crazy family history

i just had a midnight german tutorial with Mira...she really tortures me now cuz she wanna do this german exam and i have to help her...
as i was starving anyways i decided to break into the cafeteria with her (ha, although she is the RA!) and get some juice and coffee and food....we kinda felt like 13 year olds and almost died of laughing....*ggg*

we situated ourselves in the commonroom then, with all the goodies and Zeynep joined us....and talking of boys, sex and love I wound up telling them the story how my parents got to know each other....

and so one thing came to the other and they made me tell them about my family...

...and i just realized.... we've got..such ..... a .... crazy....family...

on both sides! I mean, on dad's side we have the obscure german past, my grandparents being involved in the second world war, my grand dad still insisting on the second view on the whole thing, which he says is omitted nowadays...i mean, I really think that it is true that the reasons which subsequently lead to the war are very diverse and complex but you cannot deny the schier horror and unbelievable trauma that happened because of us germans back then. However, I never dispute with him because I don't think there is any use in doing it. I just want to know his version and add it to the picture....
Then we have dad's family history, the difficulties growing up in this family...grandad beating them up, grandma ducking away... Hippie times.... dad leaving home...hitchhiking through europe, to turkey....leaving his siblings behind....the riots in paris.....
and Heidi, lost in the middle of nowhere, experiencing the divorce of grandad and grandma as essentially disturbing...grandad beating her to unconsciousness...i don't know what is exaggerated in her stories that she told me....but it's horrifying anyways.....and then, thinking of grandad ...the reasons why he did that...how he must have felt...it's all so ambigious....i feel pity for the humanity, i feel pity for the tortures of human beings as such......the pain struggeling becoming one......grandma...what she must have felt...granddad writing her those mean letters......haunting her.....Oddie, trying to find his place......getting somewhat on the "right" side...being sent to those camps..I even don't know much about it....
Heidi living on the streets, alcohol abuse, trying to live her life...fighting her fight.....Oddie, comitting bankrobbery....as far as i know up to 16 times....being in this rightwing-radical group, fighting for and with palestinians......our phone at home was obviously as well traced....getting caught....10 years prison..getting free after 8 years, having studied french and arabic translation....loosing his girlfriend....tragedy tragedy......Ute and Karin being the only ones who found kind of sanity in their families...but Ute getting divorced too...Only Karin and dad still live with their initial partners....I guess we owe it all to antroposophy ;)

Then, on ma's side....the crazy Yule...the unfortunate arrangement when Ruth came over....marriage prepared, she didn't know anything...instead of his long dreamt of autonomous community in Alaska 8 children....growing up in the wilderness...pioneer life....choleric dad. beating them, too......terrible fights at home..Ma feeling responsible for it....helping her mom...being a second mom to her youngest siblings....StellaVera's heart broken when Ma leaves home with 20....didn't know that she wasn't her proper Ma....Ma always betwenn pretty Fay and wild Mossy....having an abortion with a child by Jerry, the mormon native alaskan....Oh man, I could have had an indian sister.....then attempted abortion with Saskia...who came nevertheless...Ma not wanting to marry 'Pirat' the rockclimber...moving to Europe, meeting my dad....waiting bout 3 years before they marry or kiss or anything...great stuff....admirable....

Ma's family being a showfamily...travelling through switzerland showing the movie of 'the difficult school of the simple life'...in reality everything being different....eating problems...her sisters having bulimie....her mother falling in love with Yule's best friend Rod....divorcing....Mossy doing her own songs and her own LP's, Atz also going for music..... Jewel becoming a star.....
Saskia trying to reverse her destiny, or trying to make up with her own destiny by pushing Q'orianka..or she would say supporting her....it's all a matter of lifestyle right...Q'orianka being about to become a star....
this is the crazy 'show off' Kilcher family....family meetings always becoming some sort of talent show....huge crowd...Eivin, Levi...Rhema, Ana, Nicos,....the close ones.... Atz-Lee, Shane, Dylan, Jewel, ....the admired ones....Arven....the pittied one, being caught in his addictions.....

It's crazy, really

and i am part of this crazy background and I have to say that it feels perfectly right....

I miss you.....