my mom.
my mother.
I remember, one day she was driving me down to town and cried. 'I always dreamt of my girls and me becoming good friends when you are older' she sobbed and it was really tragically comic. Then she laughed under her tears (a trademark from all women on this side of our family) and looked really beautiful... She was so sad. but I was too young to be a friend. However, now that I gained the right amount of distance both physically and emotionally from those days I am proud and happy beyond words to anounce officially that my mother has indeed become one of my best friends.
And the motherly-touch she still has is not at all bothering me but I actually really still want her to be my mom besides being my best friend.
Today I felt so shitty. Really. So ... incapable of doing what I want to do. So paralysed. So wrong. And then we talked and everything is better now. It was so good to talk to you mom. I love you.
Man, I am so happy about my mom being the way she is and the way she raised me and the way she loves.

She is something else.
I mean, being over 60 and still climbing trees...Now, does that rock or something?
I mean, she is SO PRACTICAL. When she visited me last year at my college she helped me patientally to frame all my painting for my exhibition and put up with all my stress. And then we went out to the 'it'-secret place in Berlin, this bar at the river and she saw the swing and just .... enjoyed it like a kid!
Her candle of loving enthusiasm still gets lit like the candles on our x-mas tree.
She made my life the fairy tale world that it has been and she gave me all the weapons to protect that and protrude everything else with it: an abundance of songs, prayers, experiences that help me to get through anything just by thinking of it/singing it/saying the prayer. She trusted me more than anybody I know (starting with letting me climb trees as much as I wanted to and continuing with letting me go through my stupid Bo-experiences. She always trusted me and I hope I never let you down Mom. Thank you so much. And just most recently, the way she trusts in me and my love and us doing the right thing is better than any consoling words anybody could have for me.)

Thank you so much. i am obviously lacking the right words right now. But to make a point before giving up I would like to say that all the advice you gave me and that infuriated me many times - it was the best I ever got. You are it, Mom. You are it. Your intuition rocks. Your sixth sense rocks. Your flexible ideas rock. Your feeling heart rocks. Your beautiful creativity shines and is my star. Your consistency is one of the strongest supporting factors in my life. Your ability to feel into other people is incredibly admirable. Your heart warms my life. You gave birth to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For being so strong in your weakness. So beautiful in any mess. So adorable and so humane. Anything that you did and regret now was nothing. It made you a human and once you descended from the olymp of parental perfectness you became even more admirable and adorable.
Yeah! Alaskan girls rock!!!! And Alaskan Mom's rock even harder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am dancing on the roof for my mom. She is the best friend i've got. (to the right in this pic. see how her sister's admire her too!!!! you never knew how beautiful you really are mom, and that made you even more special and adorable)