relationships, churches and solitudes

so, I can't understand myself, I feel like trying to catch up with my crazy mind constantly. VERY VERY VERY comforting and nice though to have a constant emotional BASE, from which, don't get me wrong, the weirdest fluctuations of a woman's heart grow like curls on my boyfriends head, but yeah, at least, I tell myself in the evening hours when I look into the greenblue sunkissed sky, at least I have something to smile and then roll over like a happy little wild child when I think of my LOVE. That's nice, eh?! It's not like our minds are united like there were not differences...No! NO! It's still like dancing a damn tight-rope walk, but, hey, I practiced doing that back in our school circus for a reason, right!!!?

Rainer Maria Rilke, a famous German poet apparently, as I learned today, said something really great in one of his poems (which one exactly I will research later and let you know!). In fact, it made me so happy, that I started jumping around on my chair during class and couldn't stop marveling at this beautiful sentence, constantly thinking of how I would love to tell my sweet love what he said:

To love (or so it goes...I just quote from my fickle memory, so forgive me!) ok, so to love means to be the guardian of your lover's solitude.

That's when you realize, that in the end human beings are essentially alone. But that doesn't mean, they have to be lonely. If you respect the other person's solitude instead of wanting to want to have him/her, you guard the space that is his/her own to BE.

It's a beautiful thing to think about. Being alone is so DIFFERENT now, being in love. It is like a church in a way. When you are in a field you have all the space above you without an end to it, but when you are in a church, the building creates a vessel in which the space becomes apparent. It protects and defines and creates the sense of space, because it puts a relation to it to your own physical limitedness. And the cool thing is, within this limitedness you (well I do at least) experience an inner movement of opening up, it helps to implode so to say and find the infinte space through the point. AH, I am expressing myself so clumsely. How annoying.

What I mean is, churches are not necessary to connect to God, but they are a beautiful way of helping to do so. Your soul can open up because of the definition of the physical space. Ah.

So to bring this complicated and unnecessarily elaborate Jayjay-comparison to a conclusion I should say, that I think that being in a relationship that is based on love has a similar effect: It restricts the inner space physically. It restricts the multitude of opportunities and paths and possibilities that present themselves to us every second. And IN THIS RESTRICTION we find a different depth and sensefulness within ourselves, as for example, when I am alone somewhere now, or even in a crowd, as my love appropriately put it, I experience a DIFFERENT quality and a different kind of connection to myself and God through this restriction.

And by ackonwledging the individuality of the beloved you understand that you got to guard the space within, like a church does. Ah. Or sO!!!! excuse my confused and unconcice putting of thought...