who the fuck should i trust with my songs anyways

You know?
I thought, wow, next quarter I am gonna take this artist development class, I'd have to bring one or two songs every week and work them over with a singer/songwriter dude/dudessa. I thought, that would make me finally sit down and pin them down those freaking fleeting ideas!!!

But screw that!!! Who the fuck should I trust with my songs anyways? what about the good old gut feeling? I never believed really in that school stuff anyways. For technique - great!But otherwise???

I just realized today in songwriting class, that there are two things I should acknowledge: I should stop excusing myself and avoiding writing songs like the plague, and I should NOT work with a person on my songs that tries to help me to make them more accesible or streamlined or more senseful for the sake of an audience. Wait, somebody might say now, its not about that. It's about how you could improve the craft of songwriting!

Duh. That's for sure, I shouldn't excuse myself and be lazy, but I also shouldn't make backflips just for the sake of doing backflips. When will I realize, that I won't get into that no matter how much outer strutctures would force me to? What about taking myself seriously and jumping over that damn shadow and just writing songs for whatever reason I have written songs alwyas???!!!!!

I DON'T like writing songs over, I am not like Leonhard Cohen, who worked on Halleluja for a year. I am a Dylan person, of course I am NOT a female Bob Dylan, Lord, no! but what I mean to say is, I write a song of the top of my head, in like ten minutes, and if its not good, screw it! Next song!!!

Okay. so maybe I SHOULD work on them after all. But by myself or with whoever I happen to work with. Not with someone who will maybe, in the worst case, help me write popsongs. Beware...

Ah. Ah. Ah.!!!!!! I'm just writing that to convince myself...I 'm apparently not too sure myself whether I should believe myself or not.