overwhelming

When I was a child I had this deep deep feeling of trust in the most High. And I loved birds and was overwhelmed by the wide wide sky

Today I still am. But I have lost some of this certainty within. I have betrayed some of the most profound beliefs and convictions I had without even knowing where they came from. Maybe I had to lose them for a while to understand, that they, indeed, where not indoctrinated but were actually coming from within. And my parents made the way free for me to unfold my innermost feelings and thoughts.
Maybe, however, I was just spoiled by too many stories, especially tales about princesses or the litthe Jesus child.
I remember how one morning, my mother was making fire in the stove, I was lying in my bed and seriously contemplating on whether or not Jesus knew, as a child, that he was Jesus and if not, how I could know whether or not I was maybe Jesus too!
lol
wow, I don't know. What a child I was, really weird huh?
anyways. I was the third and in the fairy tales the third princess gets the prince



and I somehow believed in that, I always told guys off, even those I thought I was in love with too. I said 'well, if, then with the right one' but one day, one day i gave in and thought, well now, I gotta have my experiences too, and there was nothing wrong with that, actually, but in retrospect I totally have to say: man, they were not worth it after all. I might as well just have waited for HIM. that is for the guy I love so much.
The question, the burning question was always: HOW can I know, when something is true? How can I find the TRUTH? I was reaLLY bothered by that question. Would I realize, once he stood in front of me???
So I started listening to my heart, and training myself to learn how to distinguish between voices and the voice within.
And one day, I was standing under this tree:

With the guy I love so dearly now.
And I was leaning against him and felt a weird kind of trust and magic in my heart. And he called me a wild child and told me that he thought we should write this chapter together....
And today,
today I am so tired of all those games. Those games you are supposed to play in our society... I am tired of writing chapters or paragraphs, I freaking want to write a book. the neverending story. you know?
I am so tired of all those people in Hollywood who try to tell me that there is no such thing as staying together for ever and that it s all about how good the guy is in bed.
Don't get me wrong, he is wonderful! but i don't even think thats the point.
aargh.
I think, the point is, that we shouldn't let society dictate what we are supposed to do and stuff when we feel deeply. Of course, you have to listen to the voice of experience but more important: you have to listen to your heart.
I stopped doing that for a while
And now it feels like coming home:

Thats me, in the corner, losing and refinding my religion.
That's me, the third princess and I am waiting for my prince to solve the three riddles, fight the dragon, acquire his kingdom and then I will give him mine. And I will take his hand....