When she is telling her story, sobbing, I get this creeping feeling that I know that guy. I ask her straight up is it 'Don Juan #2' (name changed by author :)? She stops dead in her track as she picks up her jaw from the floor and with a little hick-up in her now tiny voice she says 'yes. how did you know that?'
Because, I know the story.
And it is so good! Very appealing. I am afraid I am becoming one of these people who start seeing everything as marketing. The problem is really that there is no consumer society around here in the wild wild East of Africa that then can help you make claims to return something or get reimbursed. It is almost like Berlin! A self service store of sorts. If you buy a product with the entire package you also have to read the small print, and it almost always says 'you can't complain because we told you so'.
His story is great. Here is why: As a mzungu girl you have a lot of options in this town. It is sad, in a way, but also a fact. Perhaps it is true that I can't go around and judge the taste of people or the power of 'otherness' for our biologically informed decisions, but I can see the trend. Many times I will win over my beautiful Kenyan sister (eh, the ridiculously beautiful one who doesn't only look like a Goddess descended from the heavens but who also has charm, wits and a golden heart) because I am white. And I am saying that with an upsetness inside because I am really not the prettiest girl around the block. As an esthetic person I would say that I am an average good looking person. My whiteness is overriding that in this country. I am always impressed and relieved when that doesn't seem to be true, because me, too, I want it to be about people and personalities. Anyways, I digress. So, with these many options in town we hetero women run into different types of men. Some want our passports (and I love the ones who say that straight up into my face), some want the status upgrade that seems to come with having a white girlfriend (I disagree with history on this one but perhaps it is just biology trying to trick us into diversity and most probably it is about economics), some are just into white girls (and that's okay but leaves a lot of question marks in every direction) and others are not interested (that is usually very interesting) and really don't need you at all. Very appealing.
I remember, how in the beginning some guy friends of mine who see themselves as Kenyan middle class, were complaining about white girls falling for the rasta man in informal settlements - why? Because they want to, I don't know, satisfy their socio-romantic solidarity with the poor. Because artists cut across class and are wildly interesting. Because, reasons. Why doesn't she fall for me? Is it the middle class? Is it his personality? Maybe it is really just about people, and that would make me happy in the end. But let's be honest - dating and sex and all these things have never been just what we want to make them be. It has always been about a lot more factors than just obvious ones.
To go back to our question: his story is great because it takes us from the slums to self-empowered wealth. It is essentially like having a cake and eat it too. You have that phoenix story, sitting with a man who can treat you to an expensive dinner that in the back of your mind makes you feel guilty because you realize this is half of the salary of your housekeeper for a month. A man, who essentially doesn't need you. But who says, that he is tired of this Nairobi dating scene. That there must surely be more to life than this. That's when you get hooked. It is a triple success: Someone who has risen, who doesn't need you but declares he is tired of sleeping around.
We always want something different. If you fall for this story and you added ideas what this really is about and then don't get out what you expected it is quintessentially your own fault. Not to say that people shouldn't be transparent and so on, but let's face it: we want to believe the story and we don't want to read the small print or even better - contain our sprouting fantasies to see what is really going on. And, to be sure, it is not that the story was even a lie. It is what this person chooses to share and what you want to hear. It is a golden sunset and a hero riding on his horse into it.
Because, I know the story.
And it is so good! Very appealing. I am afraid I am becoming one of these people who start seeing everything as marketing. The problem is really that there is no consumer society around here in the wild wild East of Africa that then can help you make claims to return something or get reimbursed. It is almost like Berlin! A self service store of sorts. If you buy a product with the entire package you also have to read the small print, and it almost always says 'you can't complain because we told you so'.
His story is great. Here is why: As a mzungu girl you have a lot of options in this town. It is sad, in a way, but also a fact. Perhaps it is true that I can't go around and judge the taste of people or the power of 'otherness' for our biologically informed decisions, but I can see the trend. Many times I will win over my beautiful Kenyan sister (eh, the ridiculously beautiful one who doesn't only look like a Goddess descended from the heavens but who also has charm, wits and a golden heart) because I am white. And I am saying that with an upsetness inside because I am really not the prettiest girl around the block. As an esthetic person I would say that I am an average good looking person. My whiteness is overriding that in this country. I am always impressed and relieved when that doesn't seem to be true, because me, too, I want it to be about people and personalities. Anyways, I digress. So, with these many options in town we hetero women run into different types of men. Some want our passports (and I love the ones who say that straight up into my face), some want the status upgrade that seems to come with having a white girlfriend (I disagree with history on this one but perhaps it is just biology trying to trick us into diversity and most probably it is about economics), some are just into white girls (and that's okay but leaves a lot of question marks in every direction) and others are not interested (that is usually very interesting) and really don't need you at all. Very appealing.
I remember, how in the beginning some guy friends of mine who see themselves as Kenyan middle class, were complaining about white girls falling for the rasta man in informal settlements - why? Because they want to, I don't know, satisfy their socio-romantic solidarity with the poor. Because artists cut across class and are wildly interesting. Because, reasons. Why doesn't she fall for me? Is it the middle class? Is it his personality? Maybe it is really just about people, and that would make me happy in the end. But let's be honest - dating and sex and all these things have never been just what we want to make them be. It has always been about a lot more factors than just obvious ones.
To go back to our question: his story is great because it takes us from the slums to self-empowered wealth. It is essentially like having a cake and eat it too. You have that phoenix story, sitting with a man who can treat you to an expensive dinner that in the back of your mind makes you feel guilty because you realize this is half of the salary of your housekeeper for a month. A man, who essentially doesn't need you. But who says, that he is tired of this Nairobi dating scene. That there must surely be more to life than this. That's when you get hooked. It is a triple success: Someone who has risen, who doesn't need you but declares he is tired of sleeping around.
We always want something different. If you fall for this story and you added ideas what this really is about and then don't get out what you expected it is quintessentially your own fault. Not to say that people shouldn't be transparent and so on, but let's face it: we want to believe the story and we don't want to read the small print or even better - contain our sprouting fantasies to see what is really going on. And, to be sure, it is not that the story was even a lie. It is what this person chooses to share and what you want to hear. It is a golden sunset and a hero riding on his horse into it.
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