophisticated mind. look, he said, lets keep it special. yeah, sure. All she knows is, that she wants him and doesn't want to wait. Fuck impatience. Cool down, be cool. One of those rules says not to show them guys too much that you want them.
Admittedly stupid, but yeah, in the worst case you just take it like that in order to be on the safe side of the river.
24-48 Woman changed her mind and thought: Fuck safety! However, all female advisors around prevent her from a very serious transgression of the rule. Once she heard somebody saying, that the worst vice is advice.
Maybe we should think of that. She calls. The answering machine asks her politely to leave a message. She embarrasses herself. Hangs up the phone, throws herself on her bed, wining, wailing, screaming, hitting her head on the wall. Serena, who has entered the room, stands there, laughing at woman. Must have looked stupid. Breach of rule #1. Okay! She promises. She won't do it again.
Everyday routine. Trying not to think of him. Or of what she would do with him. Rule #2 Don't torture yourself: there is no guy outthere, who is worth it. Thats what they say. Very easy. damn difficult.
48-60 This guy does not call back. It drives her crazy. In the morning she is sure he just makes a fool out of her. Probably he sees when she is calling and just doesn't pick up the phone. Or maybe he is just busy. SUre he is! He said, he would call back, so why shouldn't he!
Womans had spinns around. Maybe he is just tired of her. Fed up. How could that be? Did she do something? Instead of analyzing the text in front of her woman starts analyzing once again the situation. Everything just seemed so nice, so fine, so cool, so relaxed. He asked her to call him whenever she felt like. Sure. What about this? She calls again. Heart beating. What would she say? Something very cool? Or hot? or... What? A lovely female voice asks her to leave a message...again...
Woman sighs. Okay, a last try. She says that she hates answering machines and won't talk to it again. Thats her last word.
Uh, she built her own trap! Now she has to wait. Fuck! All female advisors analyze the situation in cooperation with her. Strange. What could the reason be for a behaviour so strange?
60-72 Everyday routine? Yeah, passes by. Head is spinning. What the f***. Oh,
woman's got a new idea! He MUST have lost her number! Thats it! Why not! It would be a crazy explanation, but yeah, why not, actually! Thats a very plausible reason! He has lost her number! Damn! She dreams of him looking madly for her number, her address, hiring a private detective...
Woman asks her male friends for their opinions. What they would do in that kind of situation. A general perplexity prevails. One guy's got a marvellous idea: Go and spray your number on the house in front of his room! As some sort of last chance. Gosh, if she only knew where that damn house is. Somewhere, she recalls, in the midst of a field. But she will find it. Yeah, good idea actually. Thats something of her kind... Late at night she tries again. Secretely. Nobody will ever know, even she will push it away the next day. After four times ringing she hangs up. Heart beating. No! She said she wouldn't. She shouldn't. She looks at the text she is reading. She sees all the horror visions unified. Why should he want to call her at all. It's all fucked up anyways. forget about it! there are more mothers with beautiful and cool sons...
72. A message on HER answering machine. a fresh voice. his voice. he's been out of town. wants to talk to her. will call back later.
Woman jumps up, laughs at the blue sky, giggles and dances. He called! He called! Yeah! He did! Imagine, imagine! All female advisors nodd their heads contently, they all knew. Why worry so much, girl. We knew, we knew... For all woman can see the stupidity clearly from a close distance. And there is no stupidity more involved with thinking than the womans one.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Update
Hey you outhere in the cold....
Here the update of the crazy lovestory between Geraldine and Berlin!
Things constantly go up and down and I enjoy ! being a surfer on those waves of life...
Somehow I manage to keep my life always incredibly tense and stressy, but yeah, I can relax in the moment so thats okay, don't worry, I won't suffer a heart attack...not yet ;-)
For example, I attended the 3 weeks business seminar at my college, not realizing, that I wouldn't have holidays because of that. Thus I have finished the seminar last weekend, with a successful presentation of my project (a Talent Agency for young stupid idiots like me who have a talent but don't know how to get it out there!) just to jump into the last term of my Academiy Year at the European College of Liberal Arts this week....
I will have as an elective Directing and Dramaturgy with David Levine, an acclaimed New Yorker Director and Artist...I am very excited about that....it will be 100% stressy but worth the effort I guess. I already had him as my prof last term in "Installation Art" which was a very challenging and very very intense but wonderful class...
In our corecourse of intellectual history we will read Jane Austen, Kant, Dostojevski, Schopenhauer, Heidegger, Nieztsche....
...And the summer is coming in Berlin! The trees get greener every day...Sun warms the streets...The cafes revive...WOW! :)
I still play the guitar, and life provides me every now and then with emotional supplies which I can transform into my "temporary songs" which i always forget a few days afterwards....
But as life goes on my songs go on...
I am also practicing more and more piano and take singing lessons. Music, more and more evidently plays an inherent role in my life...Without arts and music and creative output in any form my life is non-existent...
People here are beautiful. Two relationships became much more meaningful and intense over the course of the last few weeks or months: Theresa (a girl with whom I went to school back in southern Germany for over 12 years) and I see each other very often and man, she is such a wonderful, beautiful young woman! Conversations with her have such a depth and she has so many incredible insights concerning education (she is currently doing an internship in a kindergarden) and life in general and she has a wonderful wonderful boyfriend. Happy for you! Oh yes, and she is a f****** great inspiration and aid when it comes down to art-projects!!! without her I just wouldn't have achieved the same in the Installation Arts class....
The other girl is Mira, the RA from our house. She is ukrainian and 23 and just one of the funniest persons ever! She is the one who can really bring me to outbursts of laughter, who shares with me all those stupid crazy boystories (well, we admit talking 80 % about boys! ;)) and who is just fun to go out with.... Surely, it wouldn't be me if there wasn't as well a deeper meaning behind our encounters and conversations...and there is some nice prospect for our future: she is apparently an expert of the carpat mountains where my Grandfather Yule Kilcher went to way back before he moved to Alaska. His idea of the autonom commune which he wanted to found in Homer, Alaska, was inspired by the Hutsuls, a people in the carpatian mountains... So, mabe my sister Juli's dream of going there and tracing back his path and inspiration, will eventually come true....and so, maybe Mira and I will be hiking together in the mountains...'d be so great!!!!!!
what else can I say about my life here. I feel a bit puzzled because I have the feeling I should organize things for next year but as a matter of fact I just have to make money and then see what happens. Internships would be great and I would have to apply now, but I decided not to, but to leave everything very open so I could react flexible to what life offers me on the road...
Oh, yes, maybe I start working here in the biggest entertainment and convention and hotel complex of Europe...I met the Managing Director of Estrel when I was hitchhiking back from Basel to Berlin... Pretty cool....
But I will have to see how much time I can afford....besides studying...
so..that s it for the moment....I will keep you updated ...
smiles :))
geraldine
Here the update of the crazy lovestory between Geraldine and Berlin!
Things constantly go up and down and I enjoy ! being a surfer on those waves of life...
Somehow I manage to keep my life always incredibly tense and stressy, but yeah, I can relax in the moment so thats okay, don't worry, I won't suffer a heart attack...not yet ;-)
For example, I attended the 3 weeks business seminar at my college, not realizing, that I wouldn't have holidays because of that. Thus I have finished the seminar last weekend, with a successful presentation of my project (a Talent Agency for young stupid idiots like me who have a talent but don't know how to get it out there!) just to jump into the last term of my Academiy Year at the European College of Liberal Arts this week....
I will have as an elective Directing and Dramaturgy with David Levine, an acclaimed New Yorker Director and Artist...I am very excited about that....it will be 100% stressy but worth the effort I guess. I already had him as my prof last term in "Installation Art" which was a very challenging and very very intense but wonderful class...
In our corecourse of intellectual history we will read Jane Austen, Kant, Dostojevski, Schopenhauer, Heidegger, Nieztsche....
...And the summer is coming in Berlin! The trees get greener every day...Sun warms the streets...The cafes revive...WOW! :)
I still play the guitar, and life provides me every now and then with emotional supplies which I can transform into my "temporary songs" which i always forget a few days afterwards....
But as life goes on my songs go on...
I am also practicing more and more piano and take singing lessons. Music, more and more evidently plays an inherent role in my life...Without arts and music and creative output in any form my life is non-existent...
People here are beautiful. Two relationships became much more meaningful and intense over the course of the last few weeks or months: Theresa (a girl with whom I went to school back in southern Germany for over 12 years) and I see each other very often and man, she is such a wonderful, beautiful young woman! Conversations with her have such a depth and she has so many incredible insights concerning education (she is currently doing an internship in a kindergarden) and life in general and she has a wonderful wonderful boyfriend. Happy for you! Oh yes, and she is a f****** great inspiration and aid when it comes down to art-projects!!! without her I just wouldn't have achieved the same in the Installation Arts class....
The other girl is Mira, the RA from our house. She is ukrainian and 23 and just one of the funniest persons ever! She is the one who can really bring me to outbursts of laughter, who shares with me all those stupid crazy boystories (well, we admit talking 80 % about boys! ;)) and who is just fun to go out with.... Surely, it wouldn't be me if there wasn't as well a deeper meaning behind our encounters and conversations...and there is some nice prospect for our future: she is apparently an expert of the carpat mountains where my Grandfather Yule Kilcher went to way back before he moved to Alaska. His idea of the autonom commune which he wanted to found in Homer, Alaska, was inspired by the Hutsuls, a people in the carpatian mountains... So, mabe my sister Juli's dream of going there and tracing back his path and inspiration, will eventually come true....and so, maybe Mira and I will be hiking together in the mountains...'d be so great!!!!!!
what else can I say about my life here. I feel a bit puzzled because I have the feeling I should organize things for next year but as a matter of fact I just have to make money and then see what happens. Internships would be great and I would have to apply now, but I decided not to, but to leave everything very open so I could react flexible to what life offers me on the road...
Oh, yes, maybe I start working here in the biggest entertainment and convention and hotel complex of Europe...I met the Managing Director of Estrel when I was hitchhiking back from Basel to Berlin... Pretty cool....
But I will have to see how much time I can afford....besides studying...
so..that s it for the moment....I will keep you updated ...
smiles :))
geraldine
Sunday, April 10, 2005
10 things i love
1. waking up by myself, EARLY in the morning, with a smile on my face
2. singing in the rain (I know THAT sounds kitschy, but it's a matter of fact) (and dancing on the street)
3. getting a flash after 50 min. jogging
4. drums, rythm, live music
5. dancing until i get into a trance
6. playing flute (who would have thought that!) and sure, guitar and piano too
7. the magnificient "coincidences" in my life!
8. talking to bums
9. kissing, ....
10. greek salad and pizza
uhhh and talking to my friends!!!I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!
2. singing in the rain (I know THAT sounds kitschy, but it's a matter of fact) (and dancing on the street)
3. getting a flash after 50 min. jogging
4. drums, rythm, live music
5. dancing until i get into a trance
6. playing flute (who would have thought that!) and sure, guitar and piano too
7. the magnificient "coincidences" in my life!
8. talking to bums
9. kissing, ....
10. greek salad and pizza
uhhh and talking to my friends!!!I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, April 09, 2005
10 things i hate
1. to wait for a phone call
2. the woman inside myself. she is so fucking impatient and thinks way too much
3. that i fall asleep while reading philosophy
4. to sleep longer than 9 AM
5. to talk to an answering machine. i f****** hate it!
6. to get hungerattacks late at night and find nothing in the fridge
7. to be obliged to listen to philosophic debates by raphael and lucian at breakfast
8. when the batteries of my mp3/cd player run out while i am in the midst of nowhere (jogging)
9. that i check my mails xxx times a day
10. waiting for phone calls and that love in any form always becomes somewhat complicated
2. the woman inside myself. she is so fucking impatient and thinks way too much
3. that i fall asleep while reading philosophy
4. to sleep longer than 9 AM
5. to talk to an answering machine. i f****** hate it!
6. to get hungerattacks late at night and find nothing in the fridge
7. to be obliged to listen to philosophic debates by raphael and lucian at breakfast
8. when the batteries of my mp3/cd player run out while i am in the midst of nowhere (jogging)
9. that i check my mails xxx times a day
10. waiting for phone calls and that love in any form always becomes somewhat complicated
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
surprise
runday-monday-....
I ust participated at the NIKE rundaymonday thing in Berlin...running through the "inner-city" (is there such a thing as an inner city in berlin???) with anybody who feels like..making new friends on the way, and blablabla.testing nike running shoes ;).
well i went there and spontaneously decided to really participate...it was great fun. made me run fast and long...better than I do when I do it on my own...
and I met this guy... Adrian. Really funny dude, with a hat and backpack and no sports outfit whatsoever...running like hell. In the end we started talking a bit and decided to go for a drink with his friend afterwards. man, this was such a funny evening. they really made me laugh a lot. and I just realized then, that it doesn't happen that often to me. strange, ain't it. I guess just everybody must have the impression that I laugh a lot and often, but actually, once that somebody makes ma laugh like THAT I realize that I don't do it often. hum.
Mira, my friend (it's a friendship merely based on necessity, as Aristotle would put it) from the college, does the same to me. this kind of laughing is really a unworried, loose, free kind of laughing, just bursting out somehow without any control.
yeah. whatever!
so we had fun, they invited me (hey, it's still so cool to be a girl!) for a drink and we had a really good conversation. Adrian's friend tried to flirt with me but I wasn't in the mood for that. However, Adrian and I found out, later, that we both have been to a Waldorf School which made us really laugh. Haha, thats why! There is just something in common you can feel with people....some sort of common knowledge about things other people will never understand.
Well, maybe I see them next runmonday again. who knows. Adrian would be really worth it to get to know better. interesting life, personality....
I am so thankful and happy, that I meet these interesting people in my life!!!!
now i go to bed, with a smile on my face....
geraldine
I ust participated at the NIKE rundaymonday thing in Berlin...running through the "inner-city" (is there such a thing as an inner city in berlin???) with anybody who feels like..making new friends on the way, and blablabla.testing nike running shoes ;).
well i went there and spontaneously decided to really participate...it was great fun. made me run fast and long...better than I do when I do it on my own...
and I met this guy... Adrian. Really funny dude, with a hat and backpack and no sports outfit whatsoever...running like hell. In the end we started talking a bit and decided to go for a drink with his friend afterwards. man, this was such a funny evening. they really made me laugh a lot. and I just realized then, that it doesn't happen that often to me. strange, ain't it. I guess just everybody must have the impression that I laugh a lot and often, but actually, once that somebody makes ma laugh like THAT I realize that I don't do it often. hum.
Mira, my friend (it's a friendship merely based on necessity, as Aristotle would put it) from the college, does the same to me. this kind of laughing is really a unworried, loose, free kind of laughing, just bursting out somehow without any control.
yeah. whatever!
so we had fun, they invited me (hey, it's still so cool to be a girl!) for a drink and we had a really good conversation. Adrian's friend tried to flirt with me but I wasn't in the mood for that. However, Adrian and I found out, later, that we both have been to a Waldorf School which made us really laugh. Haha, thats why! There is just something in common you can feel with people....some sort of common knowledge about things other people will never understand.
Well, maybe I see them next runmonday again. who knows. Adrian would be really worth it to get to know better. interesting life, personality....
I am so thankful and happy, that I meet these interesting people in my life!!!!
now i go to bed, with a smile on my face....
geraldine
Monday, April 04, 2005
mondays....
are the days after weekends....
my weekend has been great. but why, for gods sake, are mondays so f****** difficult to deal with? the sun is shining outside. i have to sit in the lecture hall and try hard not to fall asleep. i haven't had a real holidayS in 2 years now. well i had, but not real onew...somehow i manage to keep my life always as stressful as possible. jesus. the pope died. you know...and everybody is talking about it. maybe its a good thing. but i am talking rather nonsense now. not because i am bored but because i feel uneasy. i was talking to a very good friend of mine who generously helped me yesterday so much and i was so unfriendly and shortcutting on the phone...
why is that? geraldine is in control of herself? yeah....dude....
i wanna go out and run over empty fields and i want to play guitar in bars and at campfires and i want to swim in rivers and lakes and jump over fires and lie naked in the sun...
now my friends are listing to coldplay. that really doesn't alleviates my mood. makes me being even more melancholic. why don't things work out as we want to...why so complicated.
i just want to relax now. it s such a pity that i couldn't take the love when it was there. you may wonder now what thats all about. oh you will guess i guess.
i think i better stop now before writing even more bullshit. whats actually going on out there?
is there anybody out there????
geraldine
my weekend has been great. but why, for gods sake, are mondays so f****** difficult to deal with? the sun is shining outside. i have to sit in the lecture hall and try hard not to fall asleep. i haven't had a real holidayS in 2 years now. well i had, but not real onew...somehow i manage to keep my life always as stressful as possible. jesus. the pope died. you know...and everybody is talking about it. maybe its a good thing. but i am talking rather nonsense now. not because i am bored but because i feel uneasy. i was talking to a very good friend of mine who generously helped me yesterday so much and i was so unfriendly and shortcutting on the phone...
why is that? geraldine is in control of herself? yeah....dude....
i wanna go out and run over empty fields and i want to play guitar in bars and at campfires and i want to swim in rivers and lakes and jump over fires and lie naked in the sun...
now my friends are listing to coldplay. that really doesn't alleviates my mood. makes me being even more melancholic. why don't things work out as we want to...why so complicated.
i just want to relax now. it s such a pity that i couldn't take the love when it was there. you may wonder now what thats all about. oh you will guess i guess.
i think i better stop now before writing even more bullshit. whats actually going on out there?
is there anybody out there????
geraldine
Friday, April 01, 2005
7 AM
soon..7 AM...another night in front of the computer. it's so silly. listening to Depeche Mode. silly, too. outside blackbirds are singing, it gets light and pink pink is the horizon, the air so chilly.
oh brother where are thou...
OH! Boby has her drivers licence exam today!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!
oh brother where are thou...
OH! Boby has her drivers licence exam today!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!
First Story. the polish guy (extra strong!) L.A. Williams, Jan and Sascha...
The polish guy gave me an extrastrong condome and said: screw this guy! screw this guy!
Mira and I looked at each other and laughed. We had come all the long way to Ostbahnhof and Mariaclub just to see that L.A. hadn't had put me ont the guestlist as he had promised me to do. On our way back (there was no ways we would have payed to get into that club) we met this polish guy. He was studying sth in England near Yorkshire and was actually mainly working there, "gooood money!" as a JET-SKI instructor :-O...He listened to my story and that was his advice: This guy is crap! Go, go and screw him up!!! His grin hang loose on his face and he was really funny.
In the very same moment my handy vibrated. Sms from L.A. "you are on there as Ms Geraldine, please double check!"
Mira and I, sure, went back, straight away... And yes, Ms Geraldine! What kind of a joke is that? but anyways. we got in!
L.A. came quite late though but we had our fun.
Mariaclub is quite big...there was a strange punk band live and some straight techno which I didn't like too much. At some point I had the feeling I have to go outside.
I went there, had a pie behind a tree. (*) looked into the Spree, heard the blackbirds and was wondering about how came that I was in such a club whith music that I despised when I was younger...
Suddenly I saw a person coming down the little hill, looking for bottles. I felt in my hand some money and thought, oh man, I really would like to give that money to him.
But imagine! I really thought about whether I should give 2 euros or better only 50 cents...what kind of a difference would that do? The 2 euros fell into the spree and that made me go.
I walked up to him and said, here, I found that I suppose thats for you. He said thanks and we talked a little bit about bottles and return fees and stuff.
Suddenly I had to ask him what his name was.
And, believe me, it was such an impressive situation. As soon as I had asked it was as if he actually really appeared in front of me. He turned around, straightened his back, took the hat off and said:
"I am JAN, I am from Poland". His wife, as it turned out, lived separated from him but they had two sons in my age. He had been a sprinter and athletic when he was younger. He said "but now I am out". I asked what that meant and he said, "well, I sleep outside..." But then he was quick to say that it wasn't that bad and that he had friends who would help him in a case of emergency and that there was enough food. The only thing was that he drank too much. But hey, no matter where we are, out, in, right, left, up, down...we are all human beings, right!? I smiled at him and asked whether he wanted a cigarette. However, that was already too much. He felt indignified and rejected. When I told him, however, that my aunt had been "out" as well, for a while, he changed his attitude completely and it felt more like "Oh, if this is the case we can talk. Yeah, than give me a cigarette!"
He had to leave but before he went he turned around once more and said:
"Geraldine! take care! take care! don't go straight away into the bed! You are the best, do you hear me? You are the best, you are the princess! You are so beautiful, take care, don't go straight away into the bed!"
Well, ain't that kind of a weird and beautiful message at 5 o'clock in the morning???I asked him whether I could give him the rest of my money (about 4 euros) as I had been invited to the club and wouldn't have had the money otherwise anyways...He accepted and when he saw it was 4 euros his face lit up and he shouted: "Oh, I will buy myself cigarettes with that!" and believe me, I have never been happier to help somebody buying CIGARETTES than I was in that moment. My god, so be it!
Max, you were right! It's not so much about what it is, but more that it makes your day. Sure, if Heroine makes your day you have a serious problem...but then again, this is all part of human history I guess....
Whatever! I went back and felt the extrastrong condome in my pocket and smiled...haha, no, I wouldn't need it. But it was a funny story.
A little later L.A. pulled off his show. And MAN! I have never ever seen nor heared a better house show. Jesus!!!!it was sooooo incredibly cool, that I, although I had fasted for 3 days, had my period and was tired at 6 o;clock in the morning...-, just bounced off like crazy!!! And I LOVE L.A.'s HANDS!!!! wow, what powerful, magical energy emanated from him. He was a true godlike DJ so to say. I don't exxagerate, it was insane...
And thats how I met Sascha. He was a 'lunatic' dancer, too. We had quite some laughs. At some point he came and dressed me in a huge white shirt! Maybe my wonderbra was too confusing for him *ggg*... (by the way, this story is just part of a whole bunch of crazy incidents that happened in connection with that roman wonder-bra!!!)
In the morning, at 8, as we left, Sascha and I decided we should have breakfast together. It didn't take much to convince Mira, we just had to drag her away from her spanish conquerers... ;-)
Sascha took a taxi, we hopped in, too, and at Rosenthaler Platz we sat outside a turkish imbiss, waiting for the sun to rise over the house-canyons and he invited us for a morning coffee, respectively juice, remember, I still fasted and didn't eat.
Oh dude, and we had so much fun with him! And mira is just so insanely funny, its unbearable...I laughed so much...we finally wound up in the middle of the way, taking a sunbath on the street n cold spring berlin and eventually we took a lot of fotos with strangers on the chairs with my mobile....
This was a true union of lunatics! He went off to show us his "kiez", an oil-painter in a park who advice me on how to use oil painting properly (as Mr Mally failed to do that back in school!), many kids, and finally a wonderful little cafe, die schwarze pumpe near Zionskirche, where we had another drink and a wonderful soup, an encounter of the funny sort with some english people...
Finally we had to say good bye. we made it clap, clap clap, clap clap, clap clap! a last time, looked all together a last time at the sun and hugged and then left.
Mira and I were so wasted and puzzled about all these little beautiful crazy incidents....we actually developed a score of "rules" or "advices" on how to live a successful lunatic-life...I think I will post them later here....
Hey, that was my story! It was long, I know, and so was the night :)
lots of smileys and love from
sunny-cold Berlin and geraldine
Mira and I looked at each other and laughed. We had come all the long way to Ostbahnhof and Mariaclub just to see that L.A. hadn't had put me ont the guestlist as he had promised me to do. On our way back (there was no ways we would have payed to get into that club) we met this polish guy. He was studying sth in England near Yorkshire and was actually mainly working there, "gooood money!" as a JET-SKI instructor :-O...He listened to my story and that was his advice: This guy is crap! Go, go and screw him up!!! His grin hang loose on his face and he was really funny.
In the very same moment my handy vibrated. Sms from L.A. "you are on there as Ms Geraldine, please double check!"
Mira and I, sure, went back, straight away... And yes, Ms Geraldine! What kind of a joke is that? but anyways. we got in!
L.A. came quite late though but we had our fun.
Mariaclub is quite big...there was a strange punk band live and some straight techno which I didn't like too much. At some point I had the feeling I have to go outside.
I went there, had a pie behind a tree. (*) looked into the Spree, heard the blackbirds and was wondering about how came that I was in such a club whith music that I despised when I was younger...
Suddenly I saw a person coming down the little hill, looking for bottles. I felt in my hand some money and thought, oh man, I really would like to give that money to him.
But imagine! I really thought about whether I should give 2 euros or better only 50 cents...what kind of a difference would that do? The 2 euros fell into the spree and that made me go.
I walked up to him and said, here, I found that I suppose thats for you. He said thanks and we talked a little bit about bottles and return fees and stuff.
Suddenly I had to ask him what his name was.
And, believe me, it was such an impressive situation. As soon as I had asked it was as if he actually really appeared in front of me. He turned around, straightened his back, took the hat off and said:
"I am JAN, I am from Poland". His wife, as it turned out, lived separated from him but they had two sons in my age. He had been a sprinter and athletic when he was younger. He said "but now I am out". I asked what that meant and he said, "well, I sleep outside..." But then he was quick to say that it wasn't that bad and that he had friends who would help him in a case of emergency and that there was enough food. The only thing was that he drank too much. But hey, no matter where we are, out, in, right, left, up, down...we are all human beings, right!? I smiled at him and asked whether he wanted a cigarette. However, that was already too much. He felt indignified and rejected. When I told him, however, that my aunt had been "out" as well, for a while, he changed his attitude completely and it felt more like "Oh, if this is the case we can talk. Yeah, than give me a cigarette!"
He had to leave but before he went he turned around once more and said:
"Geraldine! take care! take care! don't go straight away into the bed! You are the best, do you hear me? You are the best, you are the princess! You are so beautiful, take care, don't go straight away into the bed!"
Well, ain't that kind of a weird and beautiful message at 5 o'clock in the morning???I asked him whether I could give him the rest of my money (about 4 euros) as I had been invited to the club and wouldn't have had the money otherwise anyways...He accepted and when he saw it was 4 euros his face lit up and he shouted: "Oh, I will buy myself cigarettes with that!" and believe me, I have never been happier to help somebody buying CIGARETTES than I was in that moment. My god, so be it!
Max, you were right! It's not so much about what it is, but more that it makes your day. Sure, if Heroine makes your day you have a serious problem...but then again, this is all part of human history I guess....
Whatever! I went back and felt the extrastrong condome in my pocket and smiled...haha, no, I wouldn't need it. But it was a funny story.
A little later L.A. pulled off his show. And MAN! I have never ever seen nor heared a better house show. Jesus!!!!it was sooooo incredibly cool, that I, although I had fasted for 3 days, had my period and was tired at 6 o;clock in the morning...-, just bounced off like crazy!!! And I LOVE L.A.'s HANDS!!!! wow, what powerful, magical energy emanated from him. He was a true godlike DJ so to say. I don't exxagerate, it was insane...
And thats how I met Sascha. He was a 'lunatic' dancer, too. We had quite some laughs. At some point he came and dressed me in a huge white shirt! Maybe my wonderbra was too confusing for him *ggg*... (by the way, this story is just part of a whole bunch of crazy incidents that happened in connection with that roman wonder-bra!!!)
In the morning, at 8, as we left, Sascha and I decided we should have breakfast together. It didn't take much to convince Mira, we just had to drag her away from her spanish conquerers... ;-)
Sascha took a taxi, we hopped in, too, and at Rosenthaler Platz we sat outside a turkish imbiss, waiting for the sun to rise over the house-canyons and he invited us for a morning coffee, respectively juice, remember, I still fasted and didn't eat.
Oh dude, and we had so much fun with him! And mira is just so insanely funny, its unbearable...I laughed so much...we finally wound up in the middle of the way, taking a sunbath on the street n cold spring berlin and eventually we took a lot of fotos with strangers on the chairs with my mobile....
This was a true union of lunatics! He went off to show us his "kiez", an oil-painter in a park who advice me on how to use oil painting properly (as Mr Mally failed to do that back in school!), many kids, and finally a wonderful little cafe, die schwarze pumpe near Zionskirche, where we had another drink and a wonderful soup, an encounter of the funny sort with some english people...
Finally we had to say good bye. we made it clap, clap clap, clap clap, clap clap! a last time, looked all together a last time at the sun and hugged and then left.
Mira and I were so wasted and puzzled about all these little beautiful crazy incidents....we actually developed a score of "rules" or "advices" on how to live a successful lunatic-life...I think I will post them later here....
Hey, that was my story! It was long, I know, and so was the night :)
lots of smileys and love from
sunny-cold Berlin and geraldine
firrst blog ever!
Okay so this is going to be my first post. ;-)
I've always so much got to tell and now I don't know what to say. Let me think. Ah, exactly. Why I, for heavens sake have a blog now? Well, because you all hate mass mails, and I don't have to bother anyone anymore with them, because those who are interested in what is going on in my life will find out on their own by coming to this blog and yeah, I guess it is fun as long as I don't have my own website.
Actually I should be doing my financial projections for the Talent Agency I have in mind for young stupid idiots like me who have a talent and waste it. I am attending this 2 week business seminar at my college (www.ecla.de) and it's great fun. For some reason I DO like economics! Who would have expected that! I was the least to....
Anyways, I listen to chill out music and enjoy not to worry about the profit and loss statement. I am really more the promotion and human resources and think-tank type than an accountant.
Besides all that I am doing well, I love being back to Berlin, although I more than loved it in Italy...(we were there with the college for one week) I stayed in Firenze with a gorgeous and wonderful girl from the hospitalityclub (www.hospitalityclub.org) and had a great time in Roma, city of love....
More about all that later...
Here in Berlin I am quite busy to organize my life. I've got to plan for next year travelings and money and my current studying. I am not only studying philosophy, literature and arts but also the mysterious other sex. And then, Berlin is the city of electronic music and I fell in love with it, too!
well anyways... I think I better go now and do some accounting....
smiles from Berlin
I've always so much got to tell and now I don't know what to say. Let me think. Ah, exactly. Why I, for heavens sake have a blog now? Well, because you all hate mass mails, and I don't have to bother anyone anymore with them, because those who are interested in what is going on in my life will find out on their own by coming to this blog and yeah, I guess it is fun as long as I don't have my own website.
Actually I should be doing my financial projections for the Talent Agency I have in mind for young stupid idiots like me who have a talent and waste it. I am attending this 2 week business seminar at my college (www.ecla.de) and it's great fun. For some reason I DO like economics! Who would have expected that! I was the least to....
Anyways, I listen to chill out music and enjoy not to worry about the profit and loss statement. I am really more the promotion and human resources and think-tank type than an accountant.
Besides all that I am doing well, I love being back to Berlin, although I more than loved it in Italy...(we were there with the college for one week) I stayed in Firenze with a gorgeous and wonderful girl from the hospitalityclub (www.hospitalityclub.org) and had a great time in Roma, city of love....
More about all that later...
Here in Berlin I am quite busy to organize my life. I've got to plan for next year travelings and money and my current studying. I am not only studying philosophy, literature and arts but also the mysterious other sex. And then, Berlin is the city of electronic music and I fell in love with it, too!
well anyways... I think I better go now and do some accounting....
smiles from Berlin
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