who would have thought. bob dylan

1997. Bob Dylan released 'Time out of Mind' and with it the song 'love sick'.
I was best friends with Pedro, who taught me how to laugh again, Caspar, Viola and Regina, we painted and read a lot and spent whole afternoons with acting, like, who can cry most authentically and so forth.
Our class went to Slovenia, to the castle Borl, which we helped to restore with the Organization Idriart, Lisa and I decided to go back for the festival in the summer, prepared the trip in the greatest details (i.e. who is going to put us to bed in time etc.pp) so that when we asked our parents they couldn't say no.
Two girls, 13 years old, alone on the train across Europe. We read Martin Buber, carried heavy with our mind blowing questions concerning life and god and the universe. For some reason we met a lot of 'old old' people who were studying psychology (gosh, those 'old' people were probably younger than I am now teehee) and I found my aunt's contacts after four days searching in the crack of my sister's room.
This aunt introduced me to the term 'prince charming', whom she desperately longed to meet and the abbreviation PC was the source of a lot of insider jokes we stupid little teenie girls cracked.
It was the summer in which I found people who I could ask what I really wanted to ask, in which I met Lampi and hence the future development of me going to Russia on a hiking trip and then again, to learn the language. it was the summer in which first insurmountable love crushed into our hearts and it was the spring when the 'cloverleaf' how they called us (Pedro, Viola, Regina, Caspar and me) went to the Netherlands in a daylong trip, to stay there for a week. It was the spring of experiencing a deep friendship with a guy (caspar) and the abyss of love (with Pedro) who opened himself up to me and whom I rejected, which I regretted many many times later....and this was how he eventually taught me -unknowingly - how to cry.
He looked at me one day at the fire, and asked me whether I wanted to become a singer, as I was singing 'California dreaming'. You have such a beautiful voice.

Well, now I am here, in California, actually studying guitar to become a better singer/performer, not with less but certainly more questions.

It has such a magic to it, when you are young and just have this feeling what you are going to do 'later'.
However, when this 'later' approaches faster and faster, you get all dizzy and desperate, sometimes...

1997, and I don't think I listened to Bob Dylan's record, that 'marked a new era of his artistic expression.

almost ten years later I sit in Hollywood, California, have 'Lovesick' on repeat and shake my head about space and time and about this summer, that still sticks out as the most important summer of my whole life....

and right now I can relate to this song so well: that's exactly how I feel some times about me being crazy in love like that, here, in freaking California....

LOVESICK

I'm walking through streets that are dead
Walking, walking with you in my head
My feet are so tired, my brain is so wired
And the clouds are weeping

Did I hear someone tell a lie?
Did I hear someone's distant cry?
I spoke like a child; you destroyed me with a smile
While I was sleeping

I'm sick of love but I'm in the thick of it
This kind of love I'm so sick of it

I see, I see lovers in the meadow
I see, I see silhouettes in the window
I watch them 'til they're gone and they leave me hanging on
To a shadow

I'm sick of love; I hear the clock tick
This kind of love; I'm love sick

Sometimes the silence can be like the thunder
Sometimes I wanna take to the road and plunder
Could you ever be true?
I think of you
And I wonder

I'm sick of love; I wish I'd never met you
I'm sick of love; I'm trying to forget you

Just don't know what to do
I'd give anything to
Be with you