...and the saga continues!

well....the bad always comes with the good! i still love you, dear life!! ;-)

the ' i-am-in-love-with-berlin' saga continues....

after the lucky co-incidence friday evening in Schoenhauser allee (i wrote about it in

here)

, I had another unbelievable thing happening to me today....
I was at Theresa's for brunch and just couldn't leave her...so when i finally left it was already evening. I almost forgot my mobile phone and stuff, anyways, things had to happen like that, because, guess who i met in front of the trainstation Warschauerstr?
Elsa, from the Freiburger Waldorfschool, and with her Nele, Julia, and as I later found out, RUTH, too!!!!!

It was so weird, that I even didn't freak out. I was just like 'oh hi elsa, how are you, how comes you are here?'
you know, the point is, Berlin is TOO big to meet people you are looking for but it is still small enough to actually meet people you would have never expected to see during the next years. We got along so well back in the 11 th grade and RUTH went to the same teacher in Russia, as I did. She actually went to a cicrus school in Moscow and will pursue this path now, after having finished school. She is doing shows and in that particular night she was having a devil-stick show in the Variete in the RAW complex.

of course I cancelled all my meetings (I was going to teach German, give a guitar lesson and have a yearbook meeting) and decided to see her show.

Elsa just came back from New Zealand where she has been the last half year (i am so jealous!) and she is as beautiful as always. she is genuinly one of the most beautiful people i know.

It was so much fun to see the Variete show, it was very unique and special and surprisingly it was so funny and fascinating that we had to laugh all the time or just sat in silence and in awe of what humans can do. Ruth's show was breath taking, in Russia she worked together with some dudes who did pantomime and other stuff with electronical music (they had a DJ in their shos) and she kinda incorporated that into her work , too. It was fascinating, totally fascinating.

Sitting there I realized of course, how much I love and am attracted to stages and the circus/variete scene. All the memories of my circus days flashed me back and this artistic thrive and thirst inside my breast just wept all considerations as what to study and become later, away. Studying philosophy? oh WELL....law??? oh WELLLL..... I absolutely have to look for a way how to integrate that into my life so I won't die. Art in all these forms is like SOUL-FOOD and a form of digestion for all the intellectual and emotional input I get. It really inspired me to see them, they are so fresh and so positive and energetic. It's so good to meet people like that. Sometimes, when you don't have any response in your direct environment it's difficult to keep up your own visions. Ruth and Nele do shows together and I am yearning for a complementary partner to do the same. But maybe it s just that I have to become active first and then everything will happen by itself. Well, I AM active, but maybe not enough. we'll see. I keep you posted!!!!!!!

jayjay who absolutely believes in the power of co-incidence!!! and intuition!

ps. Bumma I miss you terribly

pps. I actually called some of my friends to join for the show, but in fact I have to realize that not everybody can or should be as spontaneous as I am (or willing to spend money on sth like that and as uncontrolled as I do ;-)). -But it made me realize how good it is that I am single because I would never feel so free to follow these co-incidences than it is the case now. Of course I also had these crazy things happening to me when I was together with Jasper but the mere fact that being in a realtionship means also to be responsible towards the beloved one and make plans so you can meet up and stuff is just so contrary to my spontaneity and my wild thirst for life and experiencing things to the fullest.

Thus I am now more than ever a social maverick, enjoying both, walking alone and meeting people when it is meant to be.... taking my chances.......
so all in all i think i can sum it up to following thesis: being in a relationship means to give up lots of stuff and focus which, however, opens up a new universe of its own with lots of things to be discovered and lots of things which can make you grow. It also offers a kind of stability to which one can cling to in times of uncertainty and also a spring of strength to be able to do even greater things.....(possibly, could be the reverse, though, too; ;-)
However, I feel every day more and more clearly how much this kind of circumstance would not fit my life at all, not yet, I want to open up to the world as it is out there, embrace it all and find myself in it. I thought I already did that all the past years but I see that there is so much more to do and learn and experience that there is no way for me to focus. It would incredibly bore me to death to have plans for 'what to do tonight' or make plans what one could to together. It also would cost me more energy than give me lots of energy because I get all the tender cuddlin energy from my friends (they have accepted me as a cat ;-)) and the sexual energy from miscellaneous lovers to speak in Humanity Critics words ;-). It would cost me more, as it would be an act of a lot of energy to sustain the relationship, as it would be in reality so unnatural for me to be in one. Ahhh having said all this I feel a relief, really, as I have pondered these thoughts so much during the last weeks as I was kinda dealing with J.'s accusations on how I have changed or not and stuff.

So, to put the message very clear: I am very happy not to be in a relationship and I am very happy that you are and that you both are happy to be in one and are hopefully good for each other in every respect, - and honestly, it is good not to see you because our bodies did a different talking those last three times we met. The difficulties arise, from my point of view, because of the physical part of the whole thing and my former jealousy and disappointment that I cannot be the one who is with you now, has totally vanished. I am totally happy with me and my life and I thank the Goddes every day for it. And I am happy that we don't have to be a couple. Either it has been totally premature or it really was some sort of cute misunderstanding on both parts ;-)
love!!!
g

musician of tonight

conor oberst has a second band project called 'desaparecidos', which is much straighter and harder than 'bright eyes', with lyrics which are much more directly concerned with social issues....los desaparecidos refers to the people who 'disappeared' during the Argentinian 'Junta'. In fact many of them died in 'concentration camps' and even more died being thrown out of airplanes in which they were loaded while sleeping. They slept because they were given sleeping pills instead of vaccination.
the song that made me cry tonight is 'Easy/lucky/free' by bright eyes...
and in fact, rereading many of my past posts I think it really must look like \i am a very sad and melancholic person. Well, that is funny, because most of the people who know me would first (before they got to know this side, too) swear that I am an abundance of joy and happiness....well, well, well.....
Don't you weep, honey, don't you weep for them.....

did it all get real, i guess it's real enough

they got refridgerators full of blood

another century spent pointing guns at anything that moves

sometimes i worry that i've lost the plot

my twitching muscles tease my flippant thoughts

i never really dreamed of heaven much until we put him in the ground

but it's all i'm doing nowlistening for patterns in the soundof an endless static sea

but once the satellite's deceased

it blows like garbage through the streets

of the night sky to infinitybut don't you weep (don't you weep for them)

there is nothing as luckydon't you weep

there is nothing as lucky, as easy, and free

don't be a criminal in this police state

you better shop and eat and procreate

you got vacation days then you might escape

to a condo on the coast

i set my watch to the atomic clock

i watch the crowd count down til the bomb gets dropped

i always figured that there'd be time enough

i never let it get me down

but i can't help it now

looking for faces in the clouds

i got some friends i barely see

but we're all planning to meet

we'll lay in bags as dead as leaves

all together for eternity

but don't you weep

there is no one as lucky

honey, don't you weep

there is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free

why intuition is damn right

man, that was one of those funny 'conincidences'....
on my way back home, to finally finally start writing my essay due at midnight (haha, it s midnight and i haven't started, but who cares...) I got this sudden feeling, that I should get out at Schoenhauser Allee. I didn't know exactly why, I mean Blake lives nearby and maybe I thought I would get the feeling to see him or something like that (although this would have admittedly been a stupid idea, as my essay wouldn't have had any chance then of course) but also L.A. lives around the corner and I thought: well, maybe Geraldine, your unconcsious just wants to see whether he maybe is at home or so. lol
Well, but nothing alike happened. I went to this cafe and had an icetea and sat down to continue reading.
As nothing specatcular happened I thought, well, Geraldine, your voice is funny but maybe you just listen too attentivley to it...

Then suddenly a guy approached me, we looked in each others eyes, went to the bathroom and had crazy wild sex...

haha, kiddin, no, sure not. ;-) and no, this wasn't even my phantasy then. The guy actually wanted to show me his paintings (not panties!) and sure, he wanted to sell some. Well, I said, you know, I do that to...not really but yeah, I am going to paint in the streets so...bro, sit down, show me your stuff and so we started talking.
The result of this encounter is: I can use his workshop to do some stuff which he then will sell for me and I get some money for it. If people ask him to do portraits he will delegate this work to me and he will come to my exhibit next week (or the week after) and just to make it all very good he also told me about this yoga-center in Mitte where you can join Yoga and meditation sessions for free. This school has furthermore an artist association with centers all over the world, especially in South America.... well, and guess where I ll be next year? Yeah, right, South America. So thats pretty wild and cool.

And yeah, my voice was right, again....it s just too weird where it has led me to throughout the last years... I will talk about this later more...

and now I promise, I really start writing!
g. la loca

spoken words

poetry night as about many of the beautiful things in life I thought that the poetry nights at ecla would be something I would attend for sure regularly. It was so beautiful>! we really got into it, recitation, sharing, drinking wine, candies and candles, emotions, thoughts...... even our own poems were shared or as in my case my own songs... However, I was there only twice or so and ever since had something more important to do than to join. And as I just realized, this happened many times to me in my life. For example, when I have a wonderful brunch with special friends or go climbing with a particular person, I always think: wow, this is going to be my new routine! haha. but it never is. it is always a - beautiful - exception....wellwell!!! consists my life in the end only of exceptions? an endless chain of exceptions? exceptions of what then??? what is the rule the exception is for??? I guess exceptions from my eating-working-sleeping modus...;-)
well at least the poetrty nights are now part of my collection of cool events in my life... ;-) no matter what...

2004-2005 the year of reading when I was a kid, I often put a book under my pullover, pretended I would go out to play and then climbed a tree to read my beloved books. I was always reading. I was crazy for that, I guess this has to do with us not having a TV. luckily... The bad part of it was that my appendix got inflamed because I was sitting outside in the cold for too long and since I am 9 years old I don't have my appendix anymore. well.... so, the prospect of going to a college which would make me read a lot seemed quite a good idea to all who knew me but .... those who know me, know as well, that I developed to a person who is just incapable of restricting herself too much, so there is always a conflict of interests in the end and i have a hard time coordinating all the things I would like to do.....
well yeah, and I admit I didn't read all of the things we had to read but I read a lot...in trains, when waiting for busses, in cafes, at lakes, sitting in trees, lying in bed, couch, sitting in front of this stupid pc and so on and on and on.......oh my god. i remember when I was in Basel, doing this secretary apprenticeship I always told myself, when it got really dry and boring with all the business related stuff we had to read: next year you gonna read TONS of interesting things! well, guess what I tell myself now: next year you don't have to read anything, except for guitar tabs! or maybe a really stupid novel! and newspapers and the source or other nice things!
yes, you get tired after a while. overfed by philosophy.... when people start discussing moral issues at breakfast I could freak out like that. waaaah! quick, where is my discman. aahhh...relief. music.
or going to cinema, to a stupid movie. yeah. no philosophical background, in the worst case just some kitchen philosophy....ahhhhh....thats GOOOD! :-D

jewish girl - without words ( I painted that just when I came back from Montmartre, Paris, this magical summer of 2002) 

Africa - Europe.... dreaming in love 

... 

Nelson Mandela 

Heikos brother, 1998 

africa-europe ... where do we come from, where are we going to... we have the same past and future 

Winnie Mandela 

africa-europe ... children are the future, parents are our hope, maintaining our roots, dreaming our lives 

old jewish man 

baby 

pics for my exhibit 

jay and the sexy snow-woman 

way back in april...

jayjay in berlin.... that was way back in april at trevors birthday where the whole crows came in the most rediculouse dressings ever! it was so hilarious...I was wearing this blazer with stockings...;-) 50's cabaret style... - just got the pics, thats why the pic posting starts now!

in a world without you

again Beth hart

...

suddenly I am incredibly sad, listening to Beth Hart's 'in a world without you'... wondering, whether music actually instills this emotion or whether my emotions make me wanna hear her songs....

in about a minute i have to go and buy frames for my paintings for the exhibit...

'it doesn't matter what i do, in a world without you'
...well, i am just about to buy tickets to Los Angeles...my new destination....another turn in my life...I really feel that since Basel my life is developing in such a dynamical way, as if I was surfing on a life-wave...a huge one though....

and it makes me so sad, this song. there are no words to describe it...

g

m u s i c and russian mafia again

just wanted to share with you this cool website: http://www.epitonic.com
the streams are quite fresh ;-0

the weather is marvellous here, it s almost june and it feels like april :-P
currently we have two gorgeous guests from Mexico (via the hospitalityclub www.hospitalityclub.org) who actually wrote my spanish homework yesterday night hehe.

As I am now the slave of the Russian Mafia here (well, I am the chief editor of the yearbook and they are the team, but the chiefeditor is more a slave than anything else lol) I have to go through a lot of tests such as becoming corrupt and bribing people... ;-))

for example bribing innocent mexicans to write my spanish paper. lol. don't laugh at me i admit that sounds lame. but just thinking of my future i decided not to write the worse stuff here. who knows. once i become general sectretary of the UN people will trace me back to my corrupt sources so i better stop here. but be assured, that the Russian Mafia does a good job with me ;-))

g la loca

i just can't help it

whoever reads this here (and i don't expect many to read it anyways but who gives a damn it s just a means to get rid of all this crazy stuff floating around in my head) must surely think i am a whiny and lachrymose (ain't that a fine word, huh!?) female... all this 'oh-and-i-just-couldn't-help-but-cry' stuff...
well to fulfil this picture, to close this box even a little tighter I have to add a new maudlin, whiny-voiced news: Yesterday I finally decided to go for it and do something about this research my beloved professor David Levine assigned to me: On the Nazi and Soviet conduct in the conquest of Eastern Europe [sacking of cities, treatment of civilians etc]

Yeah. So I went to this library and found like, lets say, 15 books on the topic. I had approximately 2 hours to read them, as I had forgotten my library card and couldn't take anything home. Sure, you know. That happens preferably only to me.
So I sat there in the library, reading this horrible stuff and at some point my eyes were watering, tears dwelled up in my eyes and I-just-couldn't-help-but-cry again. The tears were just rolling down my cheeks and I guess it must have looked somewhat pathetic or very moving to outsiders. Man, do I always have to be THAT theatrical and drama-queen-like? ????well. I promise-I-couldn't-help-it though.

On the other hand. I maybe shouldn't be embarrassed. Don't we all have these moments? If tears are my personal way how to deal with this stuff....well, go for it, girl! but i have to keep thinking of this guy who visited one of the concentration camps shortly after Germany's capitulation and met there this jewish boy who saw him crying in destress. This boy said to him, passing by: 'man, this is something you cannot change with crying'. Sure, crying helps, but then we have to take care not to leave it by that. Cleaning your soul is good if it uncovers your potential to actually do something.

Cuz actions speak louder than words.

geraldine

ps check out the link (hidden in the title)

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

yeah, thats a shitty day.
thunderstorm in the night - that was good.
you know, these days when you oversleep. then you feel like a piece of shit anyways. your limbs are heavvy as fucking concrete and your room looks like the thunderstorm actually took place IN your room.

Yeah, don't laugh, those who know me surely think now: why bother at all G, isn't that status quo anyways?
No, it isn't. Let me explain why it is worse today:
there is a mountain of things to do (why the fuck did I decide to be chief editor of this fucking yearbook? oh MAN! i just don't learn at all!!! why the fuck do i have to do all these things in the end??? i hate myself for that.). resignation lingers just around the corner.
I have no clue what is wrong. oh no. thats a lie. i know. and that makes everything even worse: it is PMS.
yeah. fuck PMS. you know, you even cannot take yourself serious anymore then. you cry? haha. thats only PMS! you are grumpy? haha, thats only PMS. Alena, Mira, Maria - they all fucking suck? haha, thats ONLY PMS!!!! the food is worse than ever before today??? you already know the answer....

ladies, that ain't much fun. you know that.
I hate pms.
well at least I have pointed that out now.

g

ps my only consolation are the 'BEGINNER'...german HIPHOP...uah!!

inspir(e)a(c)tion

INSPIR(e) A(c)TION~!

Brenda Kahn is the woman today

she is one of the very cool femal rockers who actually give it a try

oh oh oh

thank you darlin for being there

I am anyways totally inspired by the past events....

I can't believe that I actually met all those cool, fascinating people...

To juli i said, man, sister heart, how comes we are here?

what put me here in the first place?

my sister my sister who is so active and initiative, who i detest for being so pushy you know.........

and here I am now and want to embrace the world. I want to let things happen I want to create actively my future.

oh jasper, do you know the song 'das weiche wasser bricht den stein'? (the soft water breaks the stone)??? I think this would be also advocating for how i decide to live my life.

but everybody. of course, has to decide for themselves...

love love love love love

love love love love

love love love

inspire

think

act

be

=

do

let things happen

and make things happen

connect

heart

+

head

and keep your body healthy

being a secretary at least

wow.
wednesday I somehow managed to stay awake and hang out until two or so, until i started finally packing my stuff to head to Hannover the next morning.
when i got to blake's place it was three and I think in the end I onlys slept two or three hours. FUCK! at half past eight arrival at Hannover. The members of the World Wisdom Council arrived half an hour later than expected. Wolfgang, the coordinator of the meeting even didn't say hello. but Ashok Gangadeen hugged me and obviously remembered me from last time.
Oh, what the WWC is? well, just click on the link (the title links you to the site) and read for yourself I am tired of explaining too much. it s just about how I was a secretary at last. I mean, here in this blog.

Hm... maybe this isn;t even so good, because it gives the impression that I am egocentric and only interested in spreading the word how incredibly fast I can typewrite (which certainly is a very very important quality) (if you want to get to knwo me now, drop me a note :-) and things like that. hm. well, you know, the world wisdom council. hm shit. well let me first tell you quickly what i actually did!

I wanted to attend the meeting as an observer but Wolfgang made me be the minutes taker, so i did the protocoll. Oh, and let me assure you, this is a great job! you actually HAVE to listen (this is NOTHING compared to lectures where you are merely forced to try not to fall asleep! I actually didn't snooze away once after only having slept two hours the night before!!!!) and paraphrase in your mind what they say and type it in the same time. I think its prette similar to simultaneous translation.
Oh, but the following night I only slept five hours, as I had to make my notes comprehensible and the next day was pretty exhausting. But it s been great to be part of this group and they actually paid all food haha, so that was good too. The second evening there was a public panel discussion at the World Church Day with Wangari Maathai, Mary Robinso, Ernst Ullrich v. Weizsaecker, Ashok Gangadeen, Audrey Kitagawa (she is my INSPIRATION!!!!), Herbert Groenemeyer (who was gorgeous and very impressive in what he said in such a simple and touching way!) and Ervin Laszlo (founder of the Club of Budapest http://www.cobusa.org/ )
It was very impressive all in all and very damn inspiring. I talked to Mary Robinso and told her about my plans and she was very encouraging, in fact she is the first person I met who said directly in these words "you won't regret it!'

man....thats exciting. Antoschka, the clown woman from Sibiria had a fascinating preformance and when Wangari Maathai held her speech about the environmental and spiritual destruction in Kenia I actually had to fight with my tears already.

Oh, of course, I blame it all to PMS, but in fact I was very touched. Also when Audrey Kittagawa talked about the children victimized by armed conflicts I couldn't help it. Maybe I was just too exhausted and tired to hold tears back. In moments like this I know what I wanna do in my life honestly, it becomes very clear to me and that is actually very great.

Oh, and I met such a wonder wonderful woman, with who I actually fell in love head over heels! She is from Nigeria, the daughter of the guy who was in fact elected as president but then put into prison where he 'died'. Her mother took over his work but 'died' too. She has like 17 siblings and is very very very very very beautiful. I can't help but BEING ATTRACTED to the afro-type. She is very tall and slim and a beautiful face and smile. she is very initiative and engaged in a project called 'kind' women leader ship development in Nigeria.

I honestly don't know how I deserve actually meeting these fascinating persons, but it is very inspiring and very encouraging. and good for networking, too, sure. I am very curious how things will work out for me.
me! me! me! how egocentric that sounds. haha. after having typed so many times that the eogcentric way of thinking is seen and understood to be the root of all evil in this world it does not surprize that i am worried about this now haha.

yeah. so i stayed at a hospitality guys house (www.hospitalityclub.org) and he was so uncomplicated and laid back, really cool. in fact Juli and I just went to his place at nights and he was ok with that. Juli left today in the morning as she had to be back to Basel to work and I slept very long.

oh and then i got the worst cramps every in my whole life! oh god, women are really bad off with respect to that. i actually had to throw up and it was so disgusting because i hadn't eaten for a long time so there was nothing to throw up, how disgusting. waaah. and i was white like a fuckin cheese and shivered all over the body, near to collapsing. Lars, the hospitalityguy was very worried, of course, I am so embarassed he had to see me like this. he actually ran to the next drugstore then to get me some painkillers which saved my afternoon.
we had a really good talk and he was so cute being excited about Q'Orianka playing along side with Colin Farrell. And then when he heard me on the guitar he was so extremely encouraging and told me to send him a song otherwise he would come and get one.lol. thats great. recently i have been commented very positively on my guitar playing (and voice too, who would have thought that) and all signs seem to point towards me being obliged to give a concert at last in july. christoph is pushing me and Lars said he would come straight away to hear me. ain't that totally cute. so there ARE people who like my music. gotta think about that.
but now i go to bed

enough blabla for today

g

said the tree to the bird ... and Saint Exupery

my best friend loves trees insanly.
and i love birds a lot. in 8 th grade we had to do a yearporject in which we had to work on a subject we were allowed to choose freely. she chose trees, i chose birds.
now it happens that i am very tall and strong. in acrobatics i am always the 'underwoman' and my friend, who is quite small, was always the one on top. :)
so the joke was born: i am the tree whom she loves so much and she is the bird i love so much.

i was just going to write an allgory on a tree and how growing doesnt mean betraying oneself because a person who means a lot to me obviously seems to have a problem with how i developed recently. then i thought, well, but this person would say: yeah, I dig the tree metaphor. But don't you see that it is about roots? A tree doesn't switch roots or just hops from one place to the other. Yeah. But I still claim that I am more like a tree nevertheless. So let me try to explain...

...Said the tree to the bird: You come back every spring and you always look the same. Your song is always the same and it always warms my heart. I love to hear you singing in my twigs, I love to see you flying. You seem to be so free, you must be very strong to be able to be so free. You can go whereever you go.

Said the bird to the tree: Oh, see, I am bound to fly always the same route, I have to come back, I have to look for food, whereas you just are there, you get your nourishment just like that through your roots. I seem free and strong but indeed I have to restrict myself a lot in order to maintain that liifestyle. You look always different when I come back from my journey. You grew taller or bigger, you lost some branches, there are more plants living on you now. You nourish the things around you and you give shelter to those who are weaker, you host birds like me.

The point is, that the bird always finds back to this tree, no matter how much it changed, because of the trees roots. The bird would be scared to death if that tree wasn't there anymore one day. A tree is not ALLOWED to change roots or locations. But, a bird is also not allowed to dismiss its sense of orientation because then it wouldn't find back to this spot. If you only believe and trust what you see and think you might be deceived by how the tree changed.

Saint Exupery said with the little prince: And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Hotel Rwanda

Oh jila la la ...
Thats just a continuation of the movie yesterday. Whereas in 'Darvins Nightmare' the guy was talking about how armed weapons are smuggled from the Western World to Tansania and then distributed all over Africa to provide the necessary weapons for the genocides and wars.
And all this under the pretext of exporting fish from Victoria Lake to the Western World... And now the story of General Romeo Dallaire and Paul Rusesabagina who are truely impressive characters. Persons. Human Beings.

For some reason I always have to cry like a baby whenever I read or see sth like that. Is it PMS? Sentimental? Feminine? I don't know, but I know it makes me cry. Violently. Be it a book on the history of native tribes in America, the slave/afro-american issue, the world wars, africa, southamerica, pinochet, argentinia....I remember, once I read a book by a woman who I had seen giving a speech. She was a child soldier in Somalia or Sudan and this book was so so so .... I can't describe it. It made me cry so violently and hard that when my sister surprisingly entered the room she went like:' Oh my God, Geraldine, whats wrong? What happened???" She really thought something serious had happened to me, something tragic. But I just couldn't stop, I shivered and sobbed like hell and couldn't explain it. When she saw the book she kinda understood. She knows me ;-) and she is similar to me....We just can't help it.

And everytime I get these strong emotions my thoughts start wandering through all possibilities I can imagine how to go about it. Go for law, after all, finally? Be a musician, politician,businesswoman????
There are so many ways but I really know that I want to understand this unbelievable trait of human beings and the system that brings about these happenings... Has this always been part of human history, have the means merely become more horrifying? Less dignified? What is it? The theoretical part is as interesting to me as the practical. Where is my place here? What kind of responsibilities do I want to face? Do I HAVE to face?

well....plenty things to decide and discover. I ll see what happens to me in Los Angeles. I am totally excited to get to know the life of my sister and to start working with her. She and Q'Orianka also plan for making finally a difference as soon as they can, financially....

There are SO many ways!!!!

g

darwins nightmare/darwins albtraum

You know these moments. You just can't help it. Tears dwell up in your eyes. you've probably seen and heard about it in some diffuse way or form, thousand times before. And you still can't help it. Anger. Helplessness. Questions. Will to make a difference, BE a difference.

Yeah, indeed you never feel so disgusted about your weight for example as when you sit in a very comfortable seat in cinema and see this kid sniffing glue and you can't help it but you have to cry.

It's so fucking crazy. It's been said so many times before and so many people stop saying it. Too sentimental. Too moralistic. Well this is TOO, too! this is TOO much. so if you say there are people who say this too often, in the end I d rather be in the category of this TOO. saying it again and again and again, crying it out, screaming it out, what the fuck, U2 and their attitude is great. Not in the way, however, as it is put in the media. Everyday some starving kids or corps for breakfast? NO. this dissensibilates if there is such a word. I want to say it through my work. through what I do.

Anyways. it is really worth watching the movie. Great work mr. Sauper.

Makes you think of what you do in your life and how you can actually go about being a difference in the little world of yours. Not wasting time but also not wasting time by trying to do sth from a position which is in fact not very effective whilst you could really make a difference if you just be patient enough to get somewhere.

well.
thats it for tonight. I ve got to train myself in writing shorter posts anyways. :)
hey, folks, just visit the site, i put it here a second time: http://www.coop99.at/darwins-nightmare/darwin/htmldt/startset.htm

love from planet pankow
g

russian mafia

rules!
These are dope girls. I am chief editor of our yearbook now, cuz nobody would go for it. Sure, its always the same nerds. no, probably fools, who take initiative in the end. Well I know this since a long time and I am okay with it. The former team was a bit lame, or yeah, just ineffective as S. is too 'official'. You know what I mean. This 'we do it right' type of girl. The last newspaper that we issued here in ECLA was under her charge and she did not publish my text cuz it did not 'fit' in to the whole. Whatever that means. tztz.
Well, as I couldn't see us getting anywhere I decided in a rainy night I would bribe the russian mafia to join me doing the yearbook, forming the editorial department with me. hehe

and it's dope! I told them I don't want to have it so tidy and official as it was before and I want a creative-crazy-lunatic-bunch of chaots to let the yearbook rock us!
They immediately agreed cuz I made it sound really cool haha, and now we are pulling it off in about 4 weeks yeah!. Today we had our second meeting and gosh, I haven't had such a laugh in a long time. They are crazy girls from all over the former Soviet Union, communicating in Russian and drinking so much alcohol that I am sure they could compete with any guys around here. I mean, around here in Berlin! They are always hanging out together, always talking in Rrrrussian, always very loud and talkative and funny. I called them Russian Mafia from the very beginning and now it is a common term here on Campus lol. I didn't know back then, that it would help me eventually so much in convincing them to join the team....

I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!

g

chinese woman

she was 20 or so and worked as a secretary besides studying.
her prof was an acclaimed man, 4o something old, had business in Europe, Switzerland, and liked his secretary a lot.
I don't know whether the flattering, the prestige or maybe just his handsome outer appearance convinced her.
maybe, he just was for her the exit of this society in which she didn't see any realy chances for herself, the exit to a better life.
poor chinese girl.
she soon was to become a woman.
instead of letting her take German lessons right away when she arrived newly married in Switzerland, she had to work for him. At home, in the office.
It is very convenient to have an accounter as wife. She had to take care of his son of one of his previous marriages. Cook, clean, oh, - i'm sure you know all the woman-works.
She was introduced to me as his wife, I would work with her, or, maybe, i even could teach her german. What about that.
I wasn't an institutionalized German teacher, so wouldn't be able to harm him if she told me something.
Maybe thats what he thought.

She was a very willing and enthusiastic student. He paid me the minimum of what I required, when I wanted to raise the price (damn, I had to get money for my college!) she told me that she would have to work even harder in order to pay it. He let her work for everything. He blackmailed her in this way.

His son was a monster. Spoiled. She complained about him many times. In school he was very aggressive, he beat other kids. Teachers were worried.

Soon I became her only female friend in Basel. I was very much worried. She is a very bright, lovely, adorable woman who loves the beatles. Who loves nice clothes but nice clothes she only could buy if her husband wanted her to do so and her blackmailed her with that. If you want this and that you gotta work more. I don't know whether he blackmailed her by beating her, too. Maybe he did that only when they had arguments. Or just for fun. He was a chemistry doctor. He already published a lot of things. He was quite rich. He told me, when they invited me for dinner, when showing me the flat, 'this is XiaoTings room, sometimes she let me sleep her too"
poor chinese woman. Has to sleep with this creep.
He kicks her, beats her up. He is very choleric. He is mean.

Today in the morning she called me. She could hardly talk. She hadn't written to me in a while, didn't asnwer to my mail. She was in hospital. Some wound in the lower part of her belly. Officiallly she said she hit herself at a table. I almost started to cry. What happened, Xiao-Ting, what happened?
Why didn't she go to China, as I told her last year, and as she wanted to? Her parents would have been so disappointed if this marriage had been proved as bad for her. They would have been sad and they would have wanted her to come back. But in the same time she was the hope for them maybe. Maybe she thought she should stay until she got the Swiss citizenship so she could stay here alone. She didn't divorce yet.

Xiao Ting said, laughing, I am sorry, I always have bad news. I am sorry. I have always problems.
But the people from the Hospital would help her now to divorce quickly and go back to China within a month
Chinese woman.
Chinese woman.

Chinese woman don't get the job if a guy, with the same or worse qualifications wants it, too.

the pardoxity of the ego-thing

man
that was one of those 'Berlin' love relationship evenings.
waited for Heiko and Boby but they didn't show up
so I just wandered a bit around near Potsdamer Platz
came across a real German "Kneipe' just because I had to use the bathroom real quick
there was this marvellous french band.
I stayed.
started dreaming, forming ideas in my mind for own songs

sat down to note them in my journal so i wouldn't forget them as usual
so a guy buys me some drink, we start talking
as he finds out i make music too he wants me to sing there straight away.
'you freestyle'? you gotta show em what you got now!
i am fuckin freezing. fuck! this is one of those situations where i say to myself:
get your fucking ass on that stage and just do it. no false ambitions. just be

but then there is this paradox of the ego-thing.
i am an artist but i am missin an essential feature: my ego doesn't push me on stages or exhibits but makes me stay in my fuckin room.

the ambition is WRONG, I know, fuck it! I shouldn't want to be perfect. Fuck!
What is perfect, hell! so i really make myself go. but first i call Anuschka, in Basel. My partner in crime.
tell her I wanna make love to her on a musical level.

lets put all our sexual and erotic potential into our music. come over. please please. come. so we can make a concernt in july. at least.

she kicks my ass. Her girlfriend goes like "geraldine, put your fuckin ego down!'
so thats it. my ego prevents me from doing it.
i get ridd of it.

we continue talking. but then the guy just don't push it enough and the french musicians wrap up before i can go there. in some way i am happy bout it. for tonight it was enough to pretend i was going to do it. going through all the nervous shit and scary imaginations. and next time i ll be there.

its just such a difference to sing with a mic. am not used to that. but gotta get used to it.

I am still very worried. Artists only succeed when there ego pushes them right there. thats what i sometimes hate about them and exactly what i am lacking. and maybe thats why i wanna become a lawyer lol

g

ps and it s just incredible, what music can do to me. i wanna make love to the moment.

beth hart again

Mira just doesn't like beth hart, cuz she is too sentimental (????)
just go to yahoo launch and listen to her 'monkey back'
man
if you understand you are on
on and on and on and on!
it just gives me so much right now
listen to it, loud!

g

L.A.

juli just said it. i thought it before, too:

lil' Geraldine...from Schweigmatt (20 house village) to Schopfheim (30.000 inhabitants) to Basel (200.000 inhabitants) to Berlin (~3.388.477) to L.A. (3.694.820)

well, what are letters. the devlopment is funny though. or scary. or whatever. just fun to see. ;-)

I AM SO EXCITED TO ACTUALLY BE GOING TO LA THIS SUMMER~!!!!

last year in Basel, as I was jogging along the riverside of the Rhein I had this sudden rush of endorphines to my brain...felt incredibly happy bout my life. those crazy coincidences that happened and still happen to me all the time. life, love, tears, smiles, thoughts, deeds....history, breathing, dreams....
and suddenly I was asking myself: Oh my god, will there maybe be a time, when this ends? When I am caught up in Routine so I only can reminisce about these times???
I thought: man, can this get any more exciting?
Well, yes, Berlin was the answer to that. And I can only guess, but L.A. and what I am going to do there has all potential to even top Berlin in some respects. In terms of excitment. Could turn out as a nightmare too, sure.
]
And then I think: Oh yeah, and I am sure, that I will be looking forward to less exciting times though. Towards staying at a place, not having to leave beloved ones behind all the time and being able to have stable relationships...A regulated life in which I can continue taking piano lessons, and all the works.

:)

brother/'The Interpreter"/UNO

my dear brother was visiting me the last few days. man how i love him!
he s really the cutest guy ever.+
yesteerday night I skipped playwrite classes and went with him to Potsdamer platz to watch a movie. We first had asian dinner which was damn yummy :) and ate too much icecream lol, - and then watched "The Interpreter" with Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn. It was pretty good. However, I don't know whether this is due to my 'I-can't-stand-anything-too-romantic' attitude or sth other people would also think it to be a bit too clichee and sentimental in some scenes, - at any rate, sometimes it was a bit too obvious and not subtle enough for me.
But, at least, there was NO hollywood kiss whatsoever! cool, ha! And Nicole Kidman is really a great actress, no matter what! And the plot interesting enough and also sometimes not too predictable. lol.
The topic was also quite interesting. UN, sure, that this attracted me in the first place. It was filmed in the original UN buildings and imagining that one day maybe I would be sitting there, too, discussing and working - really excited me. On the other hand I already started doubting such thoughts.
I mean, I know too little about the UN to really be able to say anything about it, but I think in the end I am still interested in more effective ways of changing something.
And, yes, I am still idealistic .... lol
I very much hope that I won't lose this idealism either. Simone Weil wrote something about that...In her introduction to politics i think...something like it is easy and more popular to be realistic. It is more difficult to be an idealist, though, in these times...

So I am still wondering whether I ll finally go for arts (films), economics (associative economics) (entrepreneurship) or law...
Law really holds the most subsequent opportunities for me. I could go either into economics or just be a very independent artist. Or, really, a lawyer. But I hate the thought of making too many compromises. Don't know how my reality would look like then. Whether I'd become brainwashed too or not. We all think we d be immune to that. But I really doub THAT. Still I am so interested in it. My new idea is to go for the American way of doing it and do a major in history/sociology/philosophy, take some pre-law classes and then go to lawschool for three years. The whole point of studying law for 6 years here in Europe is really that you can decide and specialize later after having done all the different things. I, however, already know what I'd specialize in: Human Rights, International Law. European Law would be interesting, too, and maybe a good option. But I really feel I wanna do something on an international level. So that'd be it. ;-)

Jack Johnson or Ben Harper really give hope regarding artists in some ways. I mean Jewel did that in some ways too. Much to the disappo9intment of many of her fans though she explored her possibilities as an artist with her means in a way that seemed quite absorbed by the consumers and blingbling attitude. It was meant as a CRITICISM, but it was done in a way that only allowed already critical minds to see that...I think that was okay, though. I mean I know her to some extend and I know she will stay true to herself. Whatever that means lol.
But Jack Johnson or Ben Harper or Meshell N'dgeshello really show that genuine music, genuine artists still are in request and that they can do lots to help and make a difference. I wish I could join them. I have no clue. Someone has to open me up...I think....I lost the key somehow..... But I really hope that in L.A. I will get a professional kick in the ass in terms of guitar playing so maybe that will help me....

I really hope that Q'orianka won't drown in that glitter-glamour world of Hollywood. She was now in the People's Magazine among the 50 most beautiful people. It's kind of exciting that I'll be around and help her as soon as promotion starts in September. The movie will be out in November...I really hope I can give her some emotional back up though...She is a great actress and singer but she needs something to hold on to....

So thats it so far. I ll try to find out more about the UN so i can say more about it later....

be true always always!!!

with love and many questions

geraldine

marry me!

lol

Qimin just stated that she loves me so much and as we were talking about marrying and how different things are in China and that she really shouldn't marry someone just for the sake of her parents or stability, she suddenly embraced me and said:

'Oh, Jay, if you were a guy I would marry you!" :-)

lol. That is really cute. In fact, however, I should start worrying now. Cuz I think it is not the first time a girl tells me that... Elissa did, surely just joking, but still. Jenia did, sure, and maybe even Mira... It is funny. What do they find in me that they think they could need? I have no clue...Maybe my energy, the craziness, the smiles, the jumping around, the travelling, the encouraging.

but you know, I wanna marry you. I don't know where you are. I have waited for you for such a long time. I don't know how you should be but I know that I DO want to marry you and that I KNOW once you are there....

I mean, marrying itself is outdated anyways. Not for easterneuropeans, turks, chinese...but here? oldfashioned. But I do want to marry too. Thats it. Until then....Don't know....

lol...too bad I am not a guy.....

g

CHECK THIS OUT!!!!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

late n8 conversation with a canadien

CAnadien:
do you know Jack Johnson
ME:
sure i do
lol
love him
he made a song with ben
oh ok, because it s in the same style of ben harper

yeah he admires him a lot
lol
sorry
you like this type of music
yeah
but i like a lot more
i mean i like different styles of music
from hiphop to folk to blues to electronic and funk
i like generally all black music
which is basically all that is there
me I like everystyle but less pop music
you have 1 good song on 10
well there is always sth good outthere
yeah
thats enough lol

50 cent+o(

and all this shit+o(

oh no!
you are wrong!
50 cent is great!!!!!!
lol
i would have agreed with you several weeks ago
ntil i read a lot about him and how he got where he is
nd you know this stupid song
candy shop
hhahahaha, i hated it, until i realized that he is fucking right
it s all about sex
and thats great
i mean we are not kids right...we know what he is talking about..and sure, if you look at it like ' oh he wants to make money with sex'
it sucks
but if you look at it like " oh man, please suck my dick it feels so fucking great' you go like, oh man, he is right!
lol
don't you think so? you should try that out if you get the chance

yeah i know, but for woman dignity is bad

oh come on

little girl of 12 years old listen that

we are post feminism now
oh okay
yeah i agree

what is the value the music give to society
i don't know exactly how much harm it does to them in this spoiled world
but i think you cannot stop it
if you don t do oral sex when your teen your not in

i mean, where we should start is, telling the 12 year olds how much it sucks to watch tv anyways
you know what i mean
i know , i know
oh no? do you think they see it this way?
i think i wouldn't even have known what oral sex is back then lol
but kids growing up faster than us, i think is sad
i mean, they see those women...thats all...
yeah
i think so to
you cannot stop it.
but you are right.....the problem is, that frigid america cannot handle it s hot videos
if we want , we can
explicit content is a fucking compliment
and you buy it cuz it s on the cd
lol
the video of 50 cents are stupid, it's all the same video after video
yeah you are right...in the end
lol
don't think , i am a old school boy
the problem is, the musicians don't wanna take responsibility
oh sure
no i didn't mean it that way lol
it was just some sort of revelation for my preoccupied, prejudiced mind
i think, the industry should take more precautions, but then again, its all about money and where they can make money they won't shut the videos off or make it exclusivly accessible for grown ups onlyu
but then again, if the musicians can't take responsibility the parents have
and there we go with education
if more money was invested in children and edcuation you would hvae less spoiled fuck ups and less Lilletons happen
sadly as it sounds

good resume

my friend is about to become a midwife...you wouldn't believe the horrorstories she daily has to tell after being in hospital
families about to be build...out of shit
what is a midwife
the woman who helps babies to be born
ah ok
woman who think being pregnant is all you need to be to be a mother
know clue about the right handling of babies in physical, emotional, spiritual matters
this is a other problem, people who made children but they want to have responsabilitie
we ARE robbed of our natural instincts...yo have to inform yourself nowadays....i mean, how can a mother let her children ONLY play with plastic toys, watch tv all day long....didn't it get through to them, that it is the worst you can do?
i mean, it s a sad disaster...
yeah and this kids play with disney toys mades by kids in china
Eric recherche une gardienne pour son chat!!! says:
and they will watching stupid problem on tv
in europe, young people are appalled and saddened and terrified by what they hear about war-territories, horror stories, third world problems....because THOSE problems are so different from ours, we cannot imagine how bad it is to starve, to feel physical pain etc..not to be able to pay hospital and then die....
yeah you are right...
but, you know, the thing is,,,the problems in the western world are as bad as those...just on a different level
and nobody goes there to help
young idealist people go to third world countires cuz they wanna make a change...and they are a drop of water on the hot stone...sad but true...i mean i think it s great they do it anyways...but the problem is there is no one coming to aid the first world problems

no one can imagine how it is like to starve in the soul......because we are overfed...we don't realize it in time......when we go to hospital they put us on drugs and thats it.....

i grew up in a world where all the people i met CARE about those things....they think about education and how to lead a good life and so on, and being responsible towards mother earht, the other human beings and so on
i couldn't believe what i saw when i first encountered 'mass people' from germany....
i couldn't believe they actually spend hours in front of tv and get fat and sad and dumb
my friend was an officier in army...he said to me 'geraldine, you wouldn't believe of what a tiny percentage in society you are....'

yeah is really sad
people watching cnn and say " poor american with september 11th
how much people die because of united states politic in the world
but sometimes I say to myself, less I know, better it is
well the problem is, that we know too much and are not prepared how to deal with it...it s all left up to us how to handle this flood of information
there is a gap between what we know, see and do
we get lazier and less active
we get blocked by what we know
instaed of powerfully putting it into action
thats why people retreat to their hobbies, to their pigeon holes. 'youth movements' which have become pretty commercialized and clearly defined so you can make sure to find some anchorage
but always, there is hope....as ?love from the Roots put it ' some young people would rather listen to their MC of their choice than their parents'
so there are musicians who take it serious
you like system of a down
and as a matter of fact people are moved by things happening directly to them....if they come back from somalia, having seen the pain and agony they donate money to charity....or if pictures on TV are strong enough to still touch and move them...but september 11 was essential to many....it s not to be underestimated
they are not my favourites but yeah i kinda like them

do you see the videoclip of BYOB (hey people, it's really cool! check the lyrics out!)
represent the reality of our generation who really don't care about the problems in the worlds
yes
but it s not so true
i mean, our view is also filtered by what we hear and see through media
but if you go to youth conferences and initiatives you see there are MANY caring
MANY
come next year to the youthconference 'connect' in brazil, sao paolo

sure, but less in north america i think

no i don't think so... i think i america there is the community help more an issue don't you think so?
more in canada than united states

we are recognize for that in canada

crazy family history

i just had a midnight german tutorial with Mira...she really tortures me now cuz she wanna do this german exam and i have to help her...
as i was starving anyways i decided to break into the cafeteria with her (ha, although she is the RA!) and get some juice and coffee and food....we kinda felt like 13 year olds and almost died of laughing....*ggg*

we situated ourselves in the commonroom then, with all the goodies and Zeynep joined us....and talking of boys, sex and love I wound up telling them the story how my parents got to know each other....

and so one thing came to the other and they made me tell them about my family...

...and i just realized.... we've got..such ..... a .... crazy....family...

on both sides! I mean, on dad's side we have the obscure german past, my grandparents being involved in the second world war, my grand dad still insisting on the second view on the whole thing, which he says is omitted nowadays...i mean, I really think that it is true that the reasons which subsequently lead to the war are very diverse and complex but you cannot deny the schier horror and unbelievable trauma that happened because of us germans back then. However, I never dispute with him because I don't think there is any use in doing it. I just want to know his version and add it to the picture....
Then we have dad's family history, the difficulties growing up in this family...grandad beating them up, grandma ducking away... Hippie times.... dad leaving home...hitchhiking through europe, to turkey....leaving his siblings behind....the riots in paris.....
and Heidi, lost in the middle of nowhere, experiencing the divorce of grandad and grandma as essentially disturbing...grandad beating her to unconsciousness...i don't know what is exaggerated in her stories that she told me....but it's horrifying anyways.....and then, thinking of grandad ...the reasons why he did that...how he must have felt...it's all so ambigious....i feel pity for the humanity, i feel pity for the tortures of human beings as such......the pain struggeling becoming one......grandma...what she must have felt...granddad writing her those mean letters......haunting her.....Oddie, trying to find his place......getting somewhat on the "right" side...being sent to those camps..I even don't know much about it....
Heidi living on the streets, alcohol abuse, trying to live her life...fighting her fight.....Oddie, comitting bankrobbery....as far as i know up to 16 times....being in this rightwing-radical group, fighting for and with palestinians......our phone at home was obviously as well traced....getting caught....10 years prison..getting free after 8 years, having studied french and arabic translation....loosing his girlfriend....tragedy tragedy......Ute and Karin being the only ones who found kind of sanity in their families...but Ute getting divorced too...Only Karin and dad still live with their initial partners....I guess we owe it all to antroposophy ;)

Then, on ma's side....the crazy Yule...the unfortunate arrangement when Ruth came over....marriage prepared, she didn't know anything...instead of his long dreamt of autonomous community in Alaska 8 children....growing up in the wilderness...pioneer life....choleric dad. beating them, too......terrible fights at home..Ma feeling responsible for it....helping her mom...being a second mom to her youngest siblings....StellaVera's heart broken when Ma leaves home with 20....didn't know that she wasn't her proper Ma....Ma always betwenn pretty Fay and wild Mossy....having an abortion with a child by Jerry, the mormon native alaskan....Oh man, I could have had an indian sister.....then attempted abortion with Saskia...who came nevertheless...Ma not wanting to marry 'Pirat' the rockclimber...moving to Europe, meeting my dad....waiting bout 3 years before they marry or kiss or anything...great stuff....admirable....

Ma's family being a showfamily...travelling through switzerland showing the movie of 'the difficult school of the simple life'...in reality everything being different....eating problems...her sisters having bulimie....her mother falling in love with Yule's best friend Rod....divorcing....Mossy doing her own songs and her own LP's, Atz also going for music..... Jewel becoming a star.....
Saskia trying to reverse her destiny, or trying to make up with her own destiny by pushing Q'orianka..or she would say supporting her....it's all a matter of lifestyle right...Q'orianka being about to become a star....
this is the crazy 'show off' Kilcher family....family meetings always becoming some sort of talent show....huge crowd...Eivin, Levi...Rhema, Ana, Nicos,....the close ones.... Atz-Lee, Shane, Dylan, Jewel, ....the admired ones....Arven....the pittied one, being caught in his addictions.....

It's crazy, really

and i am part of this crazy background and I have to say that it feels perfectly right....

I miss you.....

benharper.net/?page=bio&id=1&photo_id=2#photo.jpg">

dammit

right!
here we go
i almost forgot about him
but he, india.arie, jack johnson and several others (yeah. lauryn hill too!)
are just MY big idols...
ya know, thinking bout that it came just to my mind, that it like with building castles out of sand...
so many people did it already. and you still do your own. and the ocean will take it back and other people will come and build a similar one.
but it is always bout the tide ya know.
inbetween which tides you are out there....

so i happen to be here now, 21 st century... and i lOVE the artists from the last century, really, but i love ours too!
and

i really think that doing a castle is lots of fun and it brings joy to those who attend the happening. it s not so much about how fancy and special yours is....it is about how much joy you put into it and how much joy it brings to build it. life.

thats the clue. we have to rebuild those castles constantly. we cannot rely on the tide not to come. each tide needs its own castles. so lets go and build them!!!!!!!!!

COURAGE

Brown Skin

"Brown Skin"
Brown skin, you know I love your brown skin
I cant tell where yours begins, I cant tell where mine ends
Brown skin, up against my brown skin
Need some every now and then
:oh hey:
Where are your people from? Maybe Mississippi or an Island
Apparently your skin has been kissed by the sun
You make me want a Hershey's kiss, your licorice
Every time I see your lips, it makes me think of honey-coated chocolate
Your kisses are worth more than gold to me I'll be your almond joy, you'll be my sugar daddy
Brown skin, you know I love your brown skinI cant tell where yours begins, I cant tell where mine ends
Brown skin, up against my brown skin
Need some every now and then
:oh hey:
Every time you come around, something magnetic pulls me and I cant get out
Disoriented, I cant tell my up from down
All I know is that I wanna lay you down
Every time I let you in, abracadabra magic happens as we swim
Higher and higher finally we reach heaven
Come back to earth and then we do it all again
Yeah:..
Brown skin, you know I love your brown skin
I cant tell where yours begins, I cant tell where mine ends
Brown skin, up against my brown skin
Need some every now and then
:oh hey:
Skin so brown, lips so round
Baby how can I be down?
Beautiful mahogany, you make me feel like a queen
Tell me what's that thing you do that makes me wanna get next to you, yeah
Brown skin, you know I love your brown skinI cant tell where yours begins, I cant tell where mine ends
Brown skin, up against my brown skin
Need some every now and then
:oh hey:
Brown skin, you know I love your brown skinI cant tell where yours begins, I cant tell where mine ends
Brown skin, up against my brown skin
Need some every now and then
:oh hey:

A

Gosh, i got a straight A from Peter, the hardcore grader on an essay on KANT! can you believe that!!!!!!!
i fuckin don't get it.
i usually think of myself as someone who gives a f*** about grades, but this really blew me off! I mean, thats so great, cuz i've actually been working on it so hard, and throughtout the whole year i was like 'oh fuck, i just suck so much, but i bet if i worked i could be as good as all these nerds.'
well, and as you could see in the previous posts i was always like blalbalba, but i have to go back now to my essay'. well, it s been exactly this bloody essay, which he rewarded now with such a great straight A lol....

;-)

well, so i ve been to a totally cool conference today on the return of beauty in contemporary arts, in the 'Haus der Kulturen der Welt' and I actually was able to get there just in time for the speech of Olu Oguibe who wrote 'the culture game'...it was a really interesting speech and later i joined him for dinner (which i got for free from the conference restauratn as they considered me to be his friend lol) and we had a really interesting discussion on all these many questions i had about africa, the development aid problem and education...

later we went to the holocaust memorial which has recently opened near the Brandenburger Tor and I lost him three. so somehow the memorial works, despite all controversy....

here at ECLA we had a party, it was quite lame but as usual when i dance a lot i got really into the mood for love lalala, i am just listening to this cool compilation 'the ladies sing the blues' with all these fantastic blues classics.... 'i just wanna make love to you, uhh, i don't wanna see you sad or blue, just wanna make love to you, i know when i see you walk that walk, oh i see when you talk that talk i can see on how you treat your girl that i can give you all the love of the whole wide world..."

:)

but blake is bloody lazy and sounds like he wanna go to sleep. i am not going to fight for a tranquiliziser....whatever. mira came just back from a date with a guy she met recently and she was totally disappointed, man, he was not her case. lol. so it looks like we are two desperate women here together, surfing the net ;-)

but, anyways, i am really into the sophisticated style now. with a straight A in my pocket yeheya!~~~

good night
g

watergate

2 1/2 hours waiting in the freezing cold, dressed in a skirt (I never do it, but of course, if I do once I will get into such a situation) just in order to get into that club!
well, two of the best DJ's of Germany, being among the 10 best of the world, were going to play there.
It was sticky and icky in there. Too many people. People on their own trips.
Not my world.
But the music was indeed amazing!
I was tired and wanted to leave at about 4 AM
Stayed. Towards the morning everything got so much better. I danced like crazy.
And yeah, Berlin's gift this night to me: Christian, a soundengineer. Really nice acquaintance. Who knows what this will be good for in the future. Maybe I can help him, maybe he can help me.
In the end even the sexiest man alive in that club started talking to me, and this after Mira had attracted all interesting boys to her, leaving me alone ;-)) That kinda reconciled me. (-:
He was half german half african, 43 years old, his daughter is 24 and gets a baby now. lol. we talked about handicapped people and I wish I could just record all these interesting conversations I have here in Berlin and write about them. It s gorgeous. And it is gorgeous having a guy talk to you who is so sexy and in the same time so normal, i.e. does not attempt to eat you (neither with his eyes nor with his hands lol)
Thats good. People. Persons....
then off to lectures...man. my energy is amazing. i ll sleep at 4 pm today.
:)
g

for THERESA

here, BETH HART lyrics. Theresa, thats for you. thats for you....isn't it for all of us...in one or the other way

leave the lights on
I seen myself with a dirty face, I cut my luck with a dirty ace I leave the light on, I leave that light onI went from zero to minus ten I drank your wine then I stole your man I leave the light on, I leave that light on. Daddy ain't that bad he just plays roughI ain't that scarred when I'm covered up I leave the light on, I leave that light onLittle girl hiding underneath the bed was it something I did Must be something I said I leave the light on, better leave the light on. I wanna love I wanna live I don't know much about it I never did 17 and I'm all messed up inside I cut myself just to feel alive I leave the light on, I leave that light on 21 on the run,on the run,on the run,from myself, from myself and everyone I leave the light on, Better leave the light on. Cause I wanna love And I wanna live I don't know much about it And I never did, I don't know what to do, can the damage be undone I swore to God that I'd never be what I've become Lucky stars and fairy tales I'm gonna bathe myself in a wishin' well Pretty scars from cigarettes I...never will forget, I...never will forget I'm still afraid to be alone wish that moon would follow me home I leave the light on, I leave that light on I ain't that bad I'm just messed up I ain't that sad but I'm sad enough Cause I wanna love And I wanna live I don't know much about it And I never did, I don't know what to do, can the damage be undone I swore to God that I'd never be what I've become na na na na na na na na... I leave that light, I leave that light, I leave that light onGod bless the child with the dirty face, who cuts her luck with a dirty ace She leaves the light on, I leave that light on

musician of these months

another incredible woman i admire from the bottom of my heart and i really want to become like her is BETH HART!!!! i just stumbled across her every now and then at yahoo and immediately loved her....oh man!!!!
and i am going to be in L.A. next year!!!!!!! wow....
she is just great (ALTHOUGH MIRA THINKS SHE SUCKS, BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT MIRA THINKS!!!!!!) a genuine blues-rocker with an energy that blows me away and makes me want to create, too, such powerful music...okay...thats it...
here some lyrics from her...

monkey back
Oh God save me for I am wicked and damned Oh God show me a better way to the Promised Land 'Cause I I can't take it no I can't shake it no I can't break it no Don't wanna eat it no more I cannot hide it I'm uninvited I can't fake it no I can't shake it I can't take it I can't shake shake shake shake Shake that 'ol monkey off my back Gimme my money back slip through your crack Gimme my money back sit back Oh God know me I'm just dirty footprints at your door Oh God hold me from one more trip and liquor store 'Cause I I can't take it and I can't shake shake shake shake Shake that 'ol monkey off my back Gimme my money back slip through your crack Gimme my money sit back Gimme my money back Slip through your crack an' get back I'm not praying for a miracle just a little peace of mind And if what I do is all in vain as I'm screamin' goin' insane Still I am not my name God wouldn't save me, So now it's me and my rotten friends The drugs ain't working, no they're just jacking me off again

musician of the day and some thoughts

anna nalick
go to yahoo.launch and check her out, she is a newcomer and yeah, not bad! ;-)
actually i am just jealous of her haha
okay, here is really weird weather, its rainin, hailin, and the sun shines nevertheless.
i am still writing this fuckin essay lol


just came back from dinner. couldn't even eat really. what the f*** is wrong with me? my trousers are too long and they got soaking wet as i was walking on the street

so i started walking on my tiptoes, pretending i was wearing high heels, gosh, this really makes your legs get strong *gg*

i was balancing two cups of hot coffee and fruits on my arms as suddenly a rainbow emerged in the rainy sky, it was breath takingly beautiful.

so, all my friends and perfectly strangers, i just wanted to say, this kind of weather beams me back to my childhood, really, and as i am walking down the street i feel like i am 11 again, wondering how strange it is that time rushes by like that and what happens once i grow older ;-)

well, and then i wonder how funny it is, that i am really here in berlin now, ya know, i was here last year to check the college out, and i thought back then "waaaw, if i ll be accepted here, this will feel like home in about a year."

And thats now!!!NOW!~!!! and SOOOOO much happened!!! so many new things happened to me and also so many things that were like a seed inside myself since a longtime ago, actually started to grow....

so, dear all, don't be worried, i am still connected to myself, this feeling i had when looking at the rainbow was too strong to be just an illusion or wish. and jasper, i am sure that lil'geraldine would still like me cuz she wasn't stupid. honestly. that may sound like a stupid excuse or made up rectification for the smoking-thing, but i really came to terms with myself. no need to worry.

lots of heart energy from sunny-rainy-shaky pankow!!!!!!!!
geraldine

night

yeah another essay writing night.
just sneaked into the russian-mafia room. jane, nigar, mariam, lena and matei drunk, celebrating mashas birthday. hooray, thats the way to celebrate ex-sovjet birthdays ;)
nigar is like 'yo, take a cigarette!' i am like, no, ye, ya know, i stopped smoking at the first of may'. okay, she then wants me to join in the drinking but i am like 'yo, look, i am writing my essay right now'. everybody goes crazy, like, maaaan, don't do that! let it be! don't even give a shit! but i like it actually, to be honest, i like kant and aristotle and i like writing it although it is so late
anyways, i start eating some of those cookies, and go like 'yeah, now i gonna eat even more and get fatter and fatter, maybe it was a bit too early to stop smoking after all (i mean, i started it in order to stop so there is no point in further trying, i know, but still, it was fucking tempting. cuz you know how nice it is and thats what them are all talking about all the time. thats why you shouldn't try it at all, cuz once you know how nice it is you don't wanna miss it the next time a situation occurs it would fit into...)....'
but still, jane protected me, she goes like 'hey, nigar don't offer her cigarettes.'
the point is, i gave jane all my tobacco when i stopped haha. she got all the advantages of my quitting and that at a time when she had no money to buy cigarettes of her own. so she learnt how to make her own out of tobacco....american spirit..tough stuff....
so we sit there and i keep eating those cookies and can't help but laughing about it. but then Matei goes like:'yo jay, you are probably the only person who can run 10 km in this room, so don't worry too much about the cookies and getting fat!'
man, that was cute, really, it kinda cheered me up. everybody goes like 'yeah, man, we heard that story, you are so wicked, you are simply the coolest person ever'
look, how easy it is to gain these attributes!!! lol
i just danced through the whole night saturday night, with this english guy from couchsurfing (similar site like www.hospitalityclub.org is www.couchsurfing.com) and went the next morning home just to change clothes and then go for this 10 km run through berlin which was organized by nike.
i mean, it WAS indeed crazy, i was slower than usual (55 min/10 km) but it was a really good experience that i actually could do that. Adrian, the guy whom i met at the runday-monday evenings ran together with me and although he could have been faster he stayed with me all the time which i really appreciated
yo
thats it
so here is the lady who can run 10 km after dancing through the whole night and writing the night before her essay. and the night after. lol
so back to work now...
keep ya posted
jay

LOVE-ART {} ART-LOVE

yeah...just talked to Kim... (www.kimkoester.com or www.99rooms.com ) it's simply great to be in contact with someone who is striving to get somewhere with what he dreams and imagines...with his creativity which he does not deny but actually lives.
if you ask me, that fuckin encourages me, and i think also more people, to give it a try too... :)
I just remembered then, of course, the installation-art time, last term here in ecla... It was freakin' exhausting and demanding, I hated David Levine (my prof) for being such an asshole but he actually made me do things! And it was great fun! Honestly...It was a revelation on how much art can genuinly interact with one's own feelings, thoughts, concerns, freaky ideas and imaginations...
old, empty and rotten houses are even more attractive to me now...empty space, an early morning bird in a tree, the sparkeling reflection of moonlight on fresh snow...
i hope that Kim keeps on going and that I find my way, too....
lunatics unite! and artists, inspire each other!!!
towards Kim I really feel some sort of ART-LOVE, there was this morning after we had danced through the whole night in Deep. You know, it is possible to unite and fecundate on a meta level of art, inspiration. the loveact is pure inspiration then. it is more than exciting. and when you let the love float freely between you and the world and other humans, your art becomes LOVE-ART....
sweet memories....my final installation in that house...with Niels painting me...me, naked in the window, smoking...gosh, I wish I could have seen that picture... :))
g

sunshine

music music music in the air!
it's always there and i can feel it. man, music is so f****** important to me....
Hey, you, out there, how is it going? Do you feel it too? Today is a special day. I don't know why but it is special. I miss you. I miss all of you.
And I start missing the people who are around me, unfortunately, because the end of ECLA (www.ecla.de) is coming soon. It sucks. It really sucks. I wanna stay for a second year but I feel it wouldn't be the right thing to do. But it really sucks, as it is always like, you know, that you get to know people better in the end and it makes you cry cuz you don't wanna leave yet. My fellow students at ecla really are friends and family by now. FUCK. but i should write my essay now. okay. students life s got me back....but, man, it is so hard when you are emotionally totally involved!!!!

Indiga, song for Seria 4

all the crows gather
feels like clowds in the sky
i can see you reflected in the water
it makes me feel weak, i ask myself why

i can't i can't stop
i can't i can't stop
stop thinking of you

i can't i can't stop
i can't i can't stop
stop thinking of you

lightyears later silence
echoes in my little shoes
this path was so tense
and now it's as if i even cannot choose

i can't i can't stop
i can't i can't stop
stop thinking of you

i can't i can't stop
i can't i can't stop
stop thinking of you

you say you wonder where the crows live
and the glass of water is empty now
didn't we want to jump down the riff
yes, i wanna be weak, i get a sense of wow

cuz
i can't i can't stop
i can't i can't stop
stop thinking of you

1.mai

special day. good decisions. and one more story that proves my 'inner voice' to work pretty well! i met vincent from www.stonedeafproduction.com whom i only know from mailing so far, at the Kottbusser Tor, making a new video. man...that was a funny 'coincidence'...and all because i had that feeling that i had to get off at Kottbusser Tor...
well, i didn't talk to him though, cause i just enjoyed it too much watching them doing the video and i also didn't want to disturb them....
hm. later more news...
:)
love
geraldine