getting it slowly. getting LA

Although I still have to see much more of the United States in order to dare to actually say anything close to valid about it I get this feeling of slowly 'getting' LA. Meaning, I start to get the idea, I start to get why people would choose to live here over San Franciscowith such a nice and just so much more accessible escape like
LA is maybe in a way the most distorted and yet most pinpointing caricature of Western Society as projected in the world wide propagation and spreading of popular culture, entertainment 'post modern culture' , attitude and media.
It is the farthest off the modern European take on society and yet its youngest offspring and in turn, ironically enough, its most prominent, positively or negatively, influence.
LA is a gold mine, a modern version of the greedy, crazy, maniac Gold diggers of the old days, ruthlessly digging holes into holy mountains and the like, yes yes, everybody lives here with a dream, almost doggedly and grimly defending the idea of the American Dream at its outermost frontier. (well, lets not count the space for once, the NASA and their waste of money infuriates me and the justification of many NASA directed operations escapes my comprehension).
LA is where you get the crazy jobs, where people are crazy, where people are daring, living at the verge of schizophrenia, often represented in a crazy lifestyle, anything you can think of you will find here in its extremes.
My sister's lifestyle being the best example for that, the rags to riches story right there, in the middle of the dirty carpet where she and I sat many a night, sewing salvation army dresses into Oscar night wear for the red carpet appearences of my niece, giving her all the credit for having designed and created the dresses...Sometimes we also would change a 700$ piece into her own creation but that would be the exception from the rule.
After a year living here I start getting the allure of the car culture, the insane love of the Angelenos for their cars, I start liking the residential bums in Hollywood (yes, I do realize when there is a new bum on the plane!), the residential crazy people (once I have my camera going I would love to post some pictures!) and the miriads of actors and musicians and wannabe artists who try to make a fortune off the walk of fame. I don't know yet where I will go in my life, who I will become, but it is damn sure, that this experience is, after all, extremely important for me and this foreboding sense that I had back in Europe, that this experience would help me to understand and discover my 'American' roots which I always felt to be there, seems to be right in the end...

The thing is, my family is actually quite an interesting clash of those two 'Western' worlds, not amiss the compelling influence of both, Native American (and hence anything 'native' or 'tribe' related) and Hippy legacy. My mother coming from the wilderness and pioneer life in Alaska, with idealistic parents that escaped the dooming Second World War from Switzerland, living their own dream, subsequently the American Dream, bringing the native influence into our family by raising us close to nature and relating native lifestyle to our upbringing. My father coming from a Nazi background, a cultural rich Germany, bringing the controversy and difficulty and the predicament of the second generation and the Hippy legacy to the table, raking and stoking our interest in education, counter culture and reason.
He embraced the American musical culture while my Mom completely missed out on all the popular movements (she missed the beatniks, the hippies and of course the punks), pursuing her dream of creating a perfect little kindergarten, which she did and I am very proud of her achievements, as I am of my father's. He brought European culture and the importance of having roots (having lost his own) to our minds. He travelled the world with us, both intellectually, culturally and physically.

So here I am now, in the middle of Hollywood in this wonderful second hand bookstore on Franklin and Bronson and start forageing for philosophy books, books on war and art and religion. Walking the streets with the sudden realisation that I have to look past the present time and popular culture to understand the sense of life that people have here, to understand this part of America, to understand this caricature more accurately and to see where I find myself in it and where I want to go with what I know.

I heard there is a recylcing movement in Hollywood. :))

new pictures at least :)

well limbo sucks like always. I am working on getting work, still, and life turns on and on... Surviving PMS, being with my sister and her lovely crazy family. We had a lot to laugh. When you just laugh about the bad you just have a good time, you know...Some things that happen are so doomingly funny, so predictable and so hilariously 'us', characteristic for our family, that it cracks me up. Here some experiments from me and my lovely fourteen year old nephew who is getting into puperty BIG time. means: a lot of fun!

update from the frontier

It feels good to get stuff going.
Received my first paycheck, glorious day. Good feeling. Established an actual account after one year hiding money under metaphorical mattresses...the crazy days of walking around with hundreds of dollars in my belly wallet are over.
Have another job interview tomorrow, and, finally, after driving in California for a year with a lost German drivers license I finally made my Californian Drivers license. Past the test without problems and am the proud owner of a proper ID. yeah.
other than that I am still busy transforming like you guys out there too, reading (philosophy, literature and international relations related stuff), playing music, getting my pois soon...
Hope to buy a new charger soon for my Camera and you will get to see more pics. my sister indicated that her newly established film production company might need a secretary but this time around I am more cautious with promising things I might not be able to keep.
Anyways, the most important life lesson this time again is to spare the words where and whenever i can and give the power back to the word: mean it, keep it, don't waste it.
in this spirit I wave good bye and come back with other thoughts on other issues the next time around....

Oh, and soon you can see pics of my first off-school performance!

IT WAS AMAZING and a lot of fun. I felt the music flowing through all of us and we received many compliments that felt right and deserved. It was my graduation and it made me feel like I didn't waste time nor money here after all. Not really :)

so it will be one year

that I've been here.
one year.
creee-zy.

and Klodi will be coming back, tonight. And Amanda, to assure that everything is different.
I met Klodi at school, two weeks from now. The first day at school she came to the alley with Franco and I was about to leave but stayed with them because they seemed lively and interesting. Italy and Albania. And that very night she and I went over to Franco's where all the Italians met and drank espresso and stuff. My first night in Hollywood. There was a concert at MI and I slept at the Italian's house. Klodi and I became friends right there and then and we started a little family. We never hung out that much after all, due to me living in Santa Monica and still trying to juggle between trying to homeschool and be in school myself.
And then, one month after approximately, I met Dany. There were a lot of guys that were interested in me and I was open and curious. My 'wife' as I jokingly started calling Klodi knows it all. And she adopted Dany as her 'brother' (which now will be a problem for me but oh well) and always told me not to hurt him because he was sth special. Indeed he was.
I catch myself sometimes thinking about situations and how I should have mastered them differently. Less expecting, more acting. Well, oh well. It' s all over now baby blue.
Now I go and make myself a bank account and do my laundry and clean the house. You gotta grow up at some point.
Let's play later

me

I'm still the same crazy goofy me. The 'Gege' y'all know.

But listening to Alicia Key's "karma" just beamed me right back to Berliner days. and nights for that matter. subways. trams. busses, bikes, me running. in the same old worn out shoes. matter of factly i put black dock tabe around my left shoe. my left leg is a little longer so my left shoe gets worn out more quickly, yeah.
one of my teachers thought it's because of me tapping my foot so well when playing, lol, haha, I bet I do. *loses rhythm and tries to jump back on track*
well, i got distracted, lets get back to ME ME ME ME ME ME.
lol
oh whatever. I just wanted to say, that I FEEL FREAKING DIFFERENT. I bet you all do. This is a different Geraldine. This is not the same one you knew. Berlin saw a different me. It was intense too. I remember now. And exciting. And heart breaking. And...you know? It was another life. I am here now and I have all those songs to remind me of all those 'me's' I have once known.

I wonder whether you'd think I changed. Because they know me here as extremely goofy and gone berserk. You know, nuts. I have the feeling this never changed, throughout my short life's history. Isn't that how it always was? And yet, I feel so DIFFERENT.

It's not the same me anymore.

Life Changing, indeed. Reeve Carney and the Revolving Band

I don't know yet HOW but it WAS DEFINITELY a life changing evening.
OH MY GOD. Thank you for blessing these musicians. These people. It is mind blowing. It reconciliates me with being here. I was sitting there, jaw dropped and heart wide opened, thinking: Jesus, I am PART of this. I am here, and they are alive. It's not like I have to think, too bad I wasn't born in the 60's.
People who know me know that I don't get start struck easily (unless I accidentally flirt wiht MOS DEF and find out about it later, lol). I am love struck now. I am amazed. I can't describe it. I feel like X-mas. Every inch of these musicians was LOVE for, to, through the music. It was amazing. Almost every song somehow honoring and praising God. The whole attitude totally humble and serving this bigger thing, you know? Not pretentious at all. Just joyfully praising. Contemplating. Celebrating. Anyone, please check http://www.myspace.com/reevecarney out.
This is the first time in my life that I actually think that I am lucky to be in LA and in this time.
His brother is an amaaaaazing guitar player, his sister is the sweetest back up singer, and he made her sing a couple of jazz songs which she beautifully presented... Reeve's voice kind of reminds of Jeff Buckley sometimes and he plays blues liek... I don't know. He actually understands it.
This is a living band. Reeve Carney and the Revolving Band.
My German Student Theresa took me there and she is friends with them *lucky me!* and got me in for free and man... I don't know. what to say else. Just go and listen. Seriously. Keep your eyes open for them. They are in my humble opinion the future of Rock. The hope. That our generation is not completely brainlessly and heartlessly lost.

stupid people make me angry

In closing, Cheney said of the war in Iraq: "If we had to do [it] over again, we would do exactly the same thing." He also defended the success of the "war on terror," saying: "There has not been another attack on the US. That is not an accident."

It is not an accident, maybe. This whole war on terror and 9/11 story is so overwhelmingly exhausting that it makes me wanna scream and run away. How in the world could this happen? How can be such shrewd, cunning and insidious people be in charge? Oh, well, BECAUSE they are shrewd. While others genuinly work their asses off in their offices, trying to do something real good, saving people's lives etc.
The disproportion between their positions and their responsibilities and their decisions makes me throw up. Stupid people make me angry.

I will sit down and drink a cup of tea and think about it all in silence and then I will return to this post and try to write something that might make more sense than this emotional outburst of anger. I just read this article on the Senate paper on investigations in the links between Iraq and the al Qaida BEFORE the war (because now, there certainly is a connection) and this above quote is taken from there.
Cheney, you sure would do the exactly same thing all over again. I hope, however, that you will sit next time at the other side of the line.

They are everywhere...

I grow to belief, that in any city, in any part of this world, there is always at least one person that carries the light. I am positive, that we all have a spark of light in us, but there are everywhere, where I have been so far someone, who doesn't only have this spark, but actually managed to take care of it so it could grown and shine for us in the dark, so to say.
I don't even know his name, it could be anything, I forgot it again and again but his eyes are clear like a child's eyes and his words are living, they are messengers of hope, of love, of life, of God. Whenever I talk to him I walk away inspired. Everytime. His way of looking into things, of trying to acquire knowledge, than try to understand and then ask for wisdom, as it says in the proverbs, is full of love and care and it reminds me of my parents, my wonderful parents.
He is the living example of practice what you preach and of course i don't know him enough to not be able to say that, because I might discover discrepancies and what not, because he is not an angel. But is that important? No. What counts is, that he inspires me. He makes me awake. And curious. I want to read the bible, because of him. Because the way he talks about it is alive, it makes sense in a non-intellectual AND an intellectual way. He is like my dad. He is inspiring, quite simply.
All this denominational stuff, all those born again Christians, those that hand out flyers, etc, as good as their intentions are, I can't buy into them. It creeps me out, to be quite honest. When somebody pushes you towards something he will push you away. That happened a little bit to me with you, too, but it's not like you tried to push me, it's just that it pushed you away that I wasn't on the same page but I don't even think thats true. It's something too personal. Inspiring conversations refuel my spirit, my love, my faith. Tiring, restricting conversations don't do it for me.
As he explained to me it does make sense that there are evangelists, who go from town to town and preach in a way that addresses the sinners. Telling us how we are sinners and lalallalala. It's not for everyone, but some people are so deep down in the shit, that only something like this will awaken the spirit to come forth. That makes sense to me. See, I am not there. I don't need that. I need the inspiring part of it.
Anyways, it s all so uncomplete, what I write here. It can't capture what I just experienced.
And Ms. Davis sat there, with her beautiful smile. She doesn't exert the spirit of accusation or blame or anything at all, although she can't move her arms at all, sits in a wheelchair all day long and lives on the street. She just smiles. Wonderful. I gave her a head scrub and tomorrow I will take her to the hair salon. She needs it more than I do. And see, when my spirit is uplifted like that, it makes me wanna overflow like that. When I am down, I still try to smile, but I would maybe have rushed by and just give her a couple of dollars. But when you are inspired and iinflamed like I was tonight, it makes you wanna give. A lot. If you know what I mean...

thank you for this wise person. Everywhere. Walking the streets, unspectacular but wide awake for children like me who come with an inquisitive and seeking mind.

Thank you God for this wonderful encounter. those clear eyes. This inspiration. And I have a way to go.

Hollywood Hollywood

"Do you like living in Hollywood?" she asked with a sceptical expression in her face. We were skating into the sky, down in Venice and the moon was high, the ocean, we approached it on winged feet, and the waves crushed silver into the soft sand.
"Not really..."
"I couldn't do that. The air... I mean, it's so much fresher out here, isn't it"
I smiled. What are you trying to say? That I am stupid?
Looking out of my window I smile again. Actually I have grown to like it. The weird job opportunities you have here. Like teaching a young actress of a TV series to fake guitar and get a bunch of money out of it. For sitting around doing nothing. Or the smoggy-beautyful sunsets from Runyon canyon. Or the weirdos. Funny how you can like the most improbable things in life. Like dirty side streets that remind me of dirty Russia. Matter of factly, the proclaimed center of the entertainment industry reminds me more of second-world Russia than anything else. Is this, where the 'it'-ideas, the interface of modernity is supposed to have it's birthplace?
Please! This is the perfect mirror of our uprooted society and nothing else.
Welcome in Hollywood. You are in the United States of America. No, not Russia.
this is Hollywood!

morning excercise

It is early morning and I wake up by myself. This is the advantage of going to be early, I love to wake up without an alarm clock. So I do my morningly yoga sungreeting, stretch, get back into my body and turn on my computer, check my mails, wander into the bathroom, throw water in my face and brush my teeth. I am listening to 'Man in the long black coat' by Bob Dylan, and some of his new songs. ORange juice mixed with water gives me morning freshness and I sit down and wonder what this day will be about. A phone call to Germany, just because I can and my bigger sister is on the phone. I feel like x-mas for some reason and sit down on the bed, with the blanket around me like a tunika and say hey sun i love you.
There is a squirrel outside and I feel excited. What this day will bring? Lets see. ... I have to practice a bunch of stuff for my final exam on the guitar, I have to create a profile for me as a super nanny, I have to create a bank account, I have to get my Ah, by the way, the new plan is to get a second job as a nanny in the hills somewhere. One of my German students told me that you get minimum 1000 friggin $ a week as a nanny. And hey, am I like the super nanny or what? Just imagine, if that would work out I would have to work less than six months to pay half of my student loan back!!!!! (plus my Mom's loan)

Check this out:

I speak five (5) languages
I have babysitted ever since I was 12
I was a tutor in a circus for acrobatics, tight rope walking, juggling, moncycling
I was a leader of a greenpeace youth group and of a scout like youth group for years and years
I organized trips around europe with this youth group and was responsible for a bunch of teenagers during those trips
I was a homeschool teacher (nobody has to know that I sucked) and a tutor since 2003
I am a language and guitar teacher and I could teach flute and help kids with piano
I teach a famous actress 'guitar' and could bring kids on set once in a while (I bet kids around here think that's the real deal hahaha)
I didn't grow up here and have travelled a lot but I do have the American citizenship...

all I need is a drivers license....

So wish me good luck to get the right job at the right time!!!! :))