olivier

I have to dedicate one entire post to Olivier.

Olivier is a guy from France whom I met spring 2001 in Twer, Russia. You know, this was one of those amazing moments when life stops moving and you enter this space of stillness that threatens to tear you apart, makes you shiver like a little flower in a chilli wind? I was only for two days in Twer, as I was actually in St. Peters to help my parents who held a seminar over there. Anyways, I had to take two days off to see my beloved city, which had become my second home back in 2000, when I was there for four months to study Russian. There was still plenty of snow, and when I got off the train and walked down the street to the 'obschejitje' of the University where some of my firends from abroad had lived last year, I felt like tears were dwelling up my tears and the city soaked me in. Ahhhh- back in!!!!
It was as if nothing had changed. There were still the 'babuschkas' selling their carrots and stuff along the streets, ahhh, Russia, Russia, Twer.......
I visited some of my Russian Friends and then went to this Obschejitje (dorm) because I knew the cleaning lady there and was kind of curious what kind of students would be there now....
They were actually amazingly friendly and invited me immediately to stay for dinner...Time passed, we had a great time, talking about our experiences in Russia, in Twer and so on....
Until suddenly...
the door opened and Steph came in with Olivier. Olivier was her friend and he had just arrived in Russia to stay there for a few months.

Of course I was totally .... I don't know, what do you call this funny feeling again?
He looked gorgeous and his style was just....just the kind I dig...
He was very tired but stayed to talk a little with the crowd and as they were talking our eyes spoke to each other. I didn't know, that he realized that too, I was totally sure that nobody on this earth could like me back then. I hated myself sometimes so much, that I honestly could not imagine someone else would like me. I mean, no one from the other sexe!

However....the next day I happened to be around when he wanted to go and have a first look around the city and I offered him to show him around and show him 'MY TWER", as I know it from my gorgeous time back in 2000.
We spent a good four hours together, having great moments of conversation and of silence....

Climbing up scaffolds, watching the sunset..... you get it....

Later in the evening I had to leave. I said good bye to everybody and when it came to say good bye to him, I gave him a little note that I had written before, in mirror writing and, surprsingly enough, he also gave me a little note. We looked at each other and laughed.... It was really funny and magical in the same time.

A little sad but also very enchanted, I went with Timotei to the marschrutka station (a taxi-bus, similar tothose in south Africa) with my luggage...As we were standing there in the cold, shivering, I suddenly heard someone shout 'attend! attend! Geraldine!'
I turned around and there he was, the magical boy and Steph, his friend with whom I also had gotten along pretty well. They ran up to me and gasping for breath he said:'Please don't go! don't go! Stay here for another week. Cancel you flight and stay with us! please please!'

Very puzzled I looked at them and was torn apart inside myself. I knew it wasn't possible at all. But I wanted it so badly. It was so difficult. Finally they just accompanied me to the trainstation where we talked, exchanged our scarfs (the blue-white striped one is his!!!) and when the train left he took out his chewing gum and pressed it on the window...lol.....it was such a magical encounter, we both were strangely touched. I slept on the scarf this night and his smell accompanied me for quite a time even when I already was back in Germany.

We kept the contact by writing mails mainly, but also sometimes calling on the phone. I wanted to see him in early summer, but I fell from a tree and couldn't move for a couple of weeks....(which is worth another post lol) so I missed him...He later moved to England and we haven't seen each other ever since.

However, we always keep the contact, writing mails, chatting on msn, and it is so surprising that we actually do. After all these years. He is now with a girl from England who already had a son and he is kind of the dad now for petit Leo. I think it s just great that he did that...being a dad for someone who hasn't had a dead....

Recently we were talking about all this and he said ' you know, Geraldine, I think it is still so special for us because we actually didn't have the possibility/opportunity to spoil the magic. sometimes the unattainable is the pure and innocent and maybe it should stay that way...'

TODAY, however, I received something that is more evident of his existence than just mails: he has send me 6 Ben Harper CD's!!!!!

WOOOOW....I really admire him for that. Its simply great.....I am totally in love with those cd/s....
but now i gotta go out and play some basketball, before I do all the editing for the yearbook.....

Olivier, you are simply gorgeous!!! Always happy to know you and love
from Berlin

Geraldine

ps. I will always remember Olivier, who was the remedy for me back then. Experiencing someone that fascinating and beautiful and cool falling in love with me was absolutely good for my mental health back then. It helped me so much to accept myself, as I was , how I am....