whoever reads this here (and i don't expect many to read it anyways but who gives a damn it s just a means to get rid of all this crazy stuff floating around in my head) must surely think i am a whiny and lachrymose (ain't that a fine word, huh!?) female... all this 'oh-and-i-just-couldn't-help-but-cry' stuff...
well to fulfil this picture, to close this box even a little tighter I have to add a new maudlin, whiny-voiced news: Yesterday I finally decided to go for it and do something about this research my beloved professor David Levine assigned to me: On the Nazi and Soviet conduct in the conquest of Eastern Europe [sacking of cities, treatment of civilians etc]
Yeah. So I went to this library and found like, lets say, 15 books on the topic. I had approximately 2 hours to read them, as I had forgotten my library card and couldn't take anything home. Sure, you know. That happens preferably only to me.
So I sat there in the library, reading this horrible stuff and at some point my eyes were watering, tears dwelled up in my eyes and I-just-couldn't-help-but-cry again. The tears were just rolling down my cheeks and I guess it must have looked somewhat pathetic or very moving to outsiders. Man, do I always have to be THAT theatrical and drama-queen-like? ????well. I promise-I-couldn't-help-it though.
On the other hand. I maybe shouldn't be embarrassed. Don't we all have these moments? If tears are my personal way how to deal with this stuff....well, go for it, girl! but i have to keep thinking of this guy who visited one of the concentration camps shortly after Germany's capitulation and met there this jewish boy who saw him crying in destress. This boy said to him, passing by: 'man, this is something you cannot change with crying'. Sure, crying helps, but then we have to take care not to leave it by that. Cleaning your soul is good if it uncovers your potential to actually do something.
Cuz actions speak louder than words.
geraldine
ps check out the link (hidden in the title)
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