is this love, is this love, is this love I am feeling

ahh. what a wonderful man
I love him so much, it s WEIRD. no. wait, it s BEAUTIFUL. some people here in hollywood keep telling me how life is disappointing and guys eventually will be too and stuff, and there is no such thing as staying together and shit, but hey, my parents did, whats your point motherfucker???
there is this guy, I had a crush on him in the beginning and he was all reserved and holding back and stuff, and as soon as I was with my love he started making moves on me, mf, hey, get your dirty phantasies out of my pants! i mean...I was flattered in a way, I m only human after all...but still...a phantasie of me being a farmers girl at 1945 (he is a sucker for WWII history and knows all the German words for the war terminology - WEIRD! -) and being raped by four russian guys is really way too far...of course, he can't help it if he has a certain phantasie that just pops up in his mind, but why, why did he tell me? yeah. to flatter and upset me. what the fuck. so now he started giving me shit how i don't give him hugs to say hi, when I am with my love. WTF? I mean, hey, I respect him, so I don't give guys a cordially hug that he knows I had a crush on back in the days. thats it. so he makes fun of me how stupid i am to be like that and how much i still have to learn and lalalla, you know what, he is 36 and doesn't believe in long term relationships. so fine. does that mean, that me too, I will eventually, inevitably grow to believe the same?
NOPE!
and you know why?
because i have a different outlook on life pothead!
dah.
so ANNOYING. and then he says ' you know G, we'll be friends for ever, I know that, you'll write me way much later and say 'hey sean, you were right with this and that'
RIGHT
i DON'T know, homey, if you can't respect that I am how I am and just make fun of it...so be it! I don't need that shit. AMEN.




I m still a life lover though :))



and smiles is what I can give plenty and for FREE, to everybody. to homeless people and to rich people i don't care. that's what I have and I can give, other than money for example!!!! and i mean it, too!!! I can even smile for this emeffing bitch J________. I mean, I forgive her. Or rather, let me put it this way 'Oh father, forgive them for they know not what they do..."
yeah, lauryn hill really beautifully sang this song by B. Marley....yeah. we all know where it comes from...the problem, however, might be, that she knew what she was doing. or wait, no, she didn't. She can't see HOW it is wrong for real what she is doing!!! *sigh* won't stop me from smiling though. I have so much trust in life, it is ridiculous.