lol
Qimin just stated that she loves me so much and as we were talking about marrying and how different things are in China and that she really shouldn't marry someone just for the sake of her parents or stability, she suddenly embraced me and said:
'Oh, Jay, if you were a guy I would marry you!" :-)
lol. That is really cute. In fact, however, I should start worrying now. Cuz I think it is not the first time a girl tells me that... Elissa did, surely just joking, but still. Jenia did, sure, and maybe even Mira... It is funny. What do they find in me that they think they could need? I have no clue...Maybe my energy, the craziness, the smiles, the jumping around, the travelling, the encouraging.
but you know, I wanna marry you. I don't know where you are. I have waited for you for such a long time. I don't know how you should be but I know that I DO want to marry you and that I KNOW once you are there....
I mean, marrying itself is outdated anyways. Not for easterneuropeans, turks, chinese...but here? oldfashioned. But I do want to marry too. Thats it. Until then....Don't know....
lol...too bad I am not a guy.....
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5 comments:
Yeah, you are right in some sense. However, however!- However I think that having a bad faith in oneself as emotional being and in ones love affair is the wrong thing to say. Why BAD faith? I mean, it is a matter of fact that more often than not infatuation ceases - if love realtionships were a business certainly nobody would invest in them, as they are just known to be too risky to invest in. And nevertheless people still invest. Marrying then is of course what you say; for the sake of stability.
I think however, that you should marry someone for the sake of the stability of your relationship/love but not for the sake of stability itself. I mean, at least you should be able to look back at some point in your life and say: well, love ceased/it was damn difficult/it became something different or whatever, but i married this guy because i really wanted HIM. And not merely HIS stability. As i am quite convinced that at some point in your life you will stop and think: OH man, did i miss sth? did i let love/life pass by and missed it out of cowardice? why didn't i believe in my own strength?
they will certainly feel they have missed sth.
maybe i am wrong
however, a further problem is indeed the traditional background one comes from. what marriage means in the respective culture. the commitment....i mean, my turkish friend, too, would marry her boyfriend partially also because her family likes him so much. although she really fell in love with a guy over here in germany....
i am against such considerations cuz in the end its you who s got to live with that guy. on the other hand we see how marriages are handled in the 'western' societies....too many divorces etc. there is sth wrong with that, too..people don't try hard enough and never reach that deep understanding and love my parents developed over the years for example.....
;-)
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It just occurred to me that we are using the word "stability" to mean different things. You mean to marry someone who is not emotionally or erotically (in a Greek sense of the word) attractive, but, say, financially secure or psychologically balanced, that is to say - "stable"? Then, I agree.
I was thinking of stability that is a part of definition of marriage: to marry someone is by definition to stabilize the relationships with that person by resorting to certain social regulative agencies and their operative criteria, and if one is opposed to or suspicious of stability (one may strive for instability?) then one should not perhaps marry someone. That was my confusion.
I am really the last person to discuss this issue - not enough experience :) Never seriously considered marriage as an option... Neither for the sake of stability, nor for any other sakes...
What I also noticed and what I find remarkable is that marriage is often represented in language and in behavior as some kind of culmination, or acme of love. One marries someone because one really loves that person. This is strange. Now when I think about it, I would perhaps never marry a person whom I really love. These are just two different domains to me – that of marriage and that of love. Marriage (if it goes smoothly) is boring. Love (always unpredictable) is not. The persons whom I love – there is a few - are just not the types with whom I can do daily things together and all that family jazz :) And it is not entirely their fault :)
lol.
haha. all that family jazz. well...I would personally marry someone I really love. But as love as so many faces it is not the only criteria to marry someone, sure. It would have to be someone I want to share all this family jazz with, who would be a good dad to my kids, and, most importantly, who would look in the same direction as I do, i.e. would be someone I also could relate to in intellectual and professional terms. Of course, if love strikes me with a guy who is completely out of that picture I won't protest. lol. But as an ideal it would be the above described way.
Yeah, love is unpredictable but love that develops within a secured relationship such as in marriage, can be much profounder and more interesting than the ever rising and sinking tides of unpredictable love/being in love...but, and thats for sure, I'd take my time before I'd decide whether or not to marry.
If you ask me this is the main difference between eastern european girls and me,/western european girls. They mostly start studying with 17 and then, around 24 or so have nothing else to do than to marry and they better do because convention requires that and anyways, the rumour is widespread that having children after 25 is already a risk for both, mother and child.
My mom was 40 when she got me. So I ve got an entirely different background. It is also much easier for me to travel whereever I want to, work in summers, get enough money for travelling, etc. Its just so different from the considerations that young women from eastern european countries and, in this case from China have to make....
And sure, I understand them but in the same time kinda reject vehemently any subordination to such conventions. But what is necessary is necessary.....
I think I've got your drift. What I find interesting is that marriage seems to be taken more seriously in the Western world. It is one of the main concerns in the West. This issue is open for intellectual and moral debate here, while in the East it seems to be just a tradition –parents decide what best suits their child. People from the East do not invest themselves intellectually into the subject – not that westerners, after all the deliberation, know the formula of marriage and always apply it, if they find one. Their attitude towards the subject is perhaps similar to that of the Westerner who does not question.. eh… table manners. I mean, the westerners may have questions in this regard (table manners limit their expressive opportunities and repress certain psychological drives), but would handle their forks "right" most of the time, anyway – despite their momentary inclinations. Marriage is like shopping in the West and some persons are very picky about symbolically different, but essentially similar products.. And of course, when you go to the store, there are hundreds of brands of toothpaste and an individual is free to choose the type he/she happens at the moment to think is the right one. Not that this freedom of the Westerners to choose (once and for all) their spouses (as opposed to the Easterners with pre-arranged marriages) renders their family lives more satisfactory, mutually supportive and lasting. Do I still make sense? I am trying my best speaking on behalf of the Other :)
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